I forgot how to talk to people

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Nesy, Sep 16, 2016.

  1. Nesy

    Nesy Member

    I've never really kept a diary, never really knew what to say. I've been raised to stay strong, to fight & bottle up all my emotions. Live a life of pretend & make belief. I've been enslaved by physical & emotional pain most of my life, fighting and hardly sharing or talking about it cause no one will listen.
    4 years ago i just gave up on fighting, living, pretending that im fine and strong.
    I'M NOT FINE.. I'M SUFFERING.
    I've had fake relationships for a long time & I've always felt that i had to compensate to the fact that im different with disabilities & mental disorders. Mostly its about what others want, if someone wants something from me they seek me out otherwise people choose to avoid me.
    So one day I went to my bedroom, closed the door & never left. My disabilities prevent me from finding a job. My mobility is so limited that im mostly in bed (for both physical & emotional reasons). Sometimes I walk around the house & I barely leave my bedroom. last time i went out was a month ago to pay my respects at a relative's funeral & before that it was 6 months ago for important reasons.
    I forgot how to talk to people, to engage in a conversation whether with my family or anyone else. I closed the door on all my friends & ( fake friends). Mostly I'm quiet now & when I go online I just close the chat.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Nesi, you'll always feel accepted here my friend, this is like a safe haven for me. Glad you joined us.
    Brian
     
    Nesy likes this.
  3. ponkotsu

    ponkotsu Well-Known Member

    Hi, Nesy. I was also raised in a "no emotions allowed" household and am in a similar situation to you as far as rarely leaving the house and losing social skills.

    The feeling of losing anything to mental illness is heartbreaking. Luckily, you're already taking steps to re-learn those skills by communicating with us here. If you reach out, I don't think anyone will judge or mock you if you say something awkward or don't know how to respond.

    Everyone here is familiar with suffering. When I was in the hospital, I heard the words "focus on yourself" a lot and I think that rings true here in that we're too concerned about our problems to judge people for theirs.
     
    Nesy likes this.
  4. Nesy

    Nesy Member

    Thanks guys truly :) I appreciate your replies & your compassion to my words. This is the first time to talk freely about my feelings & emotions without feeling awkward or shame because I'm different. Especially since my pain is different from regular normal people. With all due respect, but it's hard to interact with people who believe that their world will fall apart because they got the flew or a headache, again no offense! It's just for me pain is 24/7 & it grows through time, while for most regular normal people a flew or a headache would be a major unbearable health problem. So in the end it would feel like I'm an alien from another world & everyone else (whether family, friends, acquaintances or even strangers passing by), all would stare, judge, avoid & even feel fear of you. No one can choose their mental or physical health state & it's hard to fight my disease & disabilities and try to pretend to fit in a normal community with their own scale of normal as apposed to abnormal or freak. I feel like Being Normal has a scale ( even when your different ) you still need to fit into that scale one way or another. That is what my life have been like until I couldn't take it anymore. I can never be who I am or act the way I want (given the fact that I've got limitations & disabilities preventing me from Living a normal regular simple everyday life).
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  5. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Nesy, I'm so glad you feel comfortable here, people on this site are the best. We all have problems physical and mental, I guess cause we all understand pain there's never any judgement......only support and encouragement. It's like an oasis in a mostly uncaring world.
    Brian
     
    Nesy likes this.