Its been almost 2 months since she broke up with me, but it is still eating away at me. I still can't stop thinking about her even though I have had no contact with her for about a month.
Im a 31 year old man that still lives in his parents basement. I have had no driving ambition in my life. I don't really have a passion for anything. Maybe I'm just afraid of living. I've had the same job for 15 years (I'm a manager at a fastfood chain). I'm also a loner. I have friends, but I only talk to them maybe once a week. I love being alone (at least I used too), and don't need as much companionship as alot of other people I know.
For years I avoided relationships because I knew that a guy in my situation had no business being in one. That was until I met this unbelievable girl who basically had everything in common with me. We had a lot of the same personality quirks, and I found myself letting down my guard with her. I felt safe with her. I could be myself with her. She never judged me. I fell deeply in love with her. To me she was my soul mate. We became good friends for 3 years, and eventually I told her that I loved her. She felt the same way. It was an amazing time. I forgot about my life situation. I no longer thought of it in any sort negative light. I even asked her to move in with me. My intention was to live together until we could afford a place of our own (although I never told her that). She agreed to move in and seemed happy to.
Im an idiot! Instead of doing everything I could to create a future with this girl, I fell back into my comfort zone. Sure she was an introvert with no ambition also and because of that some how I had convinced myself that she would be okay with our life. To make matters worse she never communicated that she ever had a problem with our lifestyle. She only ever seemed happy and deeply in love with me. I was liviing in my own world with this beautiful girl that I loved more than anything and to me life was perfect.
Two years floated by. We never fought. We got along great. Then a few months ago' out of the blue she changed. Being the sensitive guy I am I noticed and confronted her about it. I just wanted to know what was going on with her, and help her. It turned out that she just wanted to go. I loved her so much and I cared deeply about her happiness so I gave her, her wish. That was it. No explantion from her. No closure. We talked a few times after the breakup, but it didn't make me feel better. I realized she wasn't going to give me closure. All she would say is she didn't know why she was doing it, but it seemed clear she no longer had the same feelings for me. I guess it turns out we had pretty big communication problems. I assume also that she found somebody else.
So now I'm stuck in this prison of my own making. I am so ashamed of my life right now! I had no business taking our relationship to level that I did. I still have to grow up. All I can think about is how she is probably telling all her friends about how she is glad to be rid of a loser like me. It tears me up inside. It has motivated me to change. I am desperately looking for a new job, I am going back to school. I am thinking about volunteering. I want more than anything to just move out, but I cant afford it. I am trying to be more social. I want to prove to her that she made a huge mistake by leaving. But the way my life is right now, I know she made the right choice for her future, and that idea kills me. That I deserved to lose this love. It is so depressing. I am 31 and just now motivated to get my life together. I should have done this 10 years ago. Losing the person I have shared everything with, loved so deeply, had an intense connection with and knowing that I deserved it is probably one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. I don't know if I will ever find a girl like her again...
Im a 31 year old man that still lives in his parents basement. I have had no driving ambition in my life. I don't really have a passion for anything. Maybe I'm just afraid of living. I've had the same job for 15 years (I'm a manager at a fastfood chain). I'm also a loner. I have friends, but I only talk to them maybe once a week. I love being alone (at least I used too), and don't need as much companionship as alot of other people I know.
For years I avoided relationships because I knew that a guy in my situation had no business being in one. That was until I met this unbelievable girl who basically had everything in common with me. We had a lot of the same personality quirks, and I found myself letting down my guard with her. I felt safe with her. I could be myself with her. She never judged me. I fell deeply in love with her. To me she was my soul mate. We became good friends for 3 years, and eventually I told her that I loved her. She felt the same way. It was an amazing time. I forgot about my life situation. I no longer thought of it in any sort negative light. I even asked her to move in with me. My intention was to live together until we could afford a place of our own (although I never told her that). She agreed to move in and seemed happy to.
Im an idiot! Instead of doing everything I could to create a future with this girl, I fell back into my comfort zone. Sure she was an introvert with no ambition also and because of that some how I had convinced myself that she would be okay with our life. To make matters worse she never communicated that she ever had a problem with our lifestyle. She only ever seemed happy and deeply in love with me. I was liviing in my own world with this beautiful girl that I loved more than anything and to me life was perfect.
Two years floated by. We never fought. We got along great. Then a few months ago' out of the blue she changed. Being the sensitive guy I am I noticed and confronted her about it. I just wanted to know what was going on with her, and help her. It turned out that she just wanted to go. I loved her so much and I cared deeply about her happiness so I gave her, her wish. That was it. No explantion from her. No closure. We talked a few times after the breakup, but it didn't make me feel better. I realized she wasn't going to give me closure. All she would say is she didn't know why she was doing it, but it seemed clear she no longer had the same feelings for me. I guess it turns out we had pretty big communication problems. I assume also that she found somebody else.
So now I'm stuck in this prison of my own making. I am so ashamed of my life right now! I had no business taking our relationship to level that I did. I still have to grow up. All I can think about is how she is probably telling all her friends about how she is glad to be rid of a loser like me. It tears me up inside. It has motivated me to change. I am desperately looking for a new job, I am going back to school. I am thinking about volunteering. I want more than anything to just move out, but I cant afford it. I am trying to be more social. I want to prove to her that she made a huge mistake by leaving. But the way my life is right now, I know she made the right choice for her future, and that idea kills me. That I deserved to lose this love. It is so depressing. I am 31 and just now motivated to get my life together. I should have done this 10 years ago. Losing the person I have shared everything with, loved so deeply, had an intense connection with and knowing that I deserved it is probably one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. I don't know if I will ever find a girl like her again...