I feel ugly :(

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by aurora_fighter, Oct 2, 2006.

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  1. I feel ugly,like really ugly and that is sth that I run away from for years now...And it came back to the spotlight today when one of my students told me "You actually look beautiful without the glasses" but it sounded mostly like "You mustn't look THAT ugly without the glasses" and it was too sad to hear:sad: ,like a pityful comment.I thought for years I was nice looking,not beautiful but neither ugly.However,noone ever told me that I am beautiful and sounded believable and if u think about it,noone ever fell in love with me probably cause I am not attractive at all.I am sure I will be alone forever,I have tried everything but cannot look better,I have a perfect body but my face doesnt help much although I dont have a big nose or anything odd(btw I love big noses on faces:rolleyes: )...I feel so weird most of the times and dontlike myself lately although previously deep inside I believed/hoped someone would find me good looking...I was lately turned down by someone I really loved and I am 100% sure that if I was a bit better looking she wouldnt tun me down,i am contemned to live and die on my own(I never had a good and long relationship-never been loved).sometimes I dont know why I still try or hope:lost:
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    i have read your post and i feel for you. i have to rush to my class now so i will only tell you 2 things:

    1. please don't think for others - don't assume you know what we think about you. we could be thinking different about you or thinking about ourselves while you are busy thinking we are 'thinking' that you are ugly.

    2. don't predict the future, unless you are a prophet. how do you know you are doomed to be alone? how can you tell that? do you have special powers to see into the future? how do you know tomorrow can't change.

    please don't assume the negative things you think about yoursel is what the rest of the world, (or your students) think about you. your mind is playing tricks on you. beaty is only subjective, only in the eye of the beholder. what is beatiful in this part of the world is ugly in another. beaty is a socially derived, concept, that applies to the specific society in question! right? you are a child of God, beautifully and wonderfully made. your maker made no mistakes. besides this body is temporary, as is life and WE ALL age and become 'ugly' sooner or later - and eventually turn to dust. remember you are a speck in this universe, don't spend your life worrying about your nose. you think you look ugly with glasses, imagine what a blind person would say about that!
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I totally agree!


    I am here if you need me hun....but Sudut is totally on the ball. :wink:

  4. you are right but I can understand if the others find me attractive or not and they actually don't as far as I can tell.I was never really conserned about beauty but lately that I am aging I have to find the reason noone is interested in me.I am a lonely person in general but there are moments when I think that I wouldnt be so lonely if I looked better.However,I am not obsessed with my looks and I am the one that preaches to others that it is the inside that counts,I just wish others could see that.Thanx for your words
  5. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    -instead of being concerned why others are not interested in you (apparently because of your looks), try to be interested in others. this week, try to be interested, and not interesting. go somewhere in an old folk's home and volunteer to help an aging lonely grandma. just this week. the universe gives you back what you give it. you only reap where you sow. i promise you things will change once you take the focus off of yourself.

    help a blind person this week. go visit someone in the hospital whose face was burned or had an accident and now really looks 'very very ugly' as a result. try to put yourself in his shoes and really emphathise with them. if you are worried you'll never get a partner in your life, look through your public records and find a recently divorced wife; listen to her and help uplift her burden. i promise you will get what you give. just dont' focus on 'ME'.

    slowly but surely, you will recognize how insignificant your problems were. I know this might seem as taking advantage of other's negative situations to feel good about yourself, but the thing is that 'they need you'. atleast this is the first step in realizing that we are here for a bigger purpose than having a wrinkle free face. this is the first step to eliminate our undetected selfish tendancies.

    last but not least, what you believe is what you will get. unfortunately this principle works on the negative as much as it does on the positive. NEVER tell yourself you will NEVER get a partner EVER again. unless this is what you want.

    1. you get what you belief.
    2. you believe for a positive outcome, you get your positive result (never giveup ofcourse)
    3. you believe for a negative outcome (this is what is called 'doubting'), you get your negative outcome (if you never give up on the doubting)

    Our subconcious mind is very weird. trust me. you make it believe that you will end up lonely and it will give you exactly that. it will put you in situations and you will react in ways that will make you needy, insecure e.t.c and this will be picked up by the people you interract with then they will avoid you. whenever you find yourself afraid, the trick is to think about others, not yourself.
    look to be a friend, not to get friends - this small step go along way in overcoming the doubt in yourself. by the way you have alot to give if you are a teacher.

