Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am so stupid. Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was all a joke. The real truth is that my life just started to fall apart again. I am disappointed of myself. I thought I was stronger, a new person. I thought everything could change but my suicidal thoughts run after me. Every single day the pain is here and reminds me that I'm still alive. People can't tell this. I am always smiling, but it is hard. It is easier to cry for me, crying comes natural. It is weird how you just get used to crying.. I feel like letting go, I have not felt like this since January and I'm scaring myself. If death would not give a person such a big pain, then I would have been dead years ago. I don't know... what to do. I feel like this is my only solution, because my life just keep messing up. People tell me young people are not supposed to be sad, but I'm just a 15-year old that does not belong anywhere............... Sorry if my English is not the best, it is just because I'm Norwegian and don't have English as a first language.