I give in

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Summer/Autumn, Apr 15, 2011.

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  1. Summer/Autumn

    Summer/Autumn Active Member

    Hi,

    I've really tried this week to stop harming, and put a lot of effort into it. But it's been unsuccessful. Although I have cut down on the cutting and I haven't 8 days. I've also tried to cut down on some of the things I take, which has been more difficult. On 2 days I took more than usual (so much for the cutting down then!)

    Anyway, I thought today I'd try not to take anything at all. And I managed until my GP appointment for my physical aches and pains. He wanted to talk about my BPD and depression and I didn't want to. He then preceded to lecture me on what I should be doing to stop the pains ie loose weight. That topic is one of my main problems - how others see me and causes lack of confidence and low self esteem. He made me feel it's all my own fault and prescribed serious painkillers. How stupid is that? I take things I can't mention here as a method of self harm and he prescribes some more! How much thought did he give it? Answer - none. It's like I'm invisible. I feel stupid and worthless. What's the point in carrying on? I am trying really hard not to think about those painkillers in my bag - but I just want to take them all (GP's given me quite a lot). Since I've been home I have already taken most of my usual stuff (so all my good intentions for the day have disappeared) I haven't cut because my disabled teenager is around today and he'd see it. But I so want to take the pills.
     
  2. Ritsu

    Ritsu Well-Known Member

    *hug awww hon I feel for you please please don't its not worth it this was my attempted method and it hurt so much and did not work and the pain is much worse than what you are in right now please please just flush the pills away they are not worth it I do not wish to take the choice away from you I do not wish to make you feel like I am forcing you I would never do that please take my paw that I offer so freely walk a mile with me tell me how you feel cry on my shoulder if you need too and I will listen I will try to help and maybe after that mile you will feel better and ready to keep walking with me and enjoy the journey shout your name howl to the world show it who you are and what you stand for join my pack we will listen we will not let you feel alone.
     
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