I figured no one cares

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sadguy33, Aug 16, 2012.

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  1. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    no one cares don't ask whats wrong either because everytime someone does I put whats wrong and no one responds.

    thanks for Witty and IV for being one of the few people to care about me on this. I think i should just go now.
  2. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    hey dude, i'm going to try to reach out. What's wrong?
  3. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Fine I'll try one last time. I'm sick of society and how it hates everything about me. First off my height isn't all that great at 5,6 I'm not that great looking, and I'm nice. Everytime I talk to a girl they talk to me but will make out with my buddies. Another thing is one time I was dancing with a girl and her friend gave her a signal and she just left. So if by some miracle a girl likes me the friend will never like. My friends suck every good thing happends to them and I still help them out when they need it but they could care less about me in fact they think I'm dumber then I am and will find any way to make me look dumb. I'm sick of society I don't think I fit in this world maybe another world would be better.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey sadguy..sorry if I've not posted on your threads for a while..been struggling a bit and now have a virus that's set me to bed for the last 4 days

    I think I've mentioned before that beauty is only skin deep..I bet you are way better looking than you give yourself credit for..we are our own worst enemy when it comes to positive self talk.
    I heard you say you are nice...don't lose that "nice"!

    you will find the right girl who will appreciate you for who you are...the rest aren't worth worrying about..
    I say keep trying and use each encounter as a learning experience ..

    I recommend reading books, literature, on self esteem and learning how to be assertive.
    that might be of some help with the dating and your friends ..:hug:
  5. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    So you still got a bit of a kick in you, eh? That's good to see. Thankyou for trying again!

    I know right? Society creates you, and turns you into who you are. It shaped you into this person, and then it says it doesn't want you? Doesn't make a whole heck of a lot of sense, does it?

    Trying to figure out what society wants lately, feels like they just simply want everything but you, and who you are, right? It's as if you are some kind of intense burden on society, and they must remind you of this at every waking moment. Seems very unfair that we are created and outcast in the same society... where do we fit in then, after that?

    How come others get the golden treatment, and we don't? How come society is unfairly biased? I mean, some people who are socially accepted and who become successful have very poor moral standards, and may even be hurtful to others. Yet society protects those people?

    You are just trying to mind your own business over here, do your own thing, survive (not trying to hurt anyone); and it's just kicking you right to the curb, ain't it?

    Sure can make it hard to see the point then, when no matter what you do, you lose. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

    This is something that you are weighing in heavily on. There are many married men that I know of who are shorter than I am (I am 5"5), and one of the man's wives is significantly taller than he is, I am talking 5"9 at the very least. The other man found another short woman.

    I'm not going to try and sound ethnically mean here, but some ethnicities have been studied and display a taller average height, some display shorter average heights; this is true for men and women. You can find that list online, if you so wish to see which ethnicities are generally shorter. I say this, because perhaps if you are only worried about this, to find a mate, then it might not be such a bad idea to head over into another ethnicity, for better chances of them being more close to your height.

    Just a thought.

    If that doesn't suit you, then you are going to have to get counselling over your self esteem issues. I am not even certain where this is stemming from; maybe you feel like other guys who are "taller" are chosen over you (by women), or have more choices than you etc...

    Still, I think you kind of already know that your concern in here is not entirely justified. It's a concern that is getting in your own way of being with someone. Intense insecurities would be hard for any woman to deal with right away, if they were to date a man or hang out with him. Consider it as if you dumped a bomb on somebody on the first date night; versus not doing that. Imagine which option would go over better, or would be better received.

    If you want me to be really blunt, there are lots of VERY UGLY men out there, who seem to find a partner. I am sure you might have noticed this by now, and had plenty of those "how did he end up with her?" moments, as you watch people in society go about their business.

    If we were going to judge solely on looks, well there are many ugly men, I mean actually physically not that attractive, and definitely no Brad Pitts, who manage to find a partner, and many even manage to find a partner who is very clearly better looking than they are.

    That's because being a man is not entirely based on how "beautiful" your face is. I mean, gosh you must need really long eyelashes, and wide eyes, and perfectly shaped eyebrows, and a square jaw, and a dimple chin etc etc etc to get married? Heck no.

    This is getting to be very superficial. Do women need some level of attraction? Obviously, but for many women, it gets to go well beyond the physical, because women need intense emotional stimulation. Studies have been done on this, while there are a few exceptions; those ones you probably don't want to be dealing with anyway (phonies, cheaters, gold diggers etc...).

