I forgot the purpose, the positiveness of life.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thegrey, Mar 29, 2008.

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  1. thegrey

    thegrey Member

    Think of me as yet another stupid, emo teenager who can't handle troubles well. A weak bastard who constantly thinks of seeking the coward way out: suicide. Because I think it is the truth.

    Honestly the problems I faced is definitely like peanuts compared to most of the people out in this world. Small case. I know all these, I really do. But my heart just can't follow the way my mind 'feels'. And that's another problem of mine: my heart and mind are nearly always in constant conflict with each another.

    Thus I won't even bother try telling my situation, just basically that now there're some changes to my life now, strange and new and uncomfortable experiences, extreme low self-confidence leading to some quite strong negative or violent emotions, which is why I'm on this forum.

    It just started recently and I couldn't bear it already. Maybe this is depression, maybe this is some psychological problems which personally I think it is since I kind of checked it against a newspaper report about it. And I have ALL the factors which indicates that I may be having problems. I can't tell anyone though. Because there're expectations from others, and I hate being weak, I don't want to let them know I'm weak, I have to keep all these bottled up inside. Well now I'm ranting all these out because no one knows me here, thus there's no any expectations or front to put up.

    This thread's purpose is just for me to rant all these stupid shit, and hoping all of you will say about what you think is good about living, the purpose and all. In that way I can get probably an inspiration from the different opinions and hopefully gather my own purpose and regain optimisim for life.

    Isn't it easy, to die and then everything ceases to exist, all problems, sadness, happiness won't matter anymore? So that nothing is of importance, you won't be affected or bothered.

    Once I was really optimistic about life, about everything. I...don't really know why it's harder for me to that way now. Perhaps I have experienced more, and a little of the harshness of the real world? But even so I don't want to lose the innoncence I had. If you're willing and patient to talk with this immature, weak, dependent, thwarted teenager.
  2. Ire

    Ire Guest


    I have nothing positive to say though I am sorry :sad:
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hi there

    i'm sorry you are so low, even suicidal right now. i don't think it has anything to do with being "weak" or "immature".... sometimes life's problems are overwhelming. depression can strike anyone, and once it hits it can be really hard to remember that you have options other than suicide.

    if you are depressed i'd really suggest getting some professional help. the thing about depression, in my experience, is that you can't THINK your way out of it. you have to take action, and it's so hard to do without someone alongside you helping you along the path, at least at first. by action i mean things like exercise, diet, getting out of your head, activity charts to fill up your time... when you are so exhausted you just want to die who can imagine mustering up the energy for all of these things? still, for fighting depression it's all about the little steps. get outside, break your isolation, walk, all of these things break the endlessly looping thoughts of death.

    do you have any supports and would you be willing to get some?

  4. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Can you tell me what the newspaper report said that made you feel the way you do? The first order of the day is checking to make sure what is being said is accurate before you accept it as the truth.
  5. thegrey

    thegrey Member

    Thanks :)
    I think I have some supports, but either I'm just too prideful or I just don't want to worry/trouble them. And haha I think people are here on this forum to get some support so yeah I'm willing.

    And yes I have been exercising. I ran more than 10KM (not consecutively of course xD) for my school's fiesta yesterday and when I reached home I fell asleep immediately. The thing is these negative thoughts still strike back and they sometimes come all of a sudden and catch me by surprise, eg once I was chatting with my friend in school. I was happy but suddenly these thoughts rushed into me.
    Sometimes I know I did these to myself, to deserve what I'm feeling now but at other times... :/ So when it adds up, the light in me somehow 'eclipsed'.
  6. thegrey

    thegrey Member

    I can't remember exactly, but I think it's the truth. Anyway they're quite telling itself. I didn't have to read them before I know I have some problems.
    Things the report says to look out for are examples like, change in behaviour/appetite, becoming argumentative with family/friends, locking yourself in the room more often, tendency to keep to yourself more/limiting social activity, suicidal thoughts, lack of motivation...etc.
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