I am sorry for these years honestly.. I have been very selfish, I know that.. I happen to have problems that occur in just the wrong moment.. I don't accept a lot of help from therapists, hospitals, friends advice or otherwise.. (especially right away) I never have.. I feel bad about everything here.. I feel like I have said things I shouldn't have said.. Opened my mouth when I should have been listening.. And I'm already aware of the consequences some of that has caused.. I can't shut myself up sometimes.. I'm trying to work on that.. I'm sorry..