    The above was only said to entertain your personal opinion about yourself that you just are not that great looking. I don't intend the above to mean that you are ugly in any way, and nor do I walk around really calling men this, honestly.

    And for your information, I am a woman.

    I suspect you might need intense pick me ups and to learn about women a lot more than from your insecure perspective. I have read into the pick up world a lot, although I am a woman, because it was once part of my job to know; and secondly I wanted to know all the tricks men had up their sleeves to use women.

    But not all men use the pick up artistry to use women. Some use it to find someone to settle down with. Some use it to understand women, and understand how to function with them.

    When you grow up, much of your life is not spent learning how to do this. Sure some people can figure this out a bit easier than others, but that's also got a lot to do with their social background, how encouraging or supportive their family was, and many other aspects...

    But mostly we spend our time learning how to finish school up to grade 12, then learning how to do our jobs. So give yourself some credit here, it's not like you have been taught how to do much else, except be this robotic human drone that basically just works.

    Obviously you know you are more than that, and you know you have a lot more to offer, but you are just a bit unsure as to how to make what you have to offer come across the right way to society.

    Height is not really much of a choice for anyone. But one way you can get a few couple extra inches, is your shoes. Some men's shoes have very thick soles in them. Another method to look taller, is to change your wardrobe, stand up straighter etc... There is an entire world designed to giving the illusion that you are something other than what is true; that is the fashion world.

    Give it a go. It's literally designed to help you feel better, even if you physically cannot attain it, it can help you look it. Just like there are clothes designed to make us look less fat, less chunky, less bulky... clothes designed to make us look more curvier etc... It's all there for you, for the taking... to make you feel better.

    Nice guy should come after the go-getter guy. If you put nice guy first for everything, nice guy will get taken advantage of, will have his expectations crushed, and many other things. Wearing your heart on your sleeve comes at a cost, and you should only do that if you can handle any consequences that arise from that.

    What I mean to say, is that having a few barriers or perhaps a bit of a boundary before you just whip out that amazing nice guy, is not such a bad idea. I am not telling you to be an asshole or to be someone else, I am rather just saying that you have to give people something to work at before you just dump all of your kindness their way, even if they don't deserve it.

    You can be that nice guy, but the stern "get's what he wants", and "doesn't get shoved around" guy too... Being nice can also mean standing up for yourself too. Being nice also means doing the right thing, and the right thing is not always the easiest thing, nor is it always the most followed path.

    I am sure you know this by now.

    If your "buddies" are your wingmen, ask them to only approach groups of girls that are equal or more to the same number that is in your own group. #2, ask your wingmen to introduce you first, and to be overly nice themselves. If they really are your buddies, it couldn't hurt them to act a bit out of character for once, for you to maybe get a shot with somebody.

    I think you seriously need to read pickup stuff, because this is just something that could be fixed, honestly...

    I know it hurts to have them basically insult you to your face, and make out with your buddies while you sit and stupidly watch, feeling like a fool. But that can change, but not unless you start learning some pick up, honestly.

    If someone has to go, they have to go! You didn't get her number in time, you got no other information, she has no reason to stay with you all night at this point; especially if she is with friends. She might have been there for other reasons too, could have been someone else's birthday, or something else like that.

    Don't get too offended that someone, in what sounds like a club setting, moved on. That's what people in clubs do, go from one thing to another.

    You mean that the friends disapprove of you? It's your job to gain their favor. PLEASE READ pickup artistry material! It explains all of these problems, very clearly. Honestly. A girl will always look for approval about her man from her friends (generally speaking here). Pick up artistry will show you that, and will show you how to gain their favor, and hers, even if they are in a group, and just you alone.

    Women are just out there to have a good time, but you are making it very difficult for both people involved with these heavy expectations and making it clear you are so very desperate. Turn off, and women can sense it. But that can be changed. If you don't want to believe me, then I can't help you either.

    They are doing the things you are not, but you just can't see yet what it is that they are actually doing right. You are thinking it's all these things that it's not.

    Also, the girls didn't just jump all over your friends either, they had to work their way into those girls' attention span as well. It didn't just "happen".

