I feel tricked

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by kushioncut, Sep 2, 2012.

  1. kushioncut

    kushioncut Active Member

    Yes, I have been having suicidal ideations for the past month and things looked pretty grim at times. I shared these with approriate professionals and a plan was developed. I was in severe physical pain Monday night. I took a lot of tylenol ( not all at once). I was not trying to kill myself at that point, just trying to releive pain to sleep. I called my pschiatrist the next day about a question i had on a refill and mentioned the tylenol. She knew I had been taking that much tylenol for quite some time when I couldnt sleep. In June, when I was in ER for vertigo, i mentioned the amount of tylenol i took for pain. They checked my tylenol level, and let me go.

    When my psych dr found out what i did this time, she said I should call my family dr to see if i needed to go to ER. She called back 30 minutes later to see if I called and wasnt satisfied that I left a message as offcie was closed for lunch. She encouraged me to call poison control. I did. Then she called back again to say she was able to reach my dr and I was to go to ER. I said I would go and I did, getting a phone call from my counselor on the way making sure I was going to hospital.

    At the ER, I told them how much tylenol I took, and that I had been in ER in June and it was no problem. They did blood work and told me my tylenol levels were dangerously high and they had to admit me for the night to monitor my heart and give me the first few doses of medcine, then i could take the rest at home. I started to cry, as I live with my elderly mom and there was no one to stay with her in the night. They put me on a cardiac unit, with a heart monitor and IV for fluids. I screamed in pain during the night and they ordered morphine every 3 hours for the pain that I origianlly took the tylenol for. By the enxt day, it was late afternoon and no talk of me being discharged. The nurse told me they were not discharging me and if i go against medical advice, i would have consequences. I asked to speak to the Social Worker, as I still had not seen a DR yet ( a NP admitted me to unit from ER). The socal worker came in with the DR. I kneew the SW, used to work with her. They scolded me for taking more OTC meds than bottle said too. I told them that I have told other drs and even there own dr in ER in June I had been taking that much for pain, and it was not intentional overdose. Before I knew it, I was face to face with DR from behavioral science unit. She did the mini question test on me ( todays date, the presidents name...) and left, then returned to say she spoke with my counselor who has been very concerned about me and wanted me admitted. I cried and cried.

    The security guard escorted me to the BSU and I cried more, I cried so much that the nurse that was trying to go over paprework with me, walked out and never came back, not explaining anyhting to me. A nurse came back later to say they went thru my purse and lcoked up my money and car keys. And stated I could not have my purse either. I stayed in my room until I was told to come to the "med window". I rec'd my antidpressent and the meds to get tylenol out of me. I asked about pain medicine ( for the original reason I took tylenol in the first place). I was told I could have a motrin. I refused the motrin saying I know it wont help. The nurse said if i took it, then they would call dr in night. I took it. I had bad pain in the night, went to nurses station and was told on call Dr said nothing but motrin. It became ugly and my anger came out. ( I am not typically an angry person) I started screaming at the nurse, asking what I was supposed to do. I was told to go to my room, and if pain didnt decrease in night then, i could bring my blanket and "hang out" on the couch in the living area.

    The next morning, a recreational therapist did her " what do you do for fun" assessemnt with me. I did her little quiz and told her that I knew nothing of what was expected of me, nor did I undertsand the paperwork that the first nurse left in my room. She told me to go to a board and find out who my one on one staff was for day and find them to get paperwork expalined. She suggested I go to groups or they will see me as uncooperative and not wanting to learn how to resolve why I was admitted. The one on one person asked me to sign a treatment plan they developed. It must have been a generic plan they use with everyone, as nothing applied to me. I respectfully refused to sign, stating those goals are not what I was admitted for. I went to my first group that morning, a DBT group and didnt say a word.

    I met with the dr early afternoon. She said she would order a tramadol for my pain, if I went to all the groups, stopped crying and stayed in the "living area" of the facility I could go home the next day if my bloodowrk came back ok that she was going to order for that afternoon. I attended all the groups from then on, even an AA group and I am not an alcoholic. I didnt cry, no matter how sad I felt. Or how frustarted that I was even there.

    The next morning, I met with dr, who said I could go home. They called my therapist to confirm I had my standing appt next Thursday and had me call my own dr for an appt on Tuesday. The only changes the dr made when I was there was to increase my antidepressent by 15 mg a night. Thats it! I asked if i needed follow up blood work and was told no, everything was ok now. She said my therpaist sounded confused why I was being released so early and she expalined they were not not term treatment. She asked if I had any anger towards my therapist and I said no. She asked if I learned anything while I was in their program and I said no, the groups or very little one on one counseling I got did not help, the olny thing I learned was it was not ok to cry.

    I am freaking out about going back to work. I have a note from the hosptial saying I can return Tuesday with no restrictions. I am afraid I am going to be discrimnated agaisnt at work and they are going to try to find a way to fire me. I had called my own drs office to see if they would write the note returning me to work, so it wouldnt come from a psychiatrist, they told me they could not write note as they didnt take me off. I called my supervisor on Thursday and told her I was in hospital but not why, and I expected to be back to work on Tuesday. I sent her a text on Friday saying I was discharged and returning Tuesday. SHe told me to meeet with her first thing, as we have to meet with Staff Development and possibly higher management to do a return to work plan. I have done these plans before, they are intrusive. Even though your medical info is private they ask specific questions. I am so scared!!!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You do not have to tell themwhy you were there thatis confidential You just state you were not well you had some blood work done now all is ok They probably will ask you more physical stuff lifting youcan do standing how long ect Just let them know doc says you are cleared togo back to work that is all they need to know hugs