I feel that I'm at the end of my rope

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by theleastofthese, Mar 5, 2008.

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  1. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    and don't know where to turn now. I'm fighting alcohol addiction and severe depression and the two together are more than I can stand. I know that the alcohol makes the depression worse, and that I should stop drinking, but the desire to just drown myself is so great that I end up drinking until I pass out and for a few blessed hours, have relief from the pain of being alive. I know that by drinking, I will drink myself to death, and maybe that's the goal. I just don't know anymore. I don't know anything except for this overwhelming misery. I am lost and afraid and alone. All I know for sure is that I hate myself and what I've become.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2008
  2. TrAgIcK EvEntZ

    TrAgIcK EvEntZ Well-Known Member

    And are you sure there's no possible way for you to stop drinking?:(
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    believe me, I am trying, I'm just not doing very well at the moment. I cannot tolerate the withdrawal effects and it's very hard to get thru them. The withdrawal, combined with my horrible depression, are more than I can stand right now. I am trying, tho I feel that I'm losing the fight.:sad::sad:
  4. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Severe alcohol addiction left untreated and unaddressed by profressional intervention can be a fatal malady, so it's important to maybe quit "trying" and to get outside help.

    I can relate. I like sleeping way too much for it to be healthy.

    Sometimes, waking up is like waking into some kind of nightmare of its own. For one, my body cries: Klonopin! Quick!

    But then there are the oppressive challenges of just living. I'm out of depression now, but being utterly alone with no one (i.e., familial ties) who genuinely cares is just... well, depressing! lol Not clinically so, but shit. It's pretty rough way to live on a daily basis.

  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I no longer have the option of "outside help" as I was in rehab twice so far this year and the second time I left "against staff advice" on bad terms and so cannot go back there. so I must do this on my own, at home. I did it a week ago and made it to four days, I've just got to do it again. a daunting task but it can be done.
  6. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    I've been there! Leaving AMA and sorta "kicked" out of ER after so many, many times, left with no place to turn to but my own abilities. And you're right about both! Daunting task but can be pulled off....

    Luck to you! :hug:
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    well i'm starting over again and will try to live thru the first few days of withdrawal, the first day is the worst. but i'll try hard to make it thru the first two days and thenit gets easier to tolerate. please keep me in your thoughts that i make it this time. and that i stay sober. i've got to, or i'll drink myself to death.
  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    I'm your huckleberry... I am watching you closely. Sober or drinking, you ain't doing this alone.
  9. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i ended up in the hosptial for three hours on the 6th for the withdrawal was so bad. they gave me ashot and i went home. the next day i called my alcohol counselor and she said that if the withdrawal was that severe - which it was - that i could drink just a little bit every four hours to keep the effects at bay. but of course i eventually ran out and so i've been up and down all friday nite and trying to sleep today away. i feel so unreal like im floating, very dizzy and anxious, racing pounding heart and feeling of impending doom. but i got thru today, now if i can make it thru tomorrow the worst will be over. i just have to get thru tonite and tomorrow. i have some seroquel that was given me last year but i couldn't take it cause it made me so sleepy. sonow i'm taking one of those every eight hours just to make me sleep.
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you can find that much needed relief hun. Keep us up to date on how things are going. You have many of us standing behind you hoping for your success. :hug:
  11. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it's now been over 24 hours since my last drink. have been drinking gallons of water and my special herbal detox/calming tea. slept most of yesterday. please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.
  12. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    Good luck.
    Love and healing xxx
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