I got a bullet with a name on it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by falling_away, Mar 17, 2008.

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  1. falling_away

    falling_away Member

    ...and that name is my own! I'm not even sure why I'm posting on here. It's been a long time and nothing's changed. I've been depressed and suicidal ever since I was a kid. Everything just got worse when I got into high school and now that I'm in college I'm just sick of living.

    I really have no concrete reason of why I want to ceast to exist. Maybe it's the incessant loneliness that is killing me or the fact that my girlfriend broke up with me or that I see absolutely no purpose to life. We're born and then we die. Everything we accomplish on Earth is gonna be worthless when we perish. The only things guaranteed in this life are death and taxes and I just want death.

    I've been planning my death for months now and I think I'm actually gonna carry out the plan this time. I will soon be old enough to buy a handgun and then I'm gonna get a CCW permit. I've been to a psych ward involuntarily before but I signed myself in when I got there so technically it was voluntary and my name should not come up when they perform a background check on me. After that I'm gonna head out into the bush on my kayak and commit suicide where the authorities will never find me. It's perfect...
  2. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    I had a "girlfriend nightmare situation" just like you. Until I managed to squeeze through my teeth one hard speech:

    Okay, I screwed up, when I was with her I acted like a moron many times, she had good reasons to dump me, she might not be an angel either but that is her problem not mine, it will never be the same between us, I must learn from mistakes and do it better with next girlfriend.

    ... and the next night i slept like a baby and had no nigtmares about her ever again.

    Only the loneliness, ugliness, attacks of panic and depression, parental issues, school problems, low paid work, fear of war and meaningless of existence remained. But I can deal with that somehow :biggrin:
  3. falling_away

    falling_away Member

    Hey, thanks for replying. Well maybe I can try doing something similar to try and get her out of my head. I would like to know how you deal with all of the other pressures of your life. Life seems to be overwhelming me right now.
  4. spirit

    spirit Member

    I've often felt very similar to how you feel. Life does have a point to it. I see life as a way to help other people who are worse off than you.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I watched a video online of a guy who was brought into custody by police officers, but they forgot to pat him down for any weapons. He had a gun on him and he shot himself in the head. It's an awful way to go and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
  6. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    I've seen that. Death is never pretty though, there are no good ways to go.
  7. Madlib

    Madlib New Member

    How did you get your name on a bullet? Was it engraved or sumt? I got a ipod with my name on it as it was a special offer from apple where they'd put your name on at the back. :cool:
  8. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    It is just a figure of speech. Although I once saw a guy in a movie (a first world war soldier) who carved his name into the bullet and keep it with himself all the time so it couldn't kill him.:laugh:
  9. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    As I said, falling_away , I deal with all the other pressures "somehow", that stands for "barely", "hardly" or even "not at all". :wink:
  10. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    However, I once wanted to kill myself because of annoying parents and school bullies. Then I wanted to kill myself because of school failures. And (the last but not least) because of a girl. Maybe if I live 100 years i will cross out all the reasons for suicide and happily die because of old age :smile:
  11. falling_away

    falling_away Member

    Dave - Suicide by firearms is never pretty and I know that. I, however, do not expect my rotting corpse to ever be found and that's the way I want it. I plan on going so far out into the bush that it would be pointless for the authorities to even search for me. I'm going to leave them a note explaining that I do not wish to ever be found and that it would be a waste of their time and effort and money to go looking for my body. I'm going to use a handgun though because 1) they are small and I will be able to carry it easily in my kayak and 2) it is almost a surfire 100% guaranteed death.

    Madlib - lifeisashedog is right. A bullet with a name on it is just a figure of speech. It just means that I'm going to take my own life. I got the idea for the title from the song "Bullet with a name" by Nonpoint. It's a good song.

    lifeisashedog - I like your reasoning in that last post. I wish you the best of luck with living a long life and dying of natural causes. I just don't want to live that long.

    Anyways, thanks for the replies guys. :tongue:
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