    If this is really true, why are you calling them your friends? Is it perhaps true that maybe they make you look foolish so that they can get the girls to pay attention to them instead? Makes them out to look like the good one, or the "hero". I mentioned this above actually, if you could ask your friends to do that role reversal, where they act different, so that you appear to be the "good one". It's just a game, not a game against you, but rather a game used to get women.

    Please read pickup stuff. It's a method used.

    There is no other world, you know that.

    But there are other worlds within this world, some of which you clearly are unaware of. It's sad, and you should be mare aware. You said you are not as dumb as your friends think you are, well educate yourself some more. Bring yourselves above their level. Learn about women and their ticks, and what makes them click and what turns them off etc...

    Become this person who gets them on that level your friends just won't be able to. Your friends just have a few tiny tricks up their sleeves to get girls into their pants, perhaps. But you can be that guy who gets women to stay, and love you, and treat you right.

    Keep that in mind.
  6. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    (Again not asking you to change who you are. Just asking you to work on the approach...change the approach).

    Also that same attitude you claimed that society has, you just pushed onto me. You said nobody cares, you mentioned other people. Somehow I am invisible and others are remembered and chosen over me?

    Yet I have tried many times to hear you out or comfort you in the chat. You're doing to me, what you said society does to you, without probably even realizing it.

    But are you doing this on purpose? Probably not.

    So cut yourself some slack then, and cut society some slack too.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2012
  7. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Hey dude thanks for the reply. I know this solicitor/lawyer guy who is only about 5.2 and he is amazingly happy. He's got a wonderful family, three kids and a gorgeous, sweet and intelligent wife. Trust me when I say it's not about size or even looks it's really about who you are and what you can do, is what really makes girls look. You also need some better mates as wingmen when going out, or better yet just go out by yourself and check girls out, read their body language with their mates and you'll notice how incredibly insecure most of them are. Just back off trying to hard finding someone and just observe people around you.
    As for your friends not liking or liking that really shouldn't matter, it's your relationship end of. Tell them to take a hike if they even try to say anything nasty about someone your with.
    The real problem sounds like your somewhat isolated, lacking purpose and low self esteem. These are areas that would be benfical to develop, remember one step at a time.
    I hope that helps a little.
  8. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Thank you Samara a lot Samara I originally read this and thought "she is basically confirming everything I said" then I read your private message and it helps this make a little more sense. I apperciate you going this far to help me and you'll always be a friend of mine on this forum. Thanks again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2012
  9. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    thank you for the advice I agree I do need some better wingmen I apperciate your help.
  10. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    SAMARA I'm sorry!!!!! I definately didn't mean to make you feel that way its just IV and Witty respond to basically everything I've ever said on here so I don't want them to think they failed because I feel suicidal again but you are right you help me a lot in the chat, and took the time to give me a private message that helped and I don't think you are invisible you've helped me and the way did it will definately stick in my memory. I think you are a friend of mine if ever you need help with anything feel free to ask.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 17, 2012
  11. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Hey, buddy, I know what you're going through. I've replied to your posts before, and obviously I haven't helped you any because you just kind of pushed my advice to the side. Yeah, okay, I'm taller than you. In fact I'm taller than the average guy. So then I should be some kind of stud, right? Lol... trust me, dude, I'm just as bad with women as you are, if not worse. It's not the height or even the looks that is holding us back. I'll freely admit that I'm a relatively ugly guy. Sure I'm tall and I have a decent body, but I have a face that only a mother could love... except that not even my mother loves mine. But that's not my biggest problem. You know what my biggest problem is? It's the same problem that you seem to have... confidence. And yeah, we've been through this before, we fake it, but it doesn't work. Women aren't stupid. They know the difference between fake confidence and real confidence. The kicker is that, in spite of my ugly mug, I could probably manage to attract beautiful women if I was confident enough. I have all the tools at my disposal. Not to sound cocky or anything, but I'm smart and have a good sense of humor, a good heart and a strong personality... I'm talented and reliable, compassionate and romantic... but in spite of all this? I can't even look a woman in the eyes. Honestly. I can't tell you how many times an attractive woman has looked at me and smiled... and me, in my terminal shyness, instead of looking back and smiling, I looked away and pretended not to notice them. Because I know that if I look them in the eye, they will see all of my insecurities. So I pretend not to see them at all. Sounds stupid, yes? Because it is. It is very stupid. I am a stupid insecure man, when I really don't have any good reason to be. This is why I hate myself... not because I don't think I am good enough... but because I know that I am good enough, and yet I fail in spite of that. It is my own fault. I am blessed with so many great qualities, and I squander them, because instead of accenting the positive aspects of who I am, I dwell on the negatives. Everything that is wrong with my life today is MY OWN FAULT. I could do better. And so could you. We are shooting ourselves in the foot with our negative attitudes.

