Hello . . . I've read this forum many times but I don't think I've ever posted in it before. I've really never been able to formulate what to say. I guess I won't really go into all the details of my life. I seldom know what triggers a depressive episode for me, so there wouldn't be a lot of point. I just seem to go along all right for a while, and then the bottom drops out from under me. I'm not working--I'm on disability for depression, and I've been hospitalized with suicidal urges twice this year. I didn't follow through and attempt either time, but this is still pretty debilitating. I'm just tired of being in so much pain, especially when it comes on with little or no warning. I wish there were reliable triggers that I could avoid and spare myself the misery that way, but there don't seem to be. I know medication works wonders for some people, but they've been tinkering with my medications for 23 years, so I'm sort of over waiting for a miracle drug. I'm feeling very hopeless and very miserable right now. The pain is like lying naked on a bed of nails, and I'm desperate for it to stop. I don't really want to kill myself, but that option gets more and more appealing as the pain intensifies. Thank you for listening. I'm hoping that posting this helps in some way.