I feel... *trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sa Palomera, Jan 18, 2007.

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  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    ...the need to harm myself worse than ever.

    I had my method, but I broke my lighter the other day by spilling wine over it and because of the storm going on around here I couldn't go out to buy me a new one. Now I'm here without my lighter and it's driving me nuts. I want to f****** burn so badly! Now all I'm doing is pulling my scabs off and punching myself in my face. But what I really would WANT to do right now, and It's really taking so much effort not to do it, is:
    banging my head on the floor till I'm bleeding all over the floor. cutting myself so deep that I'd bleed to death. and that's just a tiny bit of it. I can't say everything here because I think that'd be way too violent to be posting anywhere...

    I just want to fucking hurt myself soooooooo badly
     
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Darling you can do this, you've told me so many times that im strong and can get past it, the same goes for you. But as much as you think you may need it, you DON'T need it.

    You keep putting on this happy mask to try fool everyone but hun you gotta realise your not fooling people. Just like you say you can sense when im upset, the same goes for you. But when i ask you i get lied to by you telling me 'im happy'.

    You dont need the self harm and deep down you know that you can get over this. I know you can. I know you can overcome this, believe in yourself. Give yourself some believe.

    Love ya

    Viks x

    <3
     
  3. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Please Est, please try and stay calm. You dont need to do this, you know you can get past it. If you need somebody to try and help distract you, or talk to you, you know im here :hug: Please dont take it any further.

    Where all here for you :hug:
     
  4. bipolarkitty

    bipolarkitty Well-Known Member

    I know it's really hard, but you can get through this. Take some deep breaths and try to distract yourself. Watch tv, read a book, maybe write something. Lean on your friends, this is when you need them the most. They can help you through this. You don't have to do it alone.

    If you want to talk, you can reach me on msn. bipolarkitty@hotmail.com
     
  5. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    the urge wont go away and I've given in to it, yet again :cry: I know I was supposed to stay strong and all that shit, but I just can't. They are breaking me without knowing it. THey're making me go mental without knowing it... I cant deal with them so I just go around cutting myself. It's what I deserve, isnt it. I mean if even THEY treat me like shit, than I myself are more than legible to treat myself like crap as well.
    They're supposed to set an example ... :cry:
     
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I love you, Est. You can do this, we all know it, you are the only one who doesn't. It'll be ok hun, try and focus on something contructive. I am here hun if you need me, you know you can message me anytime. We are all here for you, we all have faith you in. YOU CAN DO THIS SWEETIE, YOU CAN, YOU REALLY CAN!



    :hug: :hug:

    :cheekkiss :arms:
     
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    thanks for that Caz. it's really nice that y'all have faith in me and all, but why don't THEY love me, care for me and have faith in me?? even one of those would already be enough. Just that they care for me, that's all I ask for... :cry: is that too much to ask from a parent??? :cry:
     
  8. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    No, it is not too much to ask... and, I seriously don't understand some people. I am sure your father cares for you, maybe not as much as you deserve but he does care for you. I know how it is to crave the love and care of a parent hun. My mother let her husband abuse me and my father didn't ever want me, I wasn't good enough. But you know what we are both good people who don't deserve the shit with get stuck with, but we have to remember that we are good people and it's not our fault others are selfesh and uncaring. But we shouldn't hurt ourselves for their issues, and it's not ours, they are the ones with the problems and when they get older they are gunna realize what they did... they'll know what they did. But you knw what hun? you have family that cares... so lets see.. theres Me, Viks, Terry, Matt, Josh, Kelly, Jess, Robin and etc etc etc... so many people wqho care I can't type it all. We are a family. :grouphug: :arms:
     
  9. blub

    blub Guest

    jup caro is right
     
  10. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :cry: it hurts so much, no matter how deep I cut, the pain wont go away..... :cry: :cry: yet I cant stop cutting... :cry: :cry:
     
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Awww sweetheart! :sad: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  12. as a fellow cutter, my first impression would be to give out alternate methods to alleviate the way you feel Ester.

    but i can't, all i can say is please be strong for us, and we'll stand by you in this moment of darkness.

    :hug:
     
  13. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Darling, i wish i could take your pain away, i really wish i could. im sorry i cant do that :cry:

    :hug:
     
  14. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :grouphug: we'll be ok if we all stick together! :hug: :cheekkiss
     
  15. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    It hurts so bad knowing shes in pain and not be able to do anything about it. So fucking angry that they would do that to such a special person. Why should she put herself through pain when their the ones in the fucking wrong. Fuck sake.
     
  16. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :rant: I hear what you are saying Viks. It's so infuriating that people just shit on such wonderful people who deserve to be loved and nurtured and cared for... :mad: :dry:




    :grouphug:
     
  17. blub

    blub Guest

    zullen we anders samen stoppen war we nu mee bezig zijn? ik wil niet dat jij dat doet jij wilt nie dat ik slik
     
  18. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    thanks y'all. it's muchly appreciated :hug: :hug:

    en ja blubs, we gaan gewoon samen kappen ermee. Het lukt ons wel *knuff*
     
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