i give up trying to live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by John6491, Feb 20, 2007.

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  1. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    No one cares for me and o well if that's the case then no one will care that I'm gone and it will be easier to just die....
    I told a friend I cut and he said he cuts also and started laughing and that was a few min ago....
    No one will care when I'm gone.... I'm never going to get better and I don't want to see me get worse.
    Ill never get better I'm better off dead... I'm worthless and a failure...
    I can't stand getting pushed hit yelled at anymore.
    I want to end it soon so I don't feel anything anymore...
    No I'm not going to talk to anyone about this because I'm to afraid to tell anyone offline.
    No I'm not going to try to stay alive anymore....
    And no there is nothing left here that even wants me to stay alive for....
    I'm so pathetic...

    *sry for wasting your time and not making sense*
     
  2. bEvans

    bEvans Active Member

    My english teacher told me that when you posit an opinion, you must support it with facts.
     
  3. roze

    roze Active Member

    I'm sorry i can't help... i really am.
    I feel that sometimes words just aren't enough.....
    I wish i could help you somehow....
    You can get a lot of support here, but if you're not able to turn things around for you, it will be just a matter of time till you feel down again.
    I'm sorry..... :(
     
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hey, you made perfect sense and you aren't wasting our time, I know its really hard to tell people, especially offline and in their face about your depression and suicidal feelings, hell, I still haven't told anyone offline or online exactly why I am depressed and suicidal, and I've been here on these forums since August 2005 just wasting my time, how damn pathetic is that eh? :sad:

    I do know that there are a lot of people that will listen to you and not pass judgement or freak out or whatever like I know how your friends, parents, etc. may. Why not try talking to a priest or someone else you can really confide in? Just give it a chance, you have nothing to lose and so much to gain.
     
  5. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You aren't wasting our time. We're here to listen and support you any way we can. I'm sorry that you're feeling so miserable. I can't do anything other than offer my friendship and listening ears, also a shoulder to cry on if you need to weep. Please keep in mind that nothing is permanent - your feelings and circumstances may well change for the better. Please don't give up all hope. Where there's life, there's hope. I sincerely believe that.

    love and hugs,

    least


    PS; to bEvans: your english teacher is correct... as far as english class goes, but this is a support forum and we don't need facts to support our feelings.
     
  6. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    That's just it I'm to afraid to talk to ANYONE about this and no one that lives around here would want to listen to me anyways..... I just hate the pain and this sorrow I just want it to end.... I can't get better ive been trying... I just don't want to wake up having to do the same crap every day... I get yelled at all day and then get told I'm a failure and I need to try harder.... I am trying and it makes it hard because when I fail I have tried so hard to do what they told me to that I get mad and I start getting really frustrated with myself wondering why I can't do this why I can't do that and then I accept I am a failure and feel worthless as usual.... Its to fucking much I'm a failure to everyone..... I'd almost want someone at my school to find these posts about me and figure out who this is.... But that won't happen becuse most people would never think I'm suicidal and that I cut myself.... I hide behind a fake smile all the time and everyday I get mad because I can't actully show the side of me that I want to tell people about so they can try to help.... And most of the time I refuse the help from people because I will feel more like a failure if I do ask.... Today I was about to make a note for all my teacher saying I'm suicial and I prob won't make it another week... I was so close.... Once I have been thinking so much today I have a horrable headache that makes me want to hit my head against the wall so it will stop..... And yet again I'm wasting your time....
     
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not wasting my time, or anyone's time here. That's why we're here. If you feel you can't talk to ANYONE about what's bothering you, PM me is you like. I'll listen.

    take care,

    least
     
  8. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Do you think that maybe your thoughts are being clouded with all this negativity? What you've said is typical of somebody suffering from depression. Please don't think I'm dismissing what you're saying, I'm not - I just want you to know that things can improve if you let them. Coming on here proves that you're seeking support.
     
  9. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I know I suffer from major depression but I'm to afraid to get help offline that's why I am here and.... To try and get some help and so far some things help for a day then things fall down even farther and I'm back to wanting to kill myself if I wasn't to afraid I would just tell someone.....
    I want help yet I won't ask for it.... :sad:
     
  10. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    Aw :hug:

    I can understand why you feel nervous. Please try and get help though, it honestly won't be as bad as you think. I felt the same way before I got support and now it almost feels normal to go to therapy every week. It's worth a chance, isn't it? Especially when you feel so bad. Please consider it.
     
  11. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I know but telling my family would be extremly hard well at least my mom my dad will have been smoking weed so he won't care.... My mom is very emotional and has chemo tomorrow so telling her the next few days will be kinda bad.... None of my friends will take me serious so I don't know who to tell or ask for help....
     
  12. roze

    roze Active Member

    Isn't there any hotline or school counceling there that you can approach? Perhaps them being in your area and knowing more people and institutions around there, can give you some more valuable advices, or direct you to someone that CAN help you.
    I'm also here if you need someone to talk to... take care.
     
  13. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    I would call a hotline but my parents look at everyone I call and I don't like the school people they are really bad at trying to help they would only tell my teachers to keep a close eye on me.... And that would make things worse
     
  14. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Sorry for the short post, how about trying a public telephone maybe?
     
  15. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    Well there sent really any public telephones around me
     
  16. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I just know for sure that you really should go and talk to someone, please don't fake acting normal and happy when you really are hurting inside. Its strange for me to tell you this when I myself don't tell anyone why I'm depressed and do my best to act normal. :unsure: :mellow:

    Is there maybe a priest, any religious figure you can talk to? How about any relatives or friends? I just know that there is someone out there fully willing to listen to what you have to say with a kind heart and open mind.

    I guess your parents wouldn't like you to be talking on a suicide hotline? I am guessing that they are not supportive in getting you help or you don't want to let them know how depressed and suicidal you really are? I know it can be so hard to tell your family and friends that, its almost always a huge shock to them.

    I hear that you also go through horrible bullying at school right? Man, I went through a lot of that as well, thank god it is all behind me, but unfortunately, you are going through it right now and I just know how painful it is.

    I just know that it would really be good if you can try to reach out and get some sort of help, you have nothing to lose if just some time and so much to gain, which is your whole life ahead of you. Why not just try huh? :smile:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 22, 2007
  17. John6491

    John6491 Well-Known Member

    That's just it I have no relatives that I can talk to because they will tell my parents.... My friends will prob thunk I'm just messing around and I don't belive in god so I don't go to church so no priest to talk to.
    And yes I don't want them to know im depressed an suicidal.....
    And I do try just I'm to afraid to actully tell them I'm thinking of killing myself....
    If I tell parents my mom would think its her fault I'm depressed and my dad dosnt care what happens to me..... I don't really have anywhere to turn... I'm just to afraid to tell someone offline what I'm feeling or anything.
     
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