It could be from excessive sleepiness in order to escape from the "holiday" or family- joy time. I don't know why I'm typing in here-been gone many months-just had a close call last night. I had it all lined up. I contemplated doing------,but I caught myself and called my cousin. I was curious about why she came over to visit me. After 2 years time. I live about 25 minutes from my uncle's new house. Everyone on my dad's side was there for Christmas. All of my cousins. They did not invite me or my brother. See, my dad died in 2005 and I am still grieveing. I had a breakdown, cuz of death and stress. My husband filed for divorce then and he got sole custody of my son, now 4. I have not seen my son in 3 yrs. My husband has not talked to me in 2 years. I thought it better that my son is happy and healthy...but when he gets older I don't want him to think I never fought to see him. At this time, I cannot find a lawyer to take my case cuz pressently I have no funds. I have tried legal aid in the states, they are overwhelmed and do not do custody cases. I will have more $$ this year. Why should I want to die now, you ask....I feel no one wants me around. reading the posts here is a common thing (no one cares). Plus this is so feeling so insummountable that I don't know how to get my head around it anymore. Lawyers don't to help poor ppl unless you have an easy problem. Not everyone wants to fight in court. I may have to do it myself (pro se), cuz I cannot find (pro bono)free help. I just don't understand why do the ppl get killed on the streets, in wrecks, in robberies but the others, like us with mental health issues/problems we can't catch a break. Answer me that. I can't even type anymore. Please talk to me. Sometimes, a life does not seem hard to the next person, but it's HARD for us alone on Christmas and new Years. I was alone Thankgiving. and without internet. just about bonkers. Sorry for the rambling...I was not sure where to put this. love to alll who read this piece of junk.