I Feel Violated.

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#1
Short backstory. I am a 20 year old gay male who dated this guy from January to April. First guy who ever said he loved me and vice versa. I didn't really feel ready for him so I decided to let him move on and find someone who was. During this time, though, we had some levels of sexual contact. Recently, he got a new boyfriend. I felt extremely envious. I told him that I loved him as a person but to watch him with his new boyfriend online all the time would be too much. I ended our friendship. Right after doing that, I discovered that he's on probation for lewd and lavicious acts with a child under the age of twelve. Am I wrong for feeling violated? Am I making this too much about me? I feel like emotions were manipulated. I feel lied to even though he had no obligation to tell me. My friends tell me if I don't wanna even pursue friendship with this guy, then I shouldn't ask what the story is. I don't know if I'll feel sane without asking. Would knowing make me feel worse? Do I have a valid reason to be upset? Was my entir relationship with him a lie? I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and it's so difficult for me to articulate them right now.
 

Laura79

Well-Known Member
#2
I don’t think your wrong for feeling violated at all. This was someone you had feelings for and was close to. It would drive me crazy wondering But do you think you will feel better after knowing?? You definitely have a valid reason for being upset. I would be upset.
 

Walker

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#3
You've got a valid reason to be upset but trust me, knowing whatever happened with this crime that may or may not have happened isn't going to make you feel better. It'll likely only lead to more questions. Honestly, people in that situation frequently make up stories about how the crime was committed and make it sound like the details aren't what they seemed like at the time. "Oh we were dating", "they had things mixed up", "there was no evidence", "I was framed", etc. You're not pursuing a friendship with this individual and that's for the best. No need to try to weasel some story or lies out of him to get him to tell you what happened before you were around.
I'm sorry that this happened to you but try not to let it taint your future dating endeavors. Nothing that happened with him before you were around makes what you had together a lie. His past was his past and yours was yours. (His was much shadier! But still.)
 
#4
Short backstory. I am a 20 year old gay male who dated this guy from January to April. First guy who ever said he loved me and vice versa. I didn't really feel ready for him so I decided to let him move on and find someone who was. During this time, though, we had some levels of sexual contact. Recently, he got a new boyfriend. I felt extremely envious. I told him that I loved him as a person but to watch him with his new boyfriend online all the time would be too much. I ended our friendship. Right after doing that, I discovered that he's on probation for lewd and lavicious acts with a child under the age of twelve. Am I wrong for feeling violated? Am I making this too much about me? I feel like emotions were manipulated. I feel lied to even though he had no obligation to tell me. My friends tell me if I don't wanna even pursue friendship with this guy, then I shouldn't ask what the story is. I don't know if I'll feel sane without asking. Would knowing make me feel worse? Do I have a valid reason to be upset? Was my entir relationship with him a lie? I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and it's so difficult for me to articulate them right now.
Hi Polarized, I agree with @Laura79 and @walkerbait95 .. and fully understand why you are upset and emotionally hurt. But, like Walkerbait says, the past is the past .. leave his past where it is. It will no longer affect your life. You are much better than this and will go in to have much more fulfilling, honest and open relationships. Move forward, find peace and happiness. Much love and hugs xx
 
#5
You've got a valid reason to be upset but trust me, knowing whatever happened with this crime that may or may not have happened isn't going to make you feel better. It'll likely only lead to more questions. Honestly, people in that situation frequently make up stories about how the crime was committed and make it sound like the details aren't what they seemed like at the time. "Oh we were dating", "they had things mixed up", "there was no evidence", "I was framed", etc. You're not pursuing a friendship with this individual and that's for the best. No need to try to weasel some story or lies out of him to get him to tell you what happened before you were around.
I'm sorry that this happened to you but try not to let it taint your future dating endeavors. Nothing that happened with him before you were around makes what you had together a lie. His past was his past and yours was yours. (His was much shadier! But still.)
I ended up asking. You were right, more questions than answers. I also got a lot of answers you predicted too. "We were dating, I didn't know he was underrage, that's not the full story" etc. Officially out of contact with him, though. Just trying to move on now.
 

Walker

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SF Supporter
#6
Yeah. That sucks man. Sex offenders are freaking liars. All of them. Maaaybe it's a misunderstanding - but he got charged so someone didn't think so. Screw it. Pack up & move on. Consider yourself very lucky you only invested a few months into the little creep.

However, that sucks & I do wish you well. Not all guys are even remotely like this.
 
#7
I ended up asking. You were right, more questions than answers. I also got a lot of answers you predicted too. "We were dating, I didn't know he was underrage, that's not the full story" etc. Officially out of contact with him, though. Just trying to move on now.
Keep “walking” away from him Polarized. What a creep. You are worth SO much more xx
 
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