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i gave it my all

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dreamwarrior, Nov 11, 2007.

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  1. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    I can say with confidence that i gave this life everything that I had. I tried my hardest to make it work by sticking through the toughest times. I tried to get better. I fixed myself as best as I can. Now I finally understand that this is who I am. I am destined to be me. There is no escaping it because it is hard wired into me.

    I have the worst BO imaginable. I've gone to doctors and therapists. They thought I had anxiety, schizophrenic, sociopathic, etc. Even if that were true, I still have to deal with people sniffing, coughing, rubbing their noses, etc. I have excellent hygiene but my body is genetically inferior. My skin permeates internal odors.

    I can't have a girlfriend because I don't want her to suffer. I can't have kids because I don't want this to pass onto them and I can't bear the thought of my kids thinking that I smell. The one girl who could stand me doesn't love me anymore. And I don't love her either, but often consider getting back with her just because there is no one else.

    I can't work because of this. I can't make friends because of this. I am meant to be alone. Knowing who I am, I wouldn't be surprised at all if I had pre chosen this life, thinking that I was tough enough for it and it also goes along with my martyr and masochist complex. I'd rather suffer than someone else. Heck I'd do it for the experience alone. That is the beauty of my soul. This is such a painful and lonely life with such unrealized potential. A genius IQ and romantic heart both down the drain. Such a waste.

    I am a good person. I gave it everything that I had. I kept trying to hold on. I considered a marriage of convenience. I considered trying to have kids. All so I could live at least another day. But it's time to stop denying the inevitable. There is nothing left for me in this world. There is no more need to postpone my destiny.

    So I have set a date. I call it D-DAY. January 12th, 2008. I have $4000 in savings. I'm going to spend it all on hookers. :biggrin:
  2. lostboy

    lostboy Well-Known Member

    Wow man, I dont realy know what to write, I want to be encouraging but I'm in the same boat as you. But as for the BO thing, I have pretty much no sense of smell so if your ever in Australia I'de be happy to hang out. But dont feel like your the cause for all this like you CHOSE it, like its your fault. I can see that having BO would be realy fustrating, and I send my condolances. Maybe you should take up boxing as a way to let it out, everybody already reeks of BO there.
  3. jryan3434

    jryan3434 Active Member

    Just out of curiosity, is there really a "smell bad" medical condition that showers and deodorant can't cure? I'm not trying to be a dick but I have never heard of that before. Have you ever considered moving to one of several European countries where no one wears deodorant? Everyone reeks of BO there.
  4. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I think the last thing in the world he probably needs is us to question whether the condition he speaks of is real. There are far, far stranger conditions in medicine, that's for sure... but that's not the point.

    He's posting here... well, I don't presume to know why. But I'd imagine it's because he's hoping to connect with someone...

    I'm not trying to lecture you from a high horse or anything... I'm just saying that sensitivity to his feelings is infinitely more important than servicing some idle curiosity.

    I know that some people lack a sense of smell, be it by genetic anomaly, brain damage (a friend of mine no longer has any sense of taste, thanks to a bad car wreck), or whatever else. I don't know how you might go about finding those people... a support group for people lacking particular senses, perhaps? I'm sure there's a forum for that somewhere... but I hope you'll keep trying.

    I say all this knowing full well that I myself want to die. Strange how trying to be supportive of others seems to draw from an entirely different well. I wish I could dip into that well for myself once in a while. :(
  5. jryan3434

    jryan3434 Active Member

    I was just curious as I had never heard of such a thing before. I didn't mean to belittle his problem. On the other hand maybe he has a condition like anorexia where you always think you are fat even if you are not. If he tells me that the docs told him he smelled fine, then I would give him different advice then if they confirmed that he had an actual physical problem.

