I got your title right here.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rorshach, Nov 1, 2008.

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  1. Rorshach

    Rorshach New Member

    I don't know where to start. I'm recently married to a wonderful woman, who loves me very much and who i love very much. Financially i was fine before we got married and now we can barely keep our head above water. I've been overwhelmed with bank overdraft fees, an emergency vet treatment for my wife's dog, and other surprise expenses.

    I've tried looking into even picking up a second job but it's very hard since I work days and she works nights and we share a car. So my options are severely limited.

    I just feel like I'm drowning. I don't feel like i can talk about this to any of my friends. I don't have any family really at least none who think highly of me. Everybody in my family who i cared for has died, and my wife is the last person I really have. She kisses me and tells me how much she loves me, but no matter how much she reminds me, it doesnt help. I wish it would. I keep having thoughts about killing myself because I just cannot cope with life, but everytime i get those thoughts, I think of my wife and stop. Thing is I feel that as long as I'm with her my financial problems will continue for some time.

    I believe that if I die though my wife would be better off. She will never find another man who loves her as much as i do, but perhaps she can find another person who can actually cope with adult life and be a better provider. I thought about getting counseling or help, but once again...It's a luxury i can't afford when I have rent, credit card bills, medical bills, a car payment and putting food on the table to worry about.
     
  2. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    As you said...... everytime you will think about suicide, think about your wife, and stop...
    And, also, as you said...... she will never find another person that will love her so much...
    Is there something more important in life than a loving family? A wife, kids, house and bed, and ofcourse... love.
     
  3. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    The first step I'd recommend is to cut up your credit cards. They make it too easy to get into debt in a hurry. Talk with medical providers and arrange small payments. They're usually happy to work with you. Bottom line, spend less than you make. You can get out of this, and might learn some things about budget and spending in the process. Getting out of debt by paying things off is way better than escaping it by suicide. Good luck. Enjoy your new life together.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I doubt she would be better off financially were you to suicide, but the emotional cost to her would do a lifetime of damage. No amount of financial security could take your place. Keep trying to work things out and see if you can get to the bottom of why you are not financially solvent when adding your two incomes together. Check your spending habits. Something may need to be adjusted. Please take suicide off the table as an option. It is not a viable solution. :hug:
     
  5. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    What if she ends up with a man that doesn't work, drinks, and beats her? No joke, that could be the result of your action to make her "better off".

    Financial burdens may be just that, burdens, but of all the problems that bring people here it's one of the most solvable by someone in your situation. Both you and your wife are working. That's means you have a reasonable income. It's your spending that needs to be controlled. And that's the important part, you control it.

    Credit cards.- Stop using them! Why are you buying things, sometimes things you don't need, and then paying interest? Don't cut up the cards like some people say to do. Just don't use them for a while. You'll want to keep them in the long run to build good credit. But for now dont' use them and pay them off as fast as you can to save on the interest.

    Food.- Many people are loyal to brand names. Problem is they're often almost twice as much as other things that are the same. Shop around. Look for sales. Stock up on the cheap stuff. Food is a major part of our monthy budget and a place where we can save.

    Entertainment- Going out and having a few drinks often adds up to so much more than people think it does. If money is tight why drink at all? Movies and eating out instead of staying in also adds up fast. Stay in and dance with your lady in the living room. That's all I would need to have fun.

    Don't buy things you don't need, no matter how cheap they seem. That may seem like the most obvious advice but I'm amazed how many people don't do it and waste their money constantly. Myself included. It was just last year I decided to be careful with my spending. I was amazed at how much money I had saved. Thousands of dollars in one year. I was able to pay cash for a new car and now I'm looking into buying a house right at this moment.

    Life may seem tough right now but it's clearly a temporary situation.If you love your wife as much as you say you do than you need to be the strong one. Would you do anything for her? I've met someone I would do anything for. She's inspiring me to do more, work harder, think of the future. All those things. It may seem hard but you can do it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 2, 2008
  6. wunderwood

    wunderwood Well-Known Member

    i'm in love with a man I hope to marry. Even if things get really bad, I would be absolutely devasted if he took his life. I would want to be there for him and help him get throught it.

    She wouldn't be better off without you, that much i can promise.

    Stay safe.
     
  7. Rorshach

    Rorshach New Member

    Well the credit cards are not my debt, i led a rather simple financial life before getting married. It's kind of the debt i chose to inherit upon marrying her.

    I appreciate the encouraging words and such. Thanks
     
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Ror,I think what this is here is a typical case of you thinking you've failed in some sort of way meaning providing for you and your wife.I'll go into it more down the year's I've spent so much money on stupid thing's,lent alot of money to people never got it back,bought people gift's you name it.I blamed myself alot and can say I still do thinking I'm the only clown who does this.

    But when I hear actual storie's of people who have done similar thing's,have huge bill's speak like they're screwed senseless it make's me feel some what better.I'm just trying to say it's not your fault you do like I do you place alot of blame on yourself but you don't mean to do it.I know all this crap talk sound's like shit,and hearing other people's misfortune's shouldn't make you feel excited but at least even a tiny bit more at ease.

    Can I ask how exactly do you feel each day,when you awake,what do you think,are you seeing anyone,do you take med's,have you had Therapy?Excuse me for the question's i think we can get somewhere here well even a little bit.
     
  9. TheWr0ngChild

    TheWr0ngChild Well-Known Member

    Like everyone else says, get rid of the credit cards. Wether they are the main issue or not, just get a pair of scissors and cut them up. Pay off any outstanding monies as best you can and never use credit again.

    I can't see what difference marrying someone would make to your financial life unless you have a child, which you don't mention.

    I like what Ken says here, he offers you some practical solutiuons. Only you can decide to implement them into your life.

