I' ve been having crisis at least twice a month, each one feels worst then the last, I don't know if it's normal or what I have. Today was by far the worst, I was left Alone at my house during it. I was thinking about which way to end it, I even wrote a letter to my family, and was looking for something to use. I just cried after I couldnt find it. I... Don't know how to ever talk to my family about it or anything. No one really knows I've been thinking about death. I've been diagnoise once with anixety disorder, ever since then, I could say I've been dealing with depression from time to time, only a few days I feel on track but then I feel down. I only talk to my mom but I sugar coat how I feel to her, I don't want to worry her. I have no friends anymore, I don't keep in contact with them, basically I'm isolated from the outside, sadly I like it that way. I would like to get some sort if help and knowledge of what I have. Also I'm currently ending my medication for my anxiety which is zoloft, I thought it would help with my depression but it didnt really, it got worst from lowering the doses ...also I struggle with my eating habits, and when I do starve myself, my episodes are more intense, is there a relation between it?