    I had an accident during sex that left me with sexual dysfunction. If someone said, "wow I've never heard of that before, does that actually happen?" I wouldn't be offended. I might not want to get into it depending on my mood, but I wouldnt mind it being asked on an internet forum. If I am posting about it on an internet forum, I am expecting questions about it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 12, 2007
  6. roxanne-lee

    roxanne-lee Guest

    i have a set date too, 13th december 2007
  7. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    Why December 13th? Does that date hole special significance for you?
  8. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    I have found something which is called TMAU http://www.wapd.org/index.php?pgref=kb/tmau

    There is no cure. Some people can smell it and some can't. Many times it has to do with what you are feeling as well. The more anxious you are, the more you smell.
  9. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    I used to train kickboxing and jiu jitsu but in jiu jitsu you are pretty much on top of each other all of the time. People think that I don't wash my gi. So I started to train on my own with a grappling dummy and bought a heavy bag. I might go back to kickboxing because there were some cool people there, but it's also expensive.
  10. dreamwarrior

    dreamwarrior Active Member

    you know what's been keeping me going this whole time? new movies that i need to watch. i wanted to go early last year but decided that i had to watch "knocked up" because that was a scenario that i thought of to keep me alive. if i were forced to have to stick around for a child. and this year i need to keep going until the UFC show on the 29th when my two favorite fighters will be finally fighting. it's the biggest MMA fight ever. can't miss that. but as far as any new movies or fights are concerned, i just dont care anymore. i've made my decision.

    i was thinking about backpacking through europe and when i run out of money sayonara, but then again i dont want my parents to have to fly all the way to europe just to pick up my body. so i dont know what im going to do.
  11. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    do you really want to die because you smell bad ?

    dude, every one mocks arabs, indians, pakis etc because of their BO.There are some nasty curry jokes on the internet.I don't see them committing suicide because of it. Most of them don't even bother and go on with their lives. The particular smell is strongly or even completely the result of diet. Those will similar diets won't usually recognize the stink, or more correctly will become very accustomed to it over a long period. But in many places in the world, people can smell you coming 50 or 100 meters away if you smell something different. All animals smell. All humans smell. Even the people who make fun of you smell.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2007
  12. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    Just keep on doing what you have been doing.......finding things that you want to 'wait for'......whether it be movies, hobbies, whatever. Try not to think of life long-term, just look forward to these little treats.....and you never know what may happen along the way or who you will meet.

    I empathise so much with the BO thing but I cannot offer any help sorry.....thinking of you....take care.....
  13. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    I haven't set a date but I find that interesting.
    I am not judging you, but if you are ready, why the date?
    Are you leaving a message because of that date?

    I am planning but I am all ready. I am just waiting for those circumstances to come tumbling down on me before I got so it could be any time in the next 6 months to 2 years.
    Joe Clay
  14. graycloud

    graycloud Member

    Could this be your problem...
    "Hyperhidosis is treatable. Oral medications can often alleviate the problem. Applying aluminum chloride hexahydrate may help. Injections can be used to stop the signal from the nerves to the sweat glands. In very severe cases, surgery may be necessary to cut the nerves that cause the excessive sweating.

    If your doctor is one of the health care professionals who isn’t familiar with Hyperhidosis, a holistic healer or naturopath may be able to help."

    I heard about an experimental pill that rid people of BO. They had a man who ran for miles, he was dripping from sweat. They had a woman smell his arm pit (gross) and she claimed not to smell anything. I heard about this pill years ago so it may be something on the market now. Don't give up till you've tried everything possible.
  15. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Well, I don't know if this is going to help, but anyone who distances themselves from you just because of your smell... well, if someone were to really love you and care for you, smell would be the last thing on their mind. I find the smell of sweat to be a lot better than strong deoderants... In fact, I hate strong deoderants... :p

    But then I don't know how serious it is. If it's just sweat, it can't be that strong, can it? What would I know...
  16. emptytank

    emptytank Active Member

    I'm in the same exact position as you; the only difference is that you were cursed with a foul odor and I was cursed with a hideously creepy face. Maybe you could move to Johnsonburg, Pennsylvania, which reeks due to air emissions from the Domtar pulp-to-paper mill that dominates the town. That smell will render your b.o. completely odorless.
  17. pluckynoonez

    pluckynoonez New Member

  18. astralization

    astralization New Member

    If you're somehow still around I have the same problems as you please we can be friends if anyone has these same issues please I am all alone
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