I have so much to say but struggle to even clear my mind. I feel like im in a dream more and more. Less and less real. I come in and out of awareness and im lucky if I don't have seizures for an hour. I have no idea how my life came to this point and i've changed. If I just felt like myself even for day, I could get through this. Ever doctor or psychiatrist I see makes me more hopeless. It has been a year and a half since I felt like my true self. Life was so easy, and now things are beyond difficult. I don't know how this could get any worse, I can go catatonic for hours, not remember anything. Hallucinate and have panic attacks. I take whatever drugs im told too, to at least give it a try. I give myself until the end of the month before I hospitalize myself. I can no longer trust my own mind.