I got caught

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by HiddenTears, Nov 22, 2009.

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  1. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    So yesterday was Saturday and I was alone as usual. I was standing there prepared and just thinking about it for about 30 minutes. I got caught and now I feel ashamed and embarrassed and of course I had to confess to everything that is hurting me. Imagine 23 years of my life told in a painful 20 minutes. I am now being forced by my parents to get help. I wish I would have died yesterday but I really hope that this is the turning point I need in my life. I feel like I am at rock bottom, but I have said that so many times before. Death would have been so much easier, and everyone else could go on with their lives as normal.

    I don't know what to do now. I feel like I have hurt my parents so much, and now I have to face everything. I feel even more suicidal now because they won't leave me alone. It's like they think that I will attempt it again when they are not in the room or something which is pushing me harder. They aren't great parents, but I could see the pain in my mom's eyes as I confessed to everything. I felt horrible and I don't know why. I know that they love me because they have to, but I wish others did too. I have noone, I am so alone, and nobody will ever want me. I'm in a life that I don't want to be a part of and nobody wants me to be a part of it. I wish I could disappear.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    :arms: wish i could do more
  3. kurenai

    kurenai Well-Known Member

    Because you're still alive, you have the chance to have a different kind of life, the life you deserve to have, a life that you want. You just have to figure out exactly what you want, and do all the little things it takes to get it. And you can do this, because you're here. And you're not alone, because there's people on SF that are really sweet, and there's also the chance to go outside and meet some more people too.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you sound like my daughter wanting us all to go on with our lives as normal. It is not going to happen how can we when our child is suffering. I am glad your parents know and now you know they do care and are getting you the support you have needed. I know now they will be overprotective as i have been but take the support they give and show them you love them by trying to work with psych doctors councillors whoever use this time to heal make that a christmas present to yourself and to your parents.
  5. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    oh Gosh...why u didnt pm me when u were preparing the biggning of that??oh god im so worry about u....at least say good bye to me :'( u didnt give me chance to help u :(

    oh please darling dont feel shame and embarrassed... we all are the same...and you ll be thanks that the cought u cos u r now not worry how to tell them....

    you are not hurting your parants...they love you..they dont wanna lose u for death...mine care more less about if I die or not...let them take care of u...please...

    its okay if you feel bad...and the next days will be that...ull get rock buttom before you get better...thats all normal...& im glad they now...im glad somebody now can help u...not everything is bad as you are thinking belive me...

    I know lonely is hurt alot...but that human nature these days :'( thats why we should fight togather...thats our deal...ok

    please pm me..ok...at least tell me if you are doing okay
    take care
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2009
  6. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    In the long run. now that your parents know, that can only be something positive - at least now you're not totally alone inside your own head anymore. And that they are forcing you to get help, that's exactly what you need. You might not feel like it now, but it really is the right thing. Please hang in there, we're on your side, we'll be there for you, until you feel better about yourself and belonging in the world. :hug:
  7. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for your kindness, I appreciate your words.

    I want a different life but I feel that I have tried so hard so many times before and nothing ever changes. It's like I am destined to continue this way. This isn't my first attempt, and for those who don't know I think about this 24/7, but it was the first time I got caught. I really don't want to do this anymore, but nothing good ever happens to me. I wish I could meet people but who would want me? I have been unwanted my whole life that never changes.

    I have too many probelms I feel like there is nothing anyone can do to help me at this point. I want to die and be forgotten because I am alive and forgotten. I don't know what to make of this yet, I hope it is for the best because I really don't want to go through this again. The only thing I want for christmas is a girl or a gun and a bullet. And I have already said I am unwanted, so what girl will ever want me?


    I'm sorry, I don't want to bother you with my problems. I know you are going through a difficult time and having me burden you with my life. It isn't good for anyone. Sending you a pm now.

    I hope things turn around. It seems like everything in the world that can go wrong in my life has gone wrong. And I wish I could say what all these things are but honestly I don't have the patience to type it all. Maybe I will start a diary sometime. I don't think I will ever feel better about myself but I wish I could. Thank you, I need all the friends I can get because I feel like the world is against me.

    Thanks again for your support everyone, I hope I can make it through this. I love you all.
  8. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug: Keep us posted about how it is going for you. A diary sounds good. I've been keeping one here. One step at a time, and we'll walk with you through it.

  9. HiddenTears

    HiddenTears Well-Known Member

    Thank you for caring. I think I will start one sometime this week maybe. It's just so much sad info I am worried that noone will read it. Like I would be doing it for nothing.
  10. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    I dont have problem...im depressed cos im lonely & have lot of free time...and plese dont feel sorry or burden me and dont say them again cos ill be sad from you...you know you are not burden on me or anybody...and i love talking to you...ok...take care
  11. brueyh1976

    brueyh1976 Well-Known Member

    I'm here and I care. You can PM me anytime. I will listen and help if I can. Just keep hanging on and take it a day at a time
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