i fucked up

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by alvilla62, Jan 7, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. alvilla62

    alvilla62 Guest

    stupidly last year i had an affair with a really good friend of our family he was even one of my son's godfather.
    I have never felt so shit in all of my life-i love my husband dearly but have started to hurt myself as i can't cope with the guilt and how terribly much i have hurt so many people.
    My husband says he will see someone else eventually but i never went out of my way to hurt so many people as a says i was really weak. 2005 was a shit year we had 3 really close deaths in our family. Many people owe us money i was doing a job that i hated never went out blah blah but why did i do it a says no justification i didn't reaalise how much i loved a and i don't think i realsied how much he loved me. am now on 40mg of citalopram a day not doing much good am covered in scars what the hell have i done i don't think i'm all bad the guilt is terrible and i truly hate myself but then i didn't think too much of mmyself before sorry to all who read this as you have probably got much bigger problems
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Never underestimate a persons ability to mess up. That's not just you, that's me aswell and everyone on this planet. We all have the capacity for it and given the opportunity will do so too, it's just a matter of time.

    The good thing about messing up is the forgiveness part, if you believe in God then someone with supreme intellect and compassion realises that we mess up and it's ok.

    If not then something as flawed and often tempermental such as us humans came up with the concept that it's ok to mess up sometimes and that we shouldn't be hung drawn and quartered for every indiscretion we create.

    It sounds like you have gone through, are going through and have yet to pass a time where you can wave goodbye to hard times, there's no reason why you should find new ways to harm yourself further.

    What you can do to help yourself right now I don't know but I just wanted to let you know that it is not beyond a persons comprehension to forgive and although the relationship with your husband has changed in some manner that's not to say it can't continue in some fashion.

    Concentrate on yourself and getting well, when we are pushed against the wall we are bound to take desperate measures into account and maybe act on them, no-one ever accused of us being perfect. Try to manuever yourself into a position where you can make informed decisions and not just react to things that buzz around your head beyond your control.
  3. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    We all make mistakes. Some of which traumatize us. It also sounds like your very confused. Your mind is still trying to figure things out. You should look after yourself now and put your needs first.

    You said, that your husband said he will see someone else, so i'm guessing he has not forgiven you and that he wants to do the same to you. If that is the case then maybe it times to move on from him.

    Do you have family or friends you can turn to in your time of need?
  4. srnityblu

    srnityblu Well-Known Member

    Hello, You have to learn how to forgive yourself, and perhaps you can't because you haven't discussed this with your husband? Asking his forgiveness?

    I have to say, Last summer, my husband told me he had an affair... it was something I suspected four years earlier, but when he told me, my world came crashing in on me. I screamed at him ( who lemme tell you wasn't supportive AT ALL as to HOW I FELT!) It was like he had the attitude of " There I told you, it happened, now you get over it" He had four years to deal, and to top it all off he told me two months after we moved to new surroundings, in the middle of nowwhere ( We live on a farm, no friends no family) and two days after he was going to leave for a month for work, which he didn't have to, this was his own project, it could have waited a few days...

    This was something I had to work out, and yes between God.
    I told my husband I suspected along time ago, and came to grips and forgave him then, and I wasn't about to make him feel guilty all over again, but I had to deal with this my own way.

    This isn't something that you get over with over night, and you and your husband are both hurting. You are going to have to make it up to him with more than words, and more than just actions. You have to show him you are trust worthy, and ask him for a second chance if that is what you both are willing to do. Seek out marriage counciling. If you have children involved, seek help for thier sake. If one of you doesn't want to try, you have no choice but to respect that and give them space, many couples who were once married, get back together again after a period has gone by.
    And marriages do survive an infedelity. It takes work, and time, and justifying it doesn't solve it.
    You were tempted, and you gave ito that. You put yourself in a situation you shouldn't have been in, and you over stepped unspoken boundaries... I am not throwing mud back at you, but just helping you admit some areas that if you can tell your husband and actually see where you went wrong, you have a fighting chance. But He needs time. If you have healed, realize that your husband and family may not have so soon or readily.
    Cutting yourself isn't going to take away the hurt and the struggle, and it isn't going to hurt anymore than what you already do. Stop.
    Seek some sort of therapy, and discover who you are again. You had alot of pain in your life, we all do, and perhaps you used the infedelity as a way to escape ( Still no excuse) but affairs don't just happen, there is an underlying cause, and cutting yourself is not going to get you to a solution.

    yes people make mistakes, and I truly am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. It is repairable though, just with alot of forgiveness and time.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.