It's hopeless. I will never get better. I've tried and tried and I'm tired of trying. This life has left me totally ruined and I don't know how to put myself back together anymore. I just want to forget about my life. I want to dissapear and never see anyone I've ever known ever again. It hurts too much to see what's happening to them and to have them watch what's happening to me. I've been fucked up for so long I don't recognize myself anymore. I've lost everything. All my bridges have either been maliciously burned or just collapsed with and time. I want to kill myself because I'm afraid and I don't want to feel like this anymore. Other options seem to exist but I know that they will ultimately lead me to more suffering and sadness. I simply haven't the strength to handle any more.