I finally might have found out why im depressed

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by GS9, Mar 26, 2010.

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  1. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Edit:
    Srry i just really needed to that off my chest.. dont worry about me...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2010
  2. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Edit:
    Sorry cant show weakness...

    But i will say i am a disgrace
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2010
  3. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Edit:

    I'm so sorry for triple posting... I was in this deep hole, i think im still in the hole burying myself alive
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2010
  4. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    hey **hugs**

    just wanted you to know someone actually read this okay? I'm listening and i hear you.

    I'm not feeling too hot so not sure what i can offer other than a :hug:
     
  5. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    Edit:

    Please just forget about this post
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2010
  6. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    seeing as you have been editing i cant see what you put but your title says you 'might have found out why [your] depressed'.

    if you know the reason, then i hope it helps you begin to solve the problem and leads you to a better future.
     
  7. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    i just need help forgetting my past,

    I mean im now going to college, i have a car, i have a computer..

    I even found a girl i had feelings for ( currently im waiting for her to turn 18 which is next month)

    Which im okey with but i need something to help me take my mind off my past..
    And my dad calling and trying to tell me whats best for me when he NEVER gave a shit when i was a kid..

    he divorced my mom when i was in the military

    For the longest time I just wanted to know that i had value
    My dad could be the most misunderstanding person alive

    And all i wanted was him to be proud of me

    See i never got any father to son knowledge,
    I went threw life having to teach myself

    In a sense im a cold person
    but i just want to be happy

    *sighs* im re-enlisting into the army and i dont even value my own life
    Im the type of person that would care for someone else more than myself

    Edit:
    I just need to find myself,
    I just dont know how i will find myself in this forest

    edit2:
    And i didnt get a gun with my tax returns so i guess i havent hit rock bottom yet

    Edit 3:
    I just got this serge of energy,
    And i want to look for a 3rd shift job (after my evening classes)
    And work my ass off
    I feel this energy pushing me
    lol its crazy but you think that people can get the biggest drive while they are down?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2010
  8. SuicideIsTheWrongOption

    SuicideIsTheWrongOption Well-Known Member

    Looks like you've got a plan to help you move forward, the trick is sticking with this plan.
    And no you don't get bursts of energy or crazy ambitious drive while depressed, so that's a really good sign for you. I hope college can help you forget your past, and get you to look forward.
     
  9. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i don't know there are two ways for me to consider some of what i have read here. at the top of the page you edited and said you can't show weakness...i'm assuming you shared something then chose to take it back if this is the case to share what's on your heart or mind is not in any way a weakness but actually a demonstration of incredible strength run with it when it comes don't hide it...more useful this way.. i know personally first hand it is very hard to let go of ones past....there were two mainly helpful things that helped me the most as i went through doing this....i accepted things the way they were...doesn't mean i agreed or condoned the way things were just accepted that they were what they were...this helped actually probably the most, but the other thing that helped was being able to talk about all of those things like a zillion times with my therapists it eventually made it all out of my system...really i don't believe i have too many if any further issues left to resolve no major ones anyways...sorry for gabbin these are just a couple things i thought i would share that helped me the most....take care
     
  10. GS9

    GS9 The Lost Boy

    but its hard cause i have a memory problem....

    I cant even remember days or what the weather was yesterday
    i feel like the things that i do remember seem like a dream...

    I dont even know when its close to my birth day...

    I wish i could remember my childhood..
    i wish i could remember most of my life..

    I really dont even know if my past is real or just a dream

    Edit:
    Just a thought but maybe i am suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder
    And it caused Amnesia..
    It might sound like a joke,
    But all i do know is that I changed with the stress of my parents divorce when i was in the military and knowing i was going to iraq
    and being homeless after the military i lost everything...

    *sigh* i know somethings are best not to be remembered but i want to know my past like its a picture not like a dream

    I do know that leaving the army i had anxiety attacks and depression
    It was a duel sided blade i wanted to be in the army, but my parents divorced because i went to the army

    The pressure killed me
    i want to remember the times i was happy and full of life with no care in the world
    Not like feeling worthless and that i failed at life

    I know why i left the army to comfort my mother, but guilt and shame i felt leaving...
    its unbarable

    Edit2:
    i want help to physiological help..... but lack of funds..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2010
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