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i give up, just simply give up!

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Well where to start with this....i cant really go into detail again i have no energy to do this.
After my last GP app, he increased my medication to 45mg(mirtazapine) after a week or so felt worse, really shitty. I was sent home from work twice last week due to concern over my 'rapid deterioration' (boss's words) so i went back to GP. He has reduced mirtazapine to 30mg for few days then to 15mg. When im back to 15mg, he has pescribed a new med, citalopram something or other. Im just fed up, ill be rattling at this rate, nothing works, ive been on sertraline, mirtazapine, and now citalopram. Ive had CBT therapy and bereavement therapy.
Im just tired of it now.
The other day when i called into my GP surgery (its near where i work) to make my appointment, there was a notice up about the surgery moving to new premises. I asked could i keep the same GP and was told he is retireing in december. This news really affected me badly as i have only learned to trust him, and feel like he knows me and my history better than anyone. I dont want to go to a new GP and go through everything again. Im really stuggling to cope with everything again, paranoia has taken over me as well as the need to hurt myself. I feel like im totally losing control of my life.
I guess i just give up with this fight.
Thanks for all the advice and kind words people have given me since i have been a member of SF.


Staff Alumni
((Lisa)) so sorry things not working out very good for you.. i also have been taking 45mg of mirtazapine forever but thank goodness have not had bad experiences with that and my other meds..

the other new med for you , the Cit***** , hope that helps you .. this and the surgery with new place and surgeon being unknown and starting all over again is an unknown outcome and understand very well how all this upsets you.. and your job having it's problems currently also is very scary for you i am sure..

any one that is a solidly good influence and comfort there to reach to now??? hope there is someone like that for you ...i am having my own bad moments now but managed to put that away for a few and bow my head, closed my eyes and put hands together and saId a quick prayer for you Lisa that things work out and get better for you soon.. tc, Jim
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