    I have to give a lot of respect to Samara for her reply... she is one of the most insightful people I know. She obviously puts a lot of thought and effort into her advice, and she is absolutely right about almost everything she says, and yet such wise and objective advice often falls on deaf ears. IV I do not know as well, but (she?) always seems nice based on the replies they give me. Witty (Christy) I know is a kind and helpful person, and she understands how you feel... she is a good friend of mine and I know she is a good and caring person. But I have to say, as great as it is to have kind and caring people trying to make you feel better... Samara really went out on a limb here to try to help and her advice is spot-on. Listen to her... she may be young but she is wise beyond her years.

    Samara - you are not invisible to me. I see you and I recognize your brilliance. I respect you for telling it like it is and for objectively/unbiasedly analyzing the human condition in its entirety. If society rejects you, it is their loss, for you have earned my admiration, and that is not easy to come by.
  12. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    believe it or not I apperciate you for trying to help me out there are other people that have too that I didn't mention but I remember you definately. Samara advice is actually kind of gloomy in fact when I first read it I was like "YES I KNOW YOU JUST CONFIRMED WHAT I WAS SAYING!!!!" Its nearly impossible to get girls and she actually made it seem harder then my prespective. So my next line was going to be "well thats why I hate society because of all that BS and that is why I want a different world(WHICH IS DEATH) I mean why go through all that trouble??? why not just live a different existence???? However she sent me a message that kind of put it all together and made those things that seem impossible alright. The one that still bothers me from her is that she said "The key JOB impress the friend" HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO IMPRESS HER TOO WHEN I HAVE ENOUGH TIME IMPRESSING THE GIRL!!!!! that kind of bothered me but she put so much effort into helping me I just let it slide.
  13. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about the friends. You'll have your best chances impressing a girl when her friends aren't around. The key is to get her to like you so much that she doesn't care what her friends think about you. Once you get to that point, then you can relax. I know how it is - girls, when they're with their friends, can be picky and overconfident. But then suddenly when their friends aren't around, they're lonely and they realize that they want a guy who cares about them. Most women will put the man in their life ahead of their friends, believe it or not... and their friends will probably resent you for it. But you just have to be cordial with them and maybe eventually they'll learn to accept you. As long as you're doing all the right things to impress the girl, don't worry about their judgmental friends. What's ironic is that sometimes their criticism is actually based on jealousy - they're jealous that they weren't the ones to be picked first. Even though it may seem like they just don't like you, it may be that they just feel slighted by the fact that you didn't flirt with them instead. People can be incredibly petty like that sometimes. And if the woman you're going for is any kind of woman, she will put her own desires above the peer pressure she's getting from her friends. The fact is that womens' friends sabotage them as well, just in different ways... guy friends keep us from being happy by trying to steal our women, girl friends keep them from being happy by dissuading them from being with a guy who might make them happy. It's important to know the difference between your true friends and the people who just hang around you but actually care only for themselves. Unfortunately, in my experience, most people tend to fall into the latter group.
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with this post of Wolfs..I was gonna say something similar but he expressed it well. :hug:
  15. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I grew up with a sister and a single mom, for many years I was the only male in the household... I've seen how these things go "behind the scenes". Saw how mom and sister acted when their "friends" were around... saw how they acted when their friends weren't around. Watched as they chose the men in their lives over their friends and watched as their friends chose men over them. Watched them all get bitter and jealous over it. Even watched them steal each other's boyfriends. It was simultaneously both sad and entertaining to watch. I did manage to pick up a few things from watching these interactions... though the most important lesson I took away from that is that if you want a woman, the best time to approach her is when she's alone and not "under the influence" of her friends. Get to know her and let her get to know you. Don't let her friends dictate who she dates. Treat her right, impress her, then the only thing her friends will hear about you is how great she thinks you are. Just remember though, if you screw up and upset her, she'll go running to her friends, and they'll be the first ones telling her that she deserves better than you. You don't want to give her a reason to turn to her friends for solace. Give her what she wants and needs from you and she won't care what her friends think.
  16. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    thanks for the advice I apperciate it what you said did make sense.
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