i give up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cownes, Feb 17, 2010.

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  1. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    im sorry to post this as there are so many other people in crisis right now, but i cant hold it back anymore, ive felt this way for a few days now, and have been getting things into order, as the title suggests, i give up, the thought of not being here any longer is giving me a calming feeling, to the daily crap feelings i am feeling every day, i think i would be so much happier when i dont have to battle with the daily crap, i really have made my mind up this time, its jsut a matter of time now i think, i think it will take a small miracle for me to suddenly change my mind right now, im truely hurting and cant see another way out of this!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2010
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Let's talk about it Maddy....

    what's going on?
     
  3. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    Jason...im fed up of being me...im fed up of the daily feelings...i wish i could say i have good and bad days, but right now they are all bad days...ive jsut accepted now that there is only one way out of it, and whoever gets hust in the process will get over it, they will find a way to cope, a way to continue living, its life, alot of people do!
     
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    I won't cope very well, you know this better than most.

    Please reconsider.

    Have you called crisis?
     
  5. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    no, im scared of phones, so i dont no how i will ever phone them really, im more scared of getting help, than i am of commiting.
     
  6. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Maddy, I can't help you there. You know this.

    I got you the closest I could with the number I gave you.

    Please ring them today.
     
  7. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    oh god how many times i have felt that way too! oh the calming effect of having finally reached The Decision...

    but you do know it's not the right one, right? but what you can do is hold on to that calm feeling. take your decision and just for a little while, pack it away in a box. put it on a shelf. just for now...

    and breathe. that's the only decision you need to make for now. everyone else, all other matters can go get stuffed for now, okay? you do not need to do anything, think about anything else for now... just breathe.

    are you still holding onto that calm feeling? are all your thoughts, decisions, worries packed away in their boxes? good.

    now when you are ready, slowly, calmly take down the box with your mad, whirling thoughts and take one out. hold onto your calm feeling...

    and we are listening to you...
     
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Maddy - last week someone told me:

    "we are here for you, to try and help and offere support, keep posting, hope ur ok"

    please listen to your own words - hold on
     
  9. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    its alot easier to help others than to help yourself right? if ive helped one person through my time on SF than i am pleased, i dont care about myself, the community on SF is that big, that people wont even notice ive gone :hug: maybe for a few days they will, but with the supoort of everyone else, me being gone wont even enter peoples minds.
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    well then let's pretend that i'm a selfish needy bastard (there's a stretch) who wants to feel good about helping someone else

    have another meeting for the PFH but i will be back

    please be here
     
  11. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Hey Maddy I am so sorry you are in so much pain and am glad you are posting and getting that crap out of your head.

    I am sorry too that I have been a lousy friend of late due to my own personal crap but I hope you know I care a lot about you and want you to have the happiness you deserve...you are so sweet and loving and so very deserving.

    Please continue to post and let us be there for you..

    Love Bambi
     
  12. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Maddy, you are hurting, we know that.

    The whole thing is that, well, you can hold on too.

    Remember when I was going to OD, and you were there on MSN trying to keep me calm?

    You stayed up until almost 4 in the morning to make sure I wouldn't follow through.

    That's the kind of support you are to people. Don't give up!
     
  13. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    Bambi the only reason i posted is because i dont no if u remember this, but we made a promise, that if i felt crap, that i should post, so i did as i promised, so that clearly does not make u a bad friend :hug: you are far from a lousy friend :arms:
     
  14. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    yeah i remember, but there will be someone to take my place, SF is such an amazing place that you will find someone else, should that event ever arrise again, i promise u that :hug: im trying to hold on, but im not sure how much fight i have left in me right now.
     
  15. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    thanks for this reply, i shall try this, when i get the feeling i can regain control of my thoughts, and feelings :hug:
     
  16. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Then do what a previous poster said and put those bad feelings and everything in a box.
     
  17. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    maddy there is only one YOU! Please remember that and remember all the times you have been there for all of us and let us be there for you...please let our love for you in and allow it to heal your heart...
     
  18. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    hmm i thought about that one too - if i go, who will really really notice? and you know that if you go, you won't be able to notice who notices you're gone or not... not even you. kinda self-defeating question really :) then i thought that maybe i should stage my own death and then hang around incognito to do all the noticing... but that's just a little ridiculous, even for me :p

    it sounds like you need affirmation, someone to (dare i say it) notice you. really see you, and like you, for who you are... and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    i don't know anyone on this site yet and can barely keep the handful of names i have so far straight in my head... but i am listening nonetheless. and i would be a little less if you had to leave so soon.

    so selfishly, and respectfully, i'd like to beg you to stay. at least a little longer...
     
  19. cownes

    cownes Well-Known Member

    that is the only problem, you make so many lovely supportive friends here, and it jsut makes it so much harder to say good bye, it really does, ill be staying for the next few days for sure, as things are not sorted, i may stick around to see my counsellor on tuesday too, as i wouldnt want her to have to take any of the blame if i was to kill myself, who knows the friendships of people on here, are making my decision alot harder!
     
  20. Spirit Wing

    Spirit Wing Active Member

    your feelings are _yours_. your thoughts are _yours_. not the other way around. claim them and tell them to bloody behave themselves ;) *hug*

    i know it feels like it's a just one big fight and i know you feel as though you don't have the energy for it, but you're fighting for your very precious life here and from what others who know you have said about you, i know you can do it.

    just once is all it will take then it can start healing and getting better...
     
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