I feel like i can't describe what i'm going through... I'm very agoraphobic and i can't meet new people, my job sucks, people at my job don't like me and never talk to me. I'm so isolated..., my elder sisters don't know that i'm depressed and on meds. They don't have any time for me cause they have their own kids to care about. My friends live very far away and they don't have any time to listen to me moan about my loneliness. What is there going to be left of depressed old retarted me??? At least i'm not suicidal anymore, i'm just very scared of drinking or buying drugs again to cope with my loneliness and the reasons why i hate myself so much. I've been over my weed and alcohol addiction but it's a real struggle cause drugs made me feel like i wasn't alone, time flew by and i had fun. But now i'm stuck with reality, and it ain't pretty, i can't live and i can't die. I have a speach disorder so it's not easy for me to meet people who can take the time to listen to me, most people are prejudging me before they get to know me. Anyway i'm going to the AA-meeting thursday. I feel so lonely and depressed and desperate, i thought about meeting with other schizophrenic agoraphobic people like me but i don't know... how will i do that. Do i have to start a group of mentally disabled people by putting ads on websites?