Today I realised how long ago it was that I gave up on myself. I have never committed to anything that would help me grow and thrive and take responsibility for my life. I am nearly 40 and I own a beat up old car and almost nothing else. I decided not to have children because I've barely been able to take care of myself my entire life, I haven't even been able to keep plants alive. I've always made the bare minimum to survive. I spend my days avoiding doing as much as I can. I have no desire to look after myself, nothing I'm passionate about, no picture of bliss, nothing in my life that elicits more than vague interest occasionally, I am in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive but I stay in it because it's better than being in my own company. I have been given notice to move out of my low-rent house in 2 months and I have no hope of finding anything I can afford. My car is falling apart and I can't get it fixed. My family is understandably tired of dealing with my depression for over 20 years. I have no hope for myself because all these years of self-neglect and constantly giving up on myself mean I have no resources, no strength, no love, no belief, no nothing.