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I give up!!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SugarPoison, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. SugarPoison

    SugarPoison Member

    I give up on life. After growing up abused physically and verbally at both home and school, always being teased about not having a father and generally being isolated my whole life by people, by having a mother telling me no one could ever want me, falling in love with someone who also beat me and treated me like crap, I give up.

    I had a falling out with someone I adore last week and I thought everything would be sorted. Not only did they tell people lies about me, they tormented me. I confronted them about it and I tried to sort things out. I got reponses to my apologies about how they don't have time for pathetic little me. She got her friend to scream down the phone at me and tell me how she doesn't ever want to see me again. I have done nothing wrong apart from love this girl, this was my attempt to move on from my last love. She is having a party on Halloween and I was looking forward to it so much as ALL my friends are going and I was going to sort things out with her properly, she said I could go earlier this week despite our fall out. She contacted me earlier telling me how I'm now not invited to the party and how she never wants to see me again, how she hates me and I was so confused at this random outburst so I texted her asking her what that was about, she blacklisted my number. Every time I tried to make up with her, she found a problem with me or my resolution, saying how she had no time for me etc. and she made me feel worthless. I've only known this girl a month and she treats me like I remind her of someone she hates. She keeps saying that she has known someone like me before.

    I have spent the whole evening self harming, crying and drinking alcohol. I want to commit suicide on Halloween because I am sick of this pain after pain after pain. Me loving people who don't give a crap back, nobody loving me, being beaten, being bullied, and this is all happening whilst I'm juggling work for college. I can't take it anymore. No one can love someone like me. Nobody wants me. Everyone I like can't stand the sight of me. What have I done wrong to this girl?! She wants nothing to do with me and it rips me apart!

  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you, and I wish things were better. Good for you for going to/wanting to go to college and having a job, you're achieving more than I am. This girl doesn't sound like she's worth being your friend if she would suddenly cut you out of her life for no apparent reason. I think you're better of without her. If that's how she acts, it would have happened sooner or later.

    You're past sounds pretty bad, but just be happy that it's over and done with now. Your memories will still be there, but they can only affect you if you let them. You're definitely not unlovable, nobody is, perhaps you haven't met the right person yet. You've got friends, so that must count for something. I can't tell you not to kill yourself, but I recommend you don't do it on Halloween. Its better not to set a specific date because that makes it seem like it is definitely going to happen and there's no other option, which there always is. As well as this, everybody you know will remember this halloween as the one you killed yourself on and it will most likely ruin every one they have after. Give it more time and see how you feel, things could get better before you know it.
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