So yesterday was Saturday and I was alone as usual. I was standing there prepared and just thinking about it for about 30 minutes. I got caught and now I feel ashamed and embarrassed and of course I had to confess to everything that is hurting me. Imagine 23 years of my life told in a painful 20 minutes. I am now being forced by my parents to get help. I wish I would have died yesterday but I really hope that this is the turning point I need in my life. I feel like I am at rock bottom, but I have said that so many times before. Death would have been so much easier, and everyone else could go on with their lives as normal. I don't know what to do now. I feel like I have hurt my parents so much, and now I have to face everything. I feel even more suicidal now because they won't leave me alone. It's like they think that I will attempt it again when they are not in the room or something which is pushing me harder. They aren't great parents, but I could see the pain in my mom's eyes as I confessed to everything. I felt horrible and I don't know why. I know that they love me because they have to, but I wish others did too. I have noone, I am so alone, and nobody will ever want me. I'm in a life that I don't want to be a part of and nobody wants me to be a part of it. I wish I could disappear.