"Nothing-, while I may only be 15, I have fucked up my life. I only ever wanted to do one thing, I was gonna be an officer in the British army. Not gonna happen, I had a meeting with my Army carers advise about a month ago, they checked out my health records."
ok so it's not gonna happen? Who says.
the Age Limit for Sandhurst is 29
"..candidates should be over 17 years and 9 months and under 29 years old on entry to Sandhurst"
Fúck. you're 15 now. If you join at 20 that's 4 years away, if you join at 25 that's TEN YEARS away..
Just think what can change in 10 years? How much have you changed in the last 10 years?
"While he didet say anything directly, I know that because of this I can't join, hell he didet even arrange another meeting with me."
couldn't that be because you've got another 2 years before you reach the minimum age for entry?
"I'll fail grades at school, I suck at most stuff, and test scores have show that even the stuff I enjoy and am good at, I will still fail. I just can't do exams. And life these days seems to revolve around them. I'll never get close to my sister, she got 9 sodding A* "
you
MIGHT suck at academic life at school but you KNOW that school does not define you as a success or failure.
Look at people like Pete Waterman, Richard Branson for example:
Life is SOOOO much more than school, Life is SOOO much more than exam results... in 10 years time no one will give a monkey's toss about your GCSE results, or your A levels for that matter!
"these are my predictions"
The important word there was
Predictions.
I'm guessing you think most of your teachers are idiots (probably because they are, otherwise they'd be doing other jobs instead of teaching - mostly)
People predict things all the time, and they are more often wrong than right. Weathermen spend years tracking and plotting weather patterns, they have fancy computer that model the world's weather, but they still can't predict tomorrow's weather.
They're Predicting your results based on their own assumptions of you and the work you've put in so far.. sorry to shatter your illusions but their predictions mean fúck all. You can CHOOSE to do well in those exams, or you can CHOOSE not to. You can CHOOSE to work your arse off between now and then, learning everything you can, practicing regularly (we get good at what we practice).
At the end of the day, how well do they know you.. they dont' (otherwise they would have noticed you were depressed...right?)
Why not really píss them off and make them look stupid by doing really well in your exams - they predict a fail and you get an A or B..
If what they predict and think of you matters that much.. Change their opinion of you, show them that you are different!
oh and look.. shock horror they think you might fail French... end of the world! one less fluent French speaker in the world!!!!... Big fúcking deal... Most of us go to France and get by knowing a couple of words: Yes no, please, thank you, 2 beers, 2 coffees etc. WE MANAGE! So will you.
"I don't even think I can live up to those."
then don't aspire to them... create your own goals, create your own rewards, decide what you do want to live up to and then do that..
"My friend are betraying me, and I missed out on a change to learn the social skills to make more."
ok so you missed out on the chance to learn the skills... Then learn the skills you need to make friends. If you don't know how to do that, ask! The social skills to making friends isn't difficult it just involves talking to people, chatting about the things you like, the things they like, building rapport and trust.
"Cutting used to remind me I was alive, no more, IO get nothing from the one thing that meant everything."
it HAD meant everything but you've changed... perhaps it's a sign that you're ready to move on to other things that remind you you're alive?
Being reminded you're alive is why some people paint, draw, write books, go bungee jumping, sky diving, rock climbing, mountain biking, etc. It's why great sex is superb and bad sex is lousy. It's why people fall in love.
When you CHOOSE to end your life, you're deciding that you never want to experience:
great sex, falling in love, holding your child the moment it's born,
having someone want you, wanting someone else, having someone tell you that you're great, telling someone else that they're great. Being rewarded for your achievments. learning something new.. allowing yourself to change.
You'll never get to experience the life you want if you kill yourself!
When you kill yourself you're telling those people around you that you don't give a shít about how they feel. that you don't care how your life and death might effect them. You're prepared to devaste the lives of those people around you - to hurt them. Whether you believe it or not today. there are people who DO care about you. You have an effect on other people. Make it a positive effect not a negative one (suicide has a VERY VERY VERY negative effect)
by ending your life, you're not choosing a better way. you're choosing to admit that you're life won't get better. It may not be better today, it may not be tomorrow... but what about next week when you bump into someone who might be your solemate and the love of your life... or next month when you read a book or watch a tv programme that changes your beliefs.
or next year when you get the opportunity to do something you've always wanted to do. or in 5 years time when you look back and realise just how much your views and opinions have changed. or in 6 years when you get married, or in 7 years when you hold your new born son or daughter. or 10 years when you get promoted for being good at your job. or when you buy your first house. or when you make your first million, or ?