I feel terrible

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Silverpuddle, Nov 11, 2013.

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  1. Silverpuddle

    Silverpuddle SF Author

    Hello . . . I've read this forum many times but I don't think I've ever posted in it before. I've really never been able to formulate what to say.

    I guess I won't really go into all the details of my life. I seldom know what triggers a depressive episode for me, so there wouldn't be a lot of point. I just seem to go along all right for a while, and then the bottom drops out from under me. I'm not working--I'm on disability for depression, and I've been hospitalized with suicidal urges twice this year. I didn't follow through and attempt either time, but this is still pretty debilitating.

    I'm just tired of being in so much pain, especially when it comes on with little or no warning. I wish there were reliable triggers that I could avoid and spare myself the misery that way, but there don't seem to be. I know medication works wonders for some people, but they've been tinkering with my medications for 23 years, so I'm sort of over waiting for a miracle drug.

    I'm feeling very hopeless and very miserable right now. The pain is like lying naked on a bed of nails, and I'm desperate for it to stop. I don't really want to kill myself, but that option gets more and more appealing as the pain intensifies. Thank you for listening. I'm hoping that posting this helps in some way.
     
  2. NickHalden

    NickHalden Member

    Hi Silverpuddle.

    I can't even imagine living with this depression for 23 years. I've only been suffering from depression for about 9 months, since my arrest, and my wedding was canceled. I've been thinking of getting on anti-dep's since my court date is coming up, and it all looks pretty grim, but it sounds like they might not even work.

    Do you have an escape? Somewhere you can go, or something constructive you can do when the depression gets bad? For me, my isolation is what gets me so depressed about the outcome of my actions. And finding ways to be around people seems to help.

    Anyway, hope tomorrow is a good day for you. And me ;)

    Best Regards,

    Nick
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am so sorry for the tremendous and long enduring pain you are in. I hope that a miracle treatment comes along soon. I really do. There are discoveries made all the time. I have to keep that hope that some kind of miracle treatment will be found. Maybe it will not be a cure. But something that can help. Sometimes thats really all I have to hold to is that hope. But it usually can get me through. I hope you will keep posting here. It often helps me when I am feeling so hopeless.
    :butterfly6::butterfly7::butterfly9::dog_smiley::butterfly1::butterfly5::butterfly048:
     
  4. Silverpuddle

    Silverpuddle SF Author

    Thank you both for your kind words. :) It helps to know that somebody, somewhere, is listening.
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes I am listening, for sure :hug: :arms: :giraffe::frog_banjo: :dragon:
     
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