Hello, my name is Diana and I'm new to this forum. I really just wanted to let this off of my chest because honestly no one else cares. My father physically, emotionally, mentally abused me. He also even touched me once when he was drunk. I had no family except for him. He would get drunk and abuse me ever since I could remember. I would walk on eggshells every time I heard a beer can open. I remember how he would call me useless and like my mother when I was only 12 years old. Growing up I had a hard time fitting in with anyone because I never felt good enough. He had dated a woman who hated me too. All my life I've felt unwanted. I've felt like I don't matter to anyone. I push through life hoping there's some kinda magical light at the end of a long lonely tunnel. I currently live with my on and off boyfriend because I have no where else to go at this point. I'm in the process of trying to become a better person and I've made a lot of mistakes within 2 years of dating this man. I have the same issues as the person I despise the most... My father. I get so worked up over small things at times but honestly I'm trying. Last night my boyfriend upset me and I tired talking to him but it seems like he has given up on me. I can't blame him because everyone else has. He told me I needed to "grow up" and "everyone hates life". I've been kicked and pushed away by everyone I love. My life will go well for only so long until we get into another fight where he's saying I'm so wrong about this or that. I can't get through to him that I'm not trying to fight I'm just trying to talk. I wish I could go far away from everyone. I feel like such a fuck up... And no one could ever love someone who has been used and abused like myself. No one believes in me... How can I believe in myself? I just want to be happy for once.