I give up

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by house_atraides, Feb 12, 2011.

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  1. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    I have so much to say but struggle to even clear my mind. I feel like im in a dream more and more. Less and less real. I come in and out of awareness and im lucky if I don't have seizures for an hour. I have no idea how my life came to this point and i've changed. If I just felt like myself even for day, I could get through this. Ever doctor or psychiatrist I see makes me more hopeless. It has been a year and a half since I felt like my true self. Life was so easy, and now things are beyond difficult. I don't know how this could get any worse, I can go catatonic for hours, not remember anything. Hallucinate and have panic attacks. I take whatever drugs im told too, to at least give it a try. I give myself until the end of the month before I hospitalize myself. I can no longer trust my own mind.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    do you want to talk about how this happened? what was different a year and a half ago?
  3. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It's good that you have a plan. It's a positive plan about going to the hospital if things don't get better.

    What support do you have in place at the moment and what has been going on to make you feel the way that you do?

  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Please do not wait if you feel you need help...sounds like you are frightened and that is understandable...please get the help you deserve and express to your doctor/therapist what is going on and how you are feeling...big hugs, J
  5. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hi and welcome, this is a great place to say what you wish within reason, many here will understand even empathise with your situation.
    Please, make some posts and read a few too.
    I so wish you well.
  6. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    My family is trying to support me but even they don't know how to handle this. The psychiatrist I see has put me on so many drugs and whatever is wrong with me gets worse regardless.
  7. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    I see you live in Nebraska. I have been in Nebraska many times. Driving west on I-80 west of Omaha. I have driven past many cattle farms, and staging areas that are used to sort and serve as a transfer point for cows to go to slaughter. I have often wondered what kind of thoughts are going through the heads of those doomed animals. Do they know what is going to happen to them? Are they scared? Do they feel alone, even though they are in a crowd all facing the same fate?

    I often correlated that wondering to my own life. Am I alone? Do I know whats going to happen to me? Should I be scared? Well, no one truly is alone in this world of nearly 7 billion people. I don't know what is going to happen to me, but I can make the choice to deal with what ever comes my way. It won't always be easy. I don't what to be scared, but sometimes my hands shake, wondering what is around the corner...
  8. GoldenPsych

    GoldenPsych Well-Known Member

    It's good that you have a psych though. Have you spoke to him about recent things? Ask them to review your meds. Say you are not happy with them all as of the effects and you are really struggling.

    Has your psych suggested any kind of therapy. Psychs tend to take a very medical approach to things when infact it may be better that you take a more psychological approach.

    It has to be hard for your family aswell. They wont understand what is going on so they would be quite scared. I know if I didn't have experience in mental health and it was one of my family members I would not know what to do.

    Good luck with everything


    I don't know why but I love this hamster. It brings a smile to my face so although it may seem a little insensitive with me putting it on a lot of my posts on peoples threads I hope that it brings a smile to their face also.

  9. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    I saw my doctor tonight and it wasn't very fun. I have alot more hope today though because I've gotten past a big part of my withdrawl from my last meds. Big hopes for the future, which I haven't been able to say for months. Did you say you worked at a facility at one time?
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