A few days ago I checked to see if I could gain access to a tall building downtown. And I can. It's as simple as stepping onto to the roof and climbing up the fire escape ladder. So now I have a plan, just in case...
I hear that you are feeling very depressed at the moment, and I am sorry that you feel this way. Please don't make any plans such as this, I know life hurts and is difficult, but I really think that it won't always be this way. What has brought you to this decision? Can you talk to us here, and listen to our ideas? Maybe we can come up with something that you haven't thought about, a way to make things bearable for you?
It's interesting, but that's the way I want to go, too. When I fly in my dreams, it's one of the most amazing feelings, and I think it would be nice to feel that way just before I died. The thing is, you can't do it. Any time you make plans, you just have to remind yourself that you can't do it. I don't know what will work for you, but for me I just remember that if I can fight these thoughts now, eventually I won't feel this way anymore. I know it can be relentless, but you will have moments in your life that you're glad you lived for. I don' t know you, but I'm sure you have people that love you. When I feel this way, I think about my sisters. I try not to concentrate on the thought and I force myself to think about them. I know it's very difficult. If you don't have someone like that, know that you will one day, and if you die now, they will never get a chance to meet you. Neither of you will get a chance to know the happiness you will bring to one another. Whenever you find yourself thinking about the building, try to focus on the fact that one day you WILL experience that kind of happiness and you will meet someone who will always love and support you and help you through this. I know I don't know you, but don't deprive anyone from your present or future of your presence. This is going to sound cliche, but I hope one day the people around you can make you see what a precious person you are. I'm sorry if this wasn't helpful, I just wanted to try. Best wishes to you.
Have you tried to reach out and get professional help? You seem at the point where you really need it. With time and help, the pain you're in at the moment will recede. Its worth struggling through all you are going through because there is much joy and love to experience in this life. Hope you'll get the support you need and stick around SF so you can get whatever understanding and help our little community can provide.
I see a counselor, I take medication, but I'm still struggling. I hate myself. I used to be 140lbs, and now due to new meds, I'm 250lbs. I've been trying to lose weight, but nothings happening, and I'm still gaining weight. I try to stick to a diet or eat healthier, but I always slip up. I'm a failure. I'm ugly, stupid, fat, obese. I feel so alone sometimes; many of my close friends have either moved away or aren't close to me anymore. I don't deserve to be loved, and I feel so hopeless. Why not just leave?
I am really struggling with my weight right now too. I was 183 lbs in december and I've made it down to 156, but in the past few days, I have gained 5 more pounds. Really been staying hungry for some reason..
Is there any possible way you can change the medication that is causing the weight gain??
Things I do, when I am on my diet, is to find low calorie foods. Like I eat a hot pocket or weight watchers smart choice meals, low fat yogart, just things that range between 100-300 calories. You can't go wrong with vegetables, but fruits are kind of high in calories. Junk food, you want to find something to replace that crave, like flavored yogart or a pudding cup or something less in calories. Sub sandwiches are low in calories too. You could join weight watchers and give that a try.
You can go to www.livestrong.com and track what you eat every day, it will show you how many calories you can have a day in order to lose weight. It also has a thing for tracking exercise, which is very helpful in losing weight. I think an exercise bike is one of the best ways of doing it, stair steppers, just walking up and down stairs, taking walks.
You can lose this weight but you need to take it slow. Aim for about 5-10 lbs a month. It does take time but doing it healthy is the best way to go. You might try the alli diet pill, that may help you lose some extra pounds too. Or some orange juice, you get those bowels moving, it does the job.. Also drink plenty of water because that can curve your appetite.
Of course you deserve to be loved. What's important is the type of person you are inside, not what you look like. And I know it is bothersome to be overweight. I hate it myself. But with some effort, you can change it.
It's normal to slip up when your trying to diet. Happens with everyone. Dieting is hard. What you should do, is give yourself a day every week, where you eat like you normally do, then take the other 6 days and diet. Give yourself a break from it some. It won't hurt anything.
This is so very true, you could survive and yet be completely paralyzed and therefore be forced to live in some sort of hospital with strangers etc you would still have all the same problems but be unable to do anything about it, even commit suicide. I can't imagine anything worse than being caught in a situation like that.
As other have rightly said you should definitely seek some form of help, I know life can be too much to deal with sometimes but it will pass with time. Hope you feel better soon.