    'we start living when we can live outside of ourselves' - Albert Einstein.

    '...we exist for others, in whose wellbeing, OUR HAPPINESS depends' -einstein.

    please don't believe my words, just try these things out for yourself.

  6. trust me,my interest is never on ME...all my life I have done nothing but try and help the others,and maybe I shouldnt cause I never got anything back from that,and I mean just gratitude.I never cared for how I look,I hardly ever wear make up or dress to impress.I can understand from what you wrote that you believe I am a "it's all about me" person but it isnt,and people who know me know that for sure.My family always encouraged me to try more feminine clothes,impressive haircuts etc etc but I was always plain,nothing important.
    And about helping the others part,that was always my job,helping and protecting others.And about that ingratitude part,I have a recent example of a friend who I gave my everything(support,money,love etc) and she dished me like I was nothing and I know it was my fault cause I believe the more you give the more they ask.
    I just mentioned my frustration about how I look cause I recently found out how lonely I am and how the world has been cruel to me just because I am not that beautiful...I know people who are nothing(stupid,with no success in their lives etc) but they just have their looks and they are happy cause everyone worships them for that...I dont want to change myself but the others seem to want it badly.

    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    Crule world! Ask me about it?

    It's funny! You say: I don't want to change myself but the others seem to want it badly...
    ME: I want and wish to change my self, but I can't, because others seem to won't let me badly!
    Sometimes I just want to scream and stick a knife in my heart from being so alone:sad:
    I mean alone inside not around me... are you the opposite?
    From what I've read I understand that you're alone from the "outside" you know what I mean...
    Is there anybody out there stopping you from going out and meeting new friends or what so ever??
    If your answer is no, than what the f$#k are you waiting for? Live!!

    It's never about "how you look" - not that I'm underestimating your feelings
    It's just, if you really want something, than you have to dig searching for it - it's definitely out there
    Somewhere someone like you is thinking like you... just find her
  8. I am actually both,alone in the inside and outside...I have some friends but they are not trustful,they have hurt me in the past and I am sure they will again but when I am with them I also feel like we are two different worlds,cannot bond in any way with anyone really,I always feel like an alien everywhere.Actually it is myself stopping me from going out and meeting new people,I am not a sociable person and I always thought that the most difficult thing in life is to meet someone new.I wasnt like that when I was younger but gradually I became a really lonely person.
    I mostly blame myself cause I dont know how to act with people(I always found it easier to have animals as my company,I communicate so good with my dogs,they are my best friends lol),but with people I suck.The other day my sister got mad at me cause she said I talked to her strictly at work,but I didnt even noticed I had such a bad tone,and without remembering how badly I talked I said "that's my way" but I dont know what she understood cause she got madder and said "then dont talk to me again"...she what I mean?people never understand me,I am always missunderstood,in all my life.And because of that I am rejected:sad: ...Maybe she is right,but at least she should see and sympathise,she should know me by now and understand that sometimes I may talk abruptly but this is my way,and she shouldnt be offended.
  9. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member


    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    It is great to have dogs, they never tell you no or yell at you or what so ever..
    I sometimes don't know how to act around people, it's because I can't trust anybody. It's like I feel they'll take advantage of me and hurt me. So, I kind of preferred to stay alone than get hurt...
    Because it could really hurt sometimes...

    You're right Hun, of all people your sister should know you the best, I hope the relationship between you both would come back to steady.
    All the lucks
  11. I know how it feels :hug:I am the same,cant really trust anyone,I m sure they will do sth bad sooner or later and blow up everything and this is what happens usually.
    My sister is an ass actually,she is like those relatives who promise to do things and never do,since she left home she acts worse.We dont see each other often and that is usually at work...so I dont really expect her to know me,I just expect her to be more understanding cause she is a close relative.
    all the lucks for u too
    and thanx for everything

    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    You're most welcome dear, and don't hesitate to ask if you need anything.
    Wishing you the best
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