    I'm used to living on a restricted budget, and it IS doable. Food is the area most people panic about, but there really is no need to, like Ken said again, you don't have to buy the top brand items. Most "budget" brands are exactly the same as the top ones, only in a different tin or jar or whatever. For example coffee, I actualy PREFER the store's own brand to the top one! Allocate yourself a food budget which is reasonable enough to feed both of you without breaking the bank.

    I don't know where your from, I'm assuming it's the USA so I can't really give you and direct hints on the types of food to buy or stores to go to etc. All I can say is look at your expenses one by one. Decide the ones you can pay, the ones you have to (food, water, heating, tax etc) and the ones you really can't pay at the moment. You will find that in the currant economical climate, a lot of creditors (specialy hospitals and vets) are prepaired to allow you to make payments you can afford but you will have to do a lot of bartering with them. Be calm too, getting in a state with these people won't help. Offer them reasonable, affordable ammounts and work from there.

    Work out how much you spend on luxuries each week too. We all have different ideas of what a luxury is, I would say trips to the movies, nights out, drinks in bars etc were luxuries. I'm not saying have no fun, we all need to sometimes, all I'm saying is plan one luxury a month, it might be a movie, a few drinks out, a meal out etc. Put a pot on a shelf somewhere and collect loose coins in it to pay for your monthly treat.

    Most of all though, the best things you have are 100% free. You have a wife who obviously loves you, and you must work together to solve these problems. If you leave now and die, she'll not find anyone else who loves her like you do, nobody can. Only you can love her as much as you do. Anyone else she met would never compare and she probably would not be able to enter another relationship for that very reason.
     
  10. mariemarie

    mariemarie New Member

    I can understand your feeling of drowning in debt. I actually AM married to the kind of non-supporting, abusive, controlling jerk that your dear wife could end up with if you were to take your life.

    I never had any debt and had significant savings when I married this person. I was very young and very naive. But this isn't about me, it's about you.

    So, you never had debt before you married and now you do. What happened? You didn't explain. Did your wife have a lot of debt? OF course, cut expenses, whatever. But you are feeling BAD - like killing yourself from despair and hopelessness. Did you feel this way ever before you married? I feel every day like I wish I wouldn't wake up. My life is such a nightmare right now. But, like you think of your wife, I think of my three children. If I end my life, they will end up with their father. I separated from him 4 years ago. They do not want to see him and they do not have to spend time with him. I am too ill to work and he does not support us in any way. If I were to do something legal, he has threatened me with terrible things so I just tolerate this to protect the children from having to spend time with him. We have no legal agreement. It's a terrible situation. Sorry. I started talking about me again.

    First, why do you want to kill yourself? What is making your life so bad? Lots of people have debt. LOTS of people have debt, man. The credit card companies have strong lobbies in gov't and have all sorts of protection that hurts the consumers while they reap huge profits. Before you even think of killing yourself, get a couple of books on debt. One good one is "Talk Your Way Out Of Credit Card Debt". Another with a very encouraging message and some help is "What the CC Companies Don't Want you to Know" by the Kevin Trudall (sp) guy who is sort of a jerk but hey, he's got some good info. Get them cheaper at abebooks or amazon, not from a bookstore.

    Money problems can end. You can declare bankruptcy, you can do a lot of things. Screw what anyone thinks of you. It's your LIFE. Don't end your life because of money problems. You could be causing the future suicide of your wife. Many people whose loved ones commit suicide choose that option for themselves. We may be in deep despair, but we need to remember that we are loved. And that our suicide will never be understood by the people who love us. Just go look at a support forum for people who have lost loved ones to suicide. The people there are in deep grief.

    Also, I don't know what you think of the after life - I'm not a Christian but I believe in God, the Divine Consciousness, whatever you want to call it. I believe that you don't get to just walk away from your problems when you suicide. You have to answer for it. If you read Monroe's "Ultimate Journey" he talks about running into people who have committed suicide. They are dead but in deep despair STILL. That may seem really weird to you, but right before I was diagnosed with the disease that is killing me, I started having out of body experiences while I was sleeping. I thought I was dying and was frightened. I did what I usually do - read everything I could on the subject, and found Monroe's books. He described exactly what I was experiencing. Also, perhaps you have to relive all of the same stuff to make the right choices next time. That is one of the things that keeps me from killing myself - I do not want to come back and go through this again.

    So, please - find help. There are answers. Suicide isn't one.

    N.B.: If you do go to a credit counseling service - be very careful. FInd one that is reputable. Most are scams that steal your money and leave you in deeper trouble. Trust your instincts. You can cope.

    Just remember what Winnie said in WWII: Never, Never, Never Give Up.

    It's funny, isn't it? I'm here because I'm suicidal but I'm trying to talk someone into NOT taking that option. Why don't I listen to myself?

    holding you in the light,
    marie
     
  11. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree with you finding a reliable Credit Counseling bureau to help manage your debt. Check them out with the better buisness bureau before you seek there help. You have to give them your life history for them to help. In some cases they can get some of your debts cut in half. Give it a try! But be very selective who you go with!!!Take Care!~Joseph~
     
  12. mariemarie

    mariemarie New Member

    Joseph is so right about being careful. Like he said, the reputable ones can really reduce your debt. Just because one says it is "nonprofit' does NOT mean it's okay. If you go to about.com and look up credit card debt/credit counseling services there are some great articles and discussions about these agencies. The ones that promise you the world, your debt gone, easy small payments, etc are the ones that are going to make you wish you had never contacted them. But, it's TOO LATE because you signed a contract. Don't sign anything without an attorney - yeah, you can't not afford one in this mess - looking over your contract. Be careful. Many people are in a lot worse shape after being taken by these vultures. How do they live with themselves?

    Good luck. I hope that you see that there is hope.
     
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