I finally figured out my purpose.......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mustang, Mar 1, 2013.

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  1. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Hi all, after many, many decades of a depressed life. I finally figured out this morning, my purpose in life. My purpose is death! I lived this long to serve my family in death! When I die my family will get all the money they need to pay all the bills and have some financial stability for at least a few months, but this should get my wife on the right course! I often wondered why I could envision my own death, but I couldn't envision a life of success, but death was so easy to envision.

    WOW! It really took me all these years to figure it out. My life finally has purpose! So I think this Sunday night will be my last. Now, that I figured it out, Sunday night would be good, because come Monday morning my wife can get the ball rolling on the money that will be coming in! GREAT!

    No wonder I have never had real feelings. I had to fake all the feelings I've ever had. It is because I was born to die. That was my mission. So, feelings don't play a part in what I have to do. here is an example of how I don't have any feelings the day my daughter was born, I was in the delivery room and when they got her out, I felt absolutely nothing, like it was just another day. Like I was in a Supermarket getting groceries, nothing important.

    Well, anyway, come Sunday night, I'll be gone and in turn helping my family financially.
  2. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am curious how this will help your family financially.
    If you're referring to life insurance, you better really look carefully at your policy and be sure that suicide is covered. I know that many people will say that it is with something like a 2 year clause... but I'd suggest checking since most policies do NOT cover suicide at all.

    "It has to be true... it says so on the Internet.
  3. goodbye pork pie hat

    goodbye pork pie hat Active Member

    pickwithaustin makes a very important point. Also, it's interesting, I've had the same thought as you, that suicide is my destiny. But if you think that destiny is tied up with helping your family, I disagree. You'd be doing far more damage than help by dying, leaving your relationships unfinished, most painfully and shatteringly with your kids if you have them. I don't say this condemnatorily. But if you want to HELP your family, maybe you should try to help yourself. I know your depression and pain complicate the situation, perhaps more than you know if (if) you don't know they're putting this destiny thought in your head.
  4. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm still here and mad as hell!! I'll have to try again tonight for sure. Yes, I firmly believe suicide is my destiny. (BTW, goodbye pork pie hat, what made you change your mind about suicide being your destiny?) I have nothing else. I am ready to die, I have absolutely nothing to live for, there is nothing holding me here. Yes, I have a wife who couldn't give a shit and that's ok. I have a 3 1/2 year old daughter, who I really have no connection or love for, we really don't get along and she's too young to remember me, anyway, so that's ok too. I can not wait to get the hell out of here! It's all I think about all day long! If I am alive tomorrow, I will be throughly pissed off! Believe me!
  5. Mustang sure sounds like your mind is made up. You say you do not love your daughter. Does this mean you will be ok if she takes her own life say 10 or so years down the road? Because the chances are in her favor I hate to tell you but she will be damaged beyond anything you can imagine. As for life insurance or money in the whole scheme of things money pales in comparrison to the pain and agony suicide will bring upon those left standing.
  6. goodbye pork pie hat

    goodbye pork pie hat Active Member

    So, it's now the 6th. Are you still alive? Give me an update,
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't think you could do that to your daughter hun leave her She is not too young to remember hun i have a 2 and half year old grandaughter and she remembers everything and everyone Do go and get help hun it is there and give your daughter a warm hug ok she loves you You know that.
  8. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Still here unfortunately!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wonder what is the magic number of pills to take to die. In the last 3 days I have taken so many pills!!!! Anyway, What bullshit life is!! I don't know how anybody goes through this miserable life!!! I don't know what else to do............................... I know in the coming days something will come up!!!!!!!!!
  9. goodbye pork pie hat

    goodbye pork pie hat Active Member

    I did a post on here asking about psychiatric hospitals but got no responses, so I looked on Google. People's experiences sound pretty positive.


    I suggest you go to one--either drive yourself there (in your Mustang, I assume) once the pills wear off or have someone take you. Your fellow patients there and the doctors and nurses will be able to tell you how people "go through with this miserable life" more convincingly in person than we can online. If money's a constraint, you'll have to do additional research 'cause I don't know about that, but my impression is you can go on a budget.

  10. I hear death by pills can be absolutely agonizing and quite often does not work leaving behind damaged liver and kidneys
  11. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm still here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What crap life is! If I don't die tonight! I have no idea what I'm going to do. Go to some mental hospital as Pork has suggested. I say why? What's the point!? No one can fix me. What a miserable life!!! Life truly sucks and there is no reason to it. I am so done with this life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just waiting.............
  12. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    Dont you think that your purpose in life now should be to educate and raise your child? she will grow up asking why did my dad/ mom kill him/herself? dont you think she deserves somebody there to help her live a happy life? thats our purpose really, to live and teach our children how to live, untill they learn how to do it in a better way than we do. You say you dont have feelings, but that doesnt mean you dont have a responsability towards her. Are you going to be another parent missing in a disturbed child`s life?
  13. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Hi jane Doe, I have no desire,need or whatever you want to call it. To teach, educate my daughter. I have never hated a person as much as I hate my daughter. I would never physically hurt her. But I have no desire to do anything in her life except to leave. On that note I have tried numerous times to leave this earth in the last few weeks, nothing works! I guess I have a strong system or whatever. But I have no love or care for my daughter. From day one it has been nothing but a constant battle between me and her. we argue all day along!!!!!She has told me many to that she don't like me, or to get out or leave her alone. So much so that my wife had said that she feels bad for me. I did not start this. From day one my daughter has hated me. Even the day when she was born every time I talked my daughter cried, so much so that the nurse told me to shut up! Also I should mention that the day she was born I was in the delivery room and as she was born I felt nothing. No joy, nothing, I was blank! Anyway, This is my life.
  14. hoophula

    hoophula Active Member

  15. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    Thanks Hoophula. If I'm not dead by the weekend I can guarantee I will be homeless! Homeless is the next best thing than being dead. Everybody's "You think you got it bad..." is relative. Funny how I was just going to post something and I see your post. What I was going to say was I haven't a clue as to how many pills will kill you. I have taken loads in the last few weeks and I'm still here!!!!!!!!!
  16. BornAgain

    BornAgain Well-Known Member

    I will pray for you and your daughter tonight, hoping for the best for both of you. Looks like living next to your wife and daughter is hurting you, it may be a good idea to stay away from them.

    God bless you
  17. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Why do you have a difficult relationship with your daughter? Do you have difficult realtionships with other people? Is there anyone you can share this with, doctor perhaps? Have you sought out help, job, housing, and relationships?
  18. Mustang

    Mustang Well-Known Member

    I get along great with everyone I meet. It has to be something else between me and my daughter. From day one this has been going on! We fight all day long. I have no interest in fixing our relationship! I have no interest in being a father. I have absolutely no interest in anything to do with her. I have no love for her at all. I would love to die right now! I have been dreaming of dying for such a long time! It seems to be my only comfort. Death is the best revenge on all!!!
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