I just don't know what I am supposed to do any more. I can feel myself crashing, going down that path again. I am helpless to stop it. I am tired of trying. I am worried. I am pregnant and have no signs or symptoms. This just doesn't feel right. I can't get into the doctor. I have tried. It will be another month before they can fit me in. Last night I told Mike (the father) that I really wanted to go to the ER because I have been cramping. I ask him to take me. To go with me...I am scared. He proceeded to tell me all of the (important) things that he has to do today. He wants to go and play poker today 100 miles from home in some tournament. Forget the fact that he doesn't have the money and all of his bills are past due. Then he is supposed to be going out to dinner with Stacy. This is the person who told him that I am cheating on him (I am not). All of these things are just of the utmost importance when you really think about it. I pointed out the fact that I haven't seen him in almost two weeks, (the last time I saw him was when he needed me to buy him food). So, he blames me for that..because I didn't want to go and shoot pool this week in league (I never even said that I would play). He thinks that would be quality time with me. The fact is that at league he is always too busy with something or someone to even notice me. I made mention of the fact that I would like to do something "fun" not something that we have to do. So, his answer is that "oh, so we always have to be doing something that is fun?". I told him to forget about it, I would take care of it. I got mad, told him to go and have a good time with Stacy, and hung up. I am beside myself. I am all alone in everything. I don't think that I can deal with anything else. I don't want to have to deal with anything else. I want to quit. I want to not have to care anymore....I give up.