Think of me as yet another stupid, emo teenager who can't handle troubles well. A weak bastard who constantly thinks of seeking the coward way out: suicide. Because I think it is the truth. Honestly the problems I faced is definitely like peanuts compared to most of the people out in this world. Small case. I know all these, I really do. But my heart just can't follow the way my mind 'feels'. And that's another problem of mine: my heart and mind are nearly always in constant conflict with each another. Thus I won't even bother try telling my situation, just basically that now there're some changes to my life now, strange and new and uncomfortable experiences, extreme low self-confidence leading to some quite strong negative or violent emotions, which is why I'm on this forum. It just started recently and I couldn't bear it already. Maybe this is depression, maybe this is some psychological problems which personally I think it is since I kind of checked it against a newspaper report about it. And I have ALL the factors which indicates that I may be having problems. I can't tell anyone though. Because there're expectations from others, and I hate being weak, I don't want to let them know I'm weak, I have to keep all these bottled up inside. Well now I'm ranting all these out because no one knows me here, thus there's no any expectations or front to put up. This thread's purpose is just for me to rant all these stupid shit, and hoping all of you will say about what you think is good about living, the purpose and all. In that way I can get probably an inspiration from the different opinions and hopefully gather my own purpose and regain optimisim for life. Isn't it easy, to die and then everything ceases to exist, all problems, sadness, happiness won't matter anymore? So that nothing is of importance, you won't be affected or bothered. Once I was really optimistic about life, about everything. I...don't really know why it's harder for me to that way now. Perhaps I have experienced more, and a little of the harshness of the real world? But even so I don't want to lose the innoncence I had. If you're willing and patient to talk with this immature, weak, dependent, thwarted teenager.