hi guys..i'm 18 and im basically a pussy. everytime my girlfriend says anything mildly hurtful towards me, even if she's just kidding (like she usually is), i suddenly get thoughts about how she doesn't actually like me and how it's my fault for it. sometimes if i say something, like i'd do something halfway for you, she goes why halfway? why not the whole way? and so she fixates herself on some things i say and then feels bad...which in turn makes me feel bad. except, i feel so bad that i've hurt her in situations like these, even though i know that whatever was said is not such a big deal, that i always start thinking about suicide...and about ways to die. sometimes i just begin to type up messages of hatred towards myself and other times i fantasize about killing myself. lately it's been about jumping out of my window but right now i just experienced a fantasy where i imagined myself at college next year, hoping that i get a dorm room on an upper level, so that i can jump out and die. over just these tiny things i feel like i've hurt her so much and that i should die and go away just so that she does not have to deal with me anymore. we love each other very much; i don't know why i feel this way. i also today tried poking a pencil into my finger. i'm not a cutter, i did not want blood, but it did hurt a bunch and i kept doing it. it didnt help but i felt like hurting myself..a form of punishment. please help. i really need some support and advice. the smallest things that go wrong with her upset me deeply and i keep having suicidal thoughts. this is probably the third time this week.