Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sycotic_Sarah, Dec 5, 2006.
I really and truly do..:unsure: :sad: :blink:
What's wrong there Sarah?what's been happening for you?What is/are triggering these thoughts if any?
Reasons To Live:
1. The future is spontaneous and is completely vulnerable to change (by you.)
2. The Apocalypse, if it comes - don't you want to see it? :smile:
3. You have to hear my music. :mellow:
4. You have to stay alive so I can divert my attention here and post replies that give advice...advice that I don't take for some reason. :unsure:
boy.. i dnt know how to answer that question..
Most wont probably know about half these things.. i usually kept quiet about half of them months ago..
Well, my dad has abandoned me, my mum has an alcohol problem, shes abused me, aswell as my dad, ive got so many problems at the moment, depression, selfharm, eating disorder, anxiety, educational special needs (whatever?), im suicidal beyond the line now, PTSD, OCD, *screams*, i dont know, ive almost been raped, i feel worthless, ive got no one, i do nothing all day, im isolated, i dont do anything apart from sleep, but since ive got a cold, thats probably the only thing i can do, i just, feel like trash, im on the child protections register, they said if i try to take my life again, and if im alive afterwards, ill be put into care!
Urgh,my mum is getting help, she only ever abused me emotionally, my dad on the other hand has done it emotionally, physically and mentally. He just.. he doesnt want me, he told me he wants nothing to do with me, AT ALL, he broke me, hes broke me several times before aswell, i cant say everything about him because id be here forever typing it and you're probably bored out of your wits already reading this..
I just.. need to die.. and i need to die NOW, not later, NOW.
1. The future for me is hopeless.
2. I dont even know if ill be alive naturally to see it.
4. You should take your own advise, but i dont deserve replies to be frank.
Sarah, Please don't give up. You have come through a lot already and had the strength to keep going. Find that same strength now. You can get through this. Hang on hun. I am thinking about you. :hug:
miss sarah..do you remember me..? we msn'd back and forth a little bit over this past summer...
...just the other day, i was walking and just randomly, outta-the-blue wondered how you were..and i'll admit that i'm very glad to see you're still here...even if you may not be.
i won't try to sugar-coat things...you've had a really rough n' tough life thus far...and to me, that means that things can only go up for you. maybe even starting tomorrow (yes it's cliché, trite, and overused...)
...but..i want to be able to think of you again and know you're still doing alright......and not dead...
...i'm not trying to guilt-trip you..mostly because you're still here...
i'm thinking of you..
just so you know..
Your parents abused you and don't want you around? Leave them. Your future isn't hopeless. As long as you're tied to people that harm you- you don't know if your life will be worth living. You're in a cube/restraint of dealing with other people. Chase what you want. If you have a desire for a better future, nothing can stop you.
You can only change yourself. People will push things, obligate, insult- that's what they do and there's no reason to even fight it, really. I don't fight or try to change people because I honestly don't care that much- my parents and friends have things I don't like about them. And if I really don't like being around them, I leave. :biggrin:
Self-harm I've never done. But I can tell there's a duplicity of opinions inside you. You enjoy cutting but hate yourself for doing so. You believe something's wrong but yet you still do it. So I guess- stop. Guilt will be over your head forever. People without emotional weights don't cut because there's nothing to relieve. <- That is the condition you want? Stop the guilt by stopping the cuts.
There are many more unique routes to deal with intense emotional velocities inside. They yell a lot, throbbing your head- I know because I've felt it. Bath tub in hotel talking to a friend and I literally COULD NOT STOP THINKING. I mean that with every ounce of possible extreme. I COULDN'T! Television, chocolate- I still THOUGHT. I couldn't masturbate. I couldn't do anything except THINK! So I sat down and waved it on- "so, what'chu got, then?"- I wanted it all. Every little pending detail that was burrowed in me. I listened. No distractions or candy coatings to forget. Give it to me, raw please.
And questioning "why" is how you get to the very core of its origin. I realized my expectations were extremely high for myself and that every outlook seemed depressed- the city is depressing, the highway is depressing. The hotel is depressing. My clothing is depressing. But it wasn't until "why" I figured it out. Basically, I came to the conclusion that I didn't really think for a while and was completely enveloped in television/jobs/etc. so I forgot what I felt/why I did things. I lost myself and came out of this extreme with the solution: Free (F'n) Perception. I realized sex, friends, relationships weren't going to save me. People telling me "positive" things weren't going to help. Only I could save me. Of course, every person is different but talking and questioning your condition can in fact, kill the depression.
