I gave it my best

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ***LEA***, Feb 26, 2007.

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  1. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Its been an experience my life.
    Not all bad, not all good.
    some fantastic times.
    some terrible times too.
    I've always tried my best.
    Ive never intentionally hurt anyone.
    I have no regrets of anything within my control.
    I think its time to go now.:cya:

    :seeyou: :sorry: :hug: :grouphug: :faint:
     
  2. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Im just hoping, preying there is something you can hold onto, just a small sliver of life that gives you some hope. I know you had some bad news recently, and I know the struggle is going to be damn difficult, but if you can, please try and find that strength to carry on. Its your decision though, and respect that 100%

    Matt :hug:
     
  3. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Ty Mj, I'm keeping my kids home today, my last day with them. I'm going to do something nice with them, buy them all a little present etc so, they have a good final memory. I wrote their letters tonight, I cleaned the house today and drew all my money out of the bank. The cupboards are all full. I left instructions for my funeral, actually I have seen to everything. tonight (Tuesday) they are all staying out other places and I will be here alone, that is when I will finish it.
    Thankyou for responding mj.

    Lea x x
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Lea hun, I know things seem so hopeless for you right now. Please try to find something to hold on to. A reason for continuing. You love your children, I can feel it in your posts. They will struggle without you. And your mother.....How will she cope? I know it seems selfish to ask you to continue on for the sake of others, but I am asking it of you. I also ask you to live for you. What if things were going to be better and you did not stay to see that? I know there are options available to you that remain untried. Please exhaust these before you even begin to consider something so final. There is no turning back once you have gone through with it. Please hun. Keep up the fight. No matter how tired you are. Don't give in. :hug:
     
  5. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Gentle, you dont know what happened today, i was more or less given a life sentence, things are only going to get worse and at a rapid rate. I want my kids to remember me like i am now.
    Thankyou for listening to my incessant moaning and whining, I have to do this.

    Take care and thankyou.

    Lea x x x
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2007
  6. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    whats going on...did something happen....did you get some bad news?.....Im sorry, I if you dont want to talk about it here you dont have to...please feel free to PM....I do hope something changes.....will be thinking of you..-Jodi
     
  7. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Jodi, i got th results of my MRI scan today, I have MS

    ove from Lea x x x:sad:
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Lea I am sorry that I do not know your situation as of late. I am here if you wish to talk with someone. I may understand more than you know. I wish only the best for you hun. Please take care. My thoughts are with you. I wish I had more I could offer. Dona nobis pacem.
     
  9. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Lea,

    I am so sorry dear.....I dont know a how lot about it but I will look into it better....I know that thier is hope with MS....Montel Williams is a good example.....dont give up yet....let us help....we have some real good researchers here....maybe we can get you info your docs dont have.....all Im trying to say is dont give up hope....please lean on us as much as you need too....we're here for you....your in my prayers....-Jodi
     
  10. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear of your test results Lea. MS is something that scares us when the diagnosis comes down. I do know that it does not have to be a death sentence. Things become more difficult as time goes on. I do not know how advanced yours is, but with the diagnosis this fresh I am thinking it is still in the fairly early stages. Doesn't have to be though. I have a wonderful friend that was diagnosed 5 years ago. She continued teaching for two years after she was diagnosed. She finds herself tiring more easily now, but she has not given up. we still do many things together such as shopping, going out for cokes and visiting, strolls in the park, and countless other things. we rest as she needs to, but generally things are good. 5 years hun. That is a long time in the life of a child. She still has more years ahead of her. The point I am trying to make is this. Yes finding out you have MS is a terrible thing, but it is not a death sentence for the immediate future. The actor Montel Williams was diagnosed with MS a number of years ago as well. He is very active in supporting others with the disease. He also has theories about how things should be handled. If you did not know he had the disease, you would never guess. He still is very active, carries a full time job, etc. I am not sure if you made it through this lengthy post or not, but if you did, please know that although I cannot understand what it means to have the disease itself, I am close with some people that do. I do have a basic understanding in what the future holds. I still hope you find it somewhere within yourself to hold on and give it a chance. Maybe the cure is just around the corner. One never knows. :hug: :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2007
  11. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    My doc said its not a very early diagnosis. I already have trouble with my legs, arms etc, some days i cant even get out of bed through paralysis/pain. its already causing me so many problems. I also have Diabetes and IBS. Just those 2 alone at times is very difficult to put up with but noe this aswell?................its just too much...........i cant even think about it. I am scared to death!!

