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I gave so many thoughts about life

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Well-Known Member
I decided to look at my life from clear angle and determine whether my life is worth continuing or not. Since about 16, the downhill of my hill was only beginning. That is when my severe depression started to work on me. Along with environments I was growing up, it was hectic life. There were so many temptations in life and they were torturing my life as well. I was also traumatized at the age of 16.
To get to the age of 25, I lived with a hope, hope that things would turn around. After 9 yrs of ordeal, I think my patience is up. I am through with my life. My life is not a life. It is full of miseries, sufferings, tortures, albeit mental. And I wouldn't wish anyone to go through what I go through.
Moreover, I wonder if I am asking too much. If you read my previous posts, you would know that I only crave normal, ordinary life. I don't care about money or fame. Heck, I have never had a g/f in my life but I don't complain about that.
All I want is normal, stable, ordinary life with manageable obstacles, and bearable challenges. I tried so hard, many times during 9 yr time frame, including therapies. Right now, I am utterly hopeless and all I think about is somehow dying, stop existing in this world. But as I am against suicide, I can't even do that.
If God has tiniest bit of sympathy left for me, I beg him to let me die from heart attack or get hit by a drunk driver. He wouldn't help me be free from the terrible pains, I hope He has some sympathy for me to put an end to my life. He gave me more than I can handle. Maybe, I am the bad person who deserves all this. Either way, I don't deserve to live.


The biggest loser ever to live.
You are not asking for too much for having a normal life. I too wish for that and I too wish sometimes that if there is a God, he could just please kill me quickly and painlessly now and have mercy on me. I am feeling very depressed right now as well and very afraid and alone.
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