<mod edit, jenny - quoted deleted post>
Sarah hun, i know we got off on the bad foot but i really hope we can forget what happened and i really hope you don't give up. I'm allways here if you need to talk or on msn my addis is in my profile :hug: and welcome back to the forum hun :hug:
Thats woke me up.. but ive not the strength to continue.
Gentlelady... :hug: Thankyou for taking the time to post, and thankyou for those words..
Henry, i remember you.
Hey, i cannot leave, i cannot do anything, im thirteen years old, and im tied down in this hell i live in. Of course, i am not feeling sorry for myself as i deserve every bad thing that has/will come to me.
Thankyou for the offer, and thankyou for posting, even though i was such a spoilt brat (bitch should i say) before to you, and ill never forgive myself for it, including everyone else ive hurt on here aswell.
I cant view profiles as im under moderation, and i shouldnt be on the computer either..
How about you just take a break.. not give up?
Wow, i aint spoke to you in dozens of weeks.
Taking a break isnt gonna work 'cause ill forever feel this way, giving in and ending it will put a final stop to this.
If you see a counselor/child services- they can review your mother and move you out. Or maybe other family you could stay with? 13 is so young to feel that way.
Yeah, I hope, if you're not getting help that you really consider it.
Prayer for the Depressed
When it seems that we are actually, finally at our wits' end... and we've seen the end of all that we can do, that is when you are at your nearest, your most miraculous, your best. Sometimes, the road we trudge seems destined to be dusty and desolate forever. And yet, just around the corner, just over the next hill, we see new life, we see hope. I pray for this hope for those who [are depressed].
May you bring them what they need, that they may once again be dancing on this earth.
go tell a counselor or what and tel them about it. if your life at home is painless. how the nuts to move out. you can do that. and as your moving out, you meet new people in your building and you can build a better life. your home is ehh. hopeless ? go tell somene. if you keep it inside and on this forum. how are you going to make anything better? thats right, you want to die. then what do you want us to give you? affection? affection is only temporary. and like a drug. once you have it, you need it. if you dont have it, your going crazy. so lets take you off the affection list and give you some words. go build a life.
Sarah you don't deserve nothing bad at all please understand this you've gone through so much and through no fault of your own.I'm desperately sorry to hear the pain you're in but please let us help you and don't do anything silly please.
don't do it . .
I just came here, and you plan to leave!?!?! how rude!!-_- XDXDlol
Well neither of us have been on MSN all that much.
How about trying to not feel?
ive moved msns
& i cant not feel, i feel this, all the time..
Thank you so much for having the courage to share this with all of us.
I've gone through hard times in my life when I was a teenager, but it wasn't anything as bad as what you are going through. I was bullied in school a lot and at home my parents fought and there were times when I wanted to kill myself. I felt worthless and hopeless and angry and sad and didn't see a way out.
I have to tell you something though, because you need to know this. It is what is keeping me alive and going and though I still feel a lot of pain I know it will never overcome me and it's nothing I did.
What I have to tell you Sarah is this- God loves you. He loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die for you on the cross. Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you. Your parents are not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, but God is your Father and my Father and He loves you more than you or I or anyone else could ever imagine. He sees your suffering and does not want you to feel all this pain and anguish. He is here for you, and He wants to help you in a way that you never feel this kind of pain and hopelessness and misery again.
When I was in high school, I finally after a lot of pain and searching and suffering fell on my knees and prayed for Jesus to come into my life, I accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour.
Does that mean I have no more problems in my life?... No way! I still feel a lot of pain and misery and anguish and have been going through some hard times especially in the last few weeks which are trivial in comparison with what you are going through and what I went through when I was your age but are very hard for me.
But I do know that God is with me and that whatever happens to me He wil never turn His back on me or leave me. I know that when I die I will go to Heaven and spend eternity with Him in joy and happiness and never feel pain again. And I want to live for Him and yes, even die for Him. I put Him in charge of my life and try to stop worrying although it's almost impossible sometimes.
God loves you so much, Sarah. He is our Father and He loves us. Jesus died for you because you are special to Him, and He would never hit you or try to hurt you. Please think about it, if you choose to just say 'Jesus I love you and believe in you and I want you to be my saviour' and believe in Him, I promise you things will change for the better. Your suffering may not stop, but you will feel Him with you each step of the way and He will never leave you.
I pray for you, sister.