I feel so stupid.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by In love with Judas, Sep 13, 2012.

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  1. In love with Judas

    In love with Judas New Member

    Stupid, stupid, stupid. I am so stupid. Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was all a joke. The real truth is that my life just started to fall apart again. I am disappointed of myself. I thought I was stronger, a new person. I thought everything could change but my suicidal thoughts run after me. Every single day the pain is here and reminds me that I'm still alive. People can't tell this. I am always smiling, but it is hard. It is easier to cry for me, crying comes natural. It is weird how you just get used to crying.. I feel like letting go, I have not felt like this since January and I'm scaring myself. If death would not give a person such a big pain, then I would have been dead years ago. I don't know... what to do. I feel like this is my only solution, because my life just keep messing up. People tell me young people are not supposed to be sad, but I'm just a 15-year old that does not belong anywhere...............

    Sorry if my English is not the best, it is just because I'm Norwegian and don't have English as a first language.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Honey - your English is amazing, I would never have guessed it was not your first language :) I so totally remember how it felt to feel like you do at 15. I could not make out so many things, and panicked in strange situations..... However, I would really encourage you to keep writing and talking it out on SF as a really positive thing to do. I wish the internet forums had been around 45 years ago! Firstly, you're absolutely NOT stupid! You articulate yourself very well. We cannot be or feel strong all of the time, like we're brought up watching everyone on the TV appearing to feel and be strong and in control of everything.... that's all done by the script-writers, whereas in real life we find no-one's written a script for us and it can be scary to know at 15 how to write our own.

    I know suicide does look like man screaming at God "I quit!" because of all we feel we have to find the answers for in our life. But I would really encourage you honey to be very, very gentle on yourself as the first thing to do. And to keep a journal of your feelings and the little positive things, even the baby steps you accomplish each day towards your goal of being strong again. It's such an opportunity you have, to learn self-awareness in this way. We all have to learn how to overcome a negative self-image and to make our minds our best friends, and this is a journey and a process - it might not seem like we're making any progress at all, but in the area of our emotions, anything we do with a view to being at peace and regaining our hope, puts us in a better place :) God bless you Kristine, PM any time if you'd like :)
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