    Lea x x x :blub:
     
  12. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Lea, if I could, I would wrap you up in a cocoon and try to shelter you from all this. I can't imagine the fear you must have with facing one more obstacle on top of an already difficult path. Did your doctor explain options to you. Offer you support groups to attend or any kind of counseling to deal with this diagnosis? I know you hurt hun, not just physically. I still feel that every minute you can spend with your children can help them create that many more beautiful memories of the times they spent with their mother. And that much more time for you to enjoy them. Even if these moments are stolen, they are still precious. We cannot change some of the things life hands us, but how we deal with them is our choice. Don't sink with the ship hun. Fight to swim to shore. I will keep you in my thoughts.
     
  13. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I only saw my GP tday for the results. I will be getting an appointment through the post to see a Specialist Consultant in the next few weeks. I already know a lot about MS, i already have a lot of the symptoms. i don't know. You are so kind on this site.
    Thanks again fo listening to me moan and whine all the time :sad:

    Lea :grouphug:
     
  14. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    Lea,

    You definetly have enough reasons to moan....and its never a bother to us....thats whats this site is all about....again I am so very sorry...and just want you to know you will be in my prayers....and I do hope you decide to stick things out ...like gentlelady said....thier are more memories to be had....
     
  15. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Lea hun :hug: you are in my thoughts.

    I love ya.

    Dont give up.
     
  16. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    Thanks everyone

    Lea :grouphug:
     
  17. mike25

    mike25 Well-Known Member

    Hello Lea. I remember talking with you in the chatroom a few days ago. I'm saddened that you're experiencing such distress. Life exhibits the annoying habit of kicking us when we're down. Getting up again feels like the challenge of climbing Mount Everest whilst wearing heavy ankle weights. That doesn't mean it's impossible. Just means we have to adjust our ascent.

    Diabetes, IBS, MS. Three against one. It's unfare. I myself have IBS. It flares up every now and then if I veer from my narrow palette of acceptable food stuff. The main symptom is wind. Or perhaps it's better described as a 'methane hurricane'. Sometimes I wake up at night and the bedroom is a whiffy haze. Even the cat abandons me. I throw my window wide open, my bedroom door, and the window in the hallway, all to generate a refreshing breeze. I freeze solid if the weather is minus 0 Celsius, but at least I can inhale oxygen again. Which is vital for a mammallian lifeform like myself :dry:

    On this forum, we all stroll, roll, trek, carry, push, pull, laugh and cry together as we continue hour after hour, day after day in our battles together. Please take some time to absorb the initial shock of the diagnosis. Our emotions and feelings can change like the weather. So hold on to see what the next few days bring.

    Hopefully I'll see you in the chat room soon.

    All the best. mike25
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2007
  18. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    I agree with mike thier hun...take some time...let it sink in....lean on us....you were a joy to speak with this evening/morning and you have such a kind spirit....please hold on with both hands....we're all hanging on to the only the end never letting go.........take good care...God Bless-Jodi
     
  19. ***LEA***

    ***LEA*** Guest

    I'm going to trust you all that things wont seem so bad soon:unsure: I had a fantastic day with my kids today!!:biggrin: they are sooo cool. We went shopping and i bought them each a gift. Then we went out for a meal, visited family and came home and danced round the house like lunatics!! :laugh:
    We made chocolate fudge brownies and ate them with soft scoop vanilla ice cream, :wink: :smile:
    Now they have all left to stay out for the night and i am alone to ponder what was probably one of the best days of my life. :smile: This weekend they are all going away from friday to sunday night, I think that would be a better time to do it for two reasons: 1) I have really enjoyed today and so did they, i wont ruin it for them by dying today. 2) i will have longer at weekend 48 hrs, i wont have to rush and possibly make mistakes.
    so, i'm afraid you will all have to put up with me for a while longer. Thankyou to all who replied to my post, it means a lot to me and was greatly appreciated.

    Much love and best wishes for all of you,
    Lea :grouphug: :groupwave :wave:
     
  20. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Lea, I'm so glad you had such a lovely day with your family! Do you think that maybe if you take each day with that joy and passion it might help? Maybe dwelling on the future is too overwhelming for you. If you could create more days like that then perhaps you would not give in to the dispair?
     
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