i feel suicidal over every little thing my girlfriend says badly about me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dlightstone, May 23, 2007.

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  1. dlightstone

    dlightstone New Member

    hi guys..i'm 18 and im basically a pussy. everytime my girlfriend says anything mildly hurtful towards me, even if she's just kidding (like she usually is), i suddenly get thoughts about how she doesn't actually like me and how it's my fault for it. sometimes if i say something, like i'd do something halfway for you, she goes why halfway? why not the whole way? and so she fixates herself on some things i say and then feels bad...which in turn makes me feel bad. except, i feel so bad that i've hurt her in situations like these, even though i know that whatever was said is not such a big deal, that i always start thinking about suicide...and about ways to die. sometimes i just begin to type up messages of hatred towards myself and other times i fantasize about killing myself. lately it's been about jumping out of my window but right now i just experienced a fantasy where i imagined myself at college next year, hoping that i get a dorm room on an upper level, so that i can jump out and die. over just these tiny things i feel like i've hurt her so much and that i should die and go away just so that she does not have to deal with me anymore. we love each other very much; i don't know why i feel this way. i also today tried poking a pencil into my finger. i'm not a cutter, i did not want blood, but it did hurt a bunch and i kept doing it. it didnt help but i felt like hurting myself..a form of punishment. please help. i really need some support and advice. the smallest things that go wrong with her upset me deeply and i keep having suicidal thoughts. this is probably the third time this week.
     
  2. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    hi dlightstone, (cool name btw)

    You asked for help and support and I have plenty of both for you. :)
    So often we have the answer right in front of us but it's hard to see because we are so emoptionally involved.

    The situation as I understand it from you comes down to this:
    Trigger: everytime my girlfriend says anything mildly hurtful towards me, even if she's just kidding (like she usually is)
    Your response: I suddenly get thoughts about how she doesn't actually like me and how it's my fault for it.

    Example: you say you'll meet her half way on an issue and she says why not meet me the whole way?! She acts hurt because you won't meet her the whole way and then you feel hurt for hurting her. Even though your own sense of logic is telling you this doesn't make any sense.

    You wrote:"the smallest things that go wrong with her upset me deeply and i keep having suicidal thoughts. this is probably the third time this week."

    This is a serious porblem! Depending upon how you feel after these these three questions can shed light on what you most need to do in this situation.
    What is the outcome you most want? You have to seriously think about and consider what changes do you want the other person to make, what do you have to do to keep this relationshipo working...DO YOU want to keep this relationship working. And finally, will you be able to feel good about yourself and how important are your feelings compared to hers. Basically it comes down to these three interpersonal effectiveness considerations:

    1). Do you want to change her behavior? Ask her to tell you when she feels hurt from anything you say so you can explain right on the spot that was not your intent or your sorry and then the matter should be dropped. Tell her to stop saying hurtful words to you, especially just as a joke (cause thats just passive aggressive badgering). Tell her these two guidelines are necessary if you want to limit emotional suffering from this relationship.

    2). Is maintaining the relationship more imprtant than your suffering? In otherwords, can you continue going along with this relationship even though you are feeling suicidal 3 times a week. Essentially, this is what you have been doing.. maintaining the relationship at any cost.. even your own life.

    3). Is standing up for your own sense of value and respect for yourself more important than the relationship? You could say how you feel and what you are hoping for from the relationship? Basically, just lay your cards down and tell her you don't want her to make fun of you or say anything hurtful about you anymore.

    You obviously care about this girl alot but she has some serious issue problems. I think if you set some guidelines down for the relationship things will improve: 1). Ask her not to cut you down. Not even in jest. 2). Ask her not to look for issues in everything you say. 3). Be careful what you say and avoid saying anything she may take wrong. 4). Have a rule that when either you or she says something to hurt the other you will talk about it right then and there and explain yourself. Not a long conversation either, just a "I said that because I respect your idea but I also like my idea so I'll meet you halfway." and she can say, "I don't think this is a negotiable matter!" and you can either agree with her or tell her you disagree. But part of rule 4). is respecting the other persons opinion even if you disagree. In a matter where two people disagree but they still want to maintain a close connection COMPROMISE is necessary. If she can't compromise you will be constantly having to negate your own feelings and logic to please hers and it will destroy you. It is already hurting you and wearing down your sense of self worth. No relationship should take away who you are but rather respect and share who you are.
     
  3. Tara

    Tara Guest

    Luliby said it all! i hope that has helped you some :arms:
     
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