Well looks like my ride on the positivity train has finally ended. For some reason I just crashed into a suicidal mood. One of the worst I have been in for almost a month now. It was nice being hopeful and having my head in the clouds. There was a bright future.... now it is dim and dark. I am the annoyance that I once was. You know it is really funny. Once I start feeling better I lose touch with everyone and everything. I have lost touch with most of my friends on this forum, and other forums. It is hard to believe I almost have 2000 posts. I do not know what caused it. Though I have a strong suspicion that it had to do with my ass wipe roommate. He decided that he was going to exhibition today. So he left his door open a bit. I guess he thought his TV would muffle the moans of his girlfriend. Not that I do not deserve that kind of treatment. I was not always considerate with him. Then again I lived in a one bedroom apartment. Then I started to miss the sex I had with my ex. Then I started to think about how little everyone's life would change if I just killed myself. Then it was a downward spiral from there. I cannot sleep now. I want to sleep, however, I can't I just restlessly roll around. Maybe in another couple of hours I will fall asleep. However, no sooner than that. I guess I could not ride the positivity train forever. It had to make a stop. My mind has to refuel. Well here I am again. I guess I feel better knowing that my mind has fixed itself a bit. I am also sad I have to be depressed again. This will get in the way of me trying to improve myself. I just need to kill myself and get it over with. Even if I have lost tons of weight, that does me no good. I still have to go out and socialize. I just do not know what I want to do. Suddenly I want to return the $120 worth of books I bought on Saturday. Even though these are good books about controlling my mind. They might not be the most moral books, but they are books I felt would help me... however, they just seem like a waste of money now. The only thing that seems like it would have been a good investment was my dad investing in a condom.