I guess I can put this here....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ThoseEmptyWalls, Feb 25, 2009.

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  1. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I feel like my body is trying to tell me something. I keep gaining weight (despite my 15 pound loss and back up only to go a few pounds back down, Im still just right under 280 pounds). I had some abnormal bleeding weeks before my period and they have been coming earlier and earlier in the month (also lasting longer). The painful stumock cramps, gas, vomitting are returning..Im feeling very tired but unable to sleep until early morning and then sleeping until around 10 am.. My legs cramp, my hip hurts, my back aches, I have a constant headache thats lasted for months (yes really).. Im trying to be optomistic that things will improve after my hearing next month but Im not managing to keep looking on the up and up...Im dreading therapy sessions and Id ruther be in the ER then have to see the pdoc.. I wonder if my body is trying to tell me something..Im so unnerved most all the time..Little things make me angry..I cant stand my son slurping with his straw, the dogs barking, my husband burping, ect.. I dont feel depressed..I feel hopeless..I wonder if I have had enough..If my body is giving out..Sometimes I feel like Im going to die soon (not at my own hand either)..I just feel like Im nearing the end of my life..Which is bittersweet..I want to be free of the pain of living but its not okay to die like this. I have never had any real happiness..Everything I love, everything that makes me happy, is took away or the happiness stripped out of the event... Okay I guess I was just ranting..Things are getting hard..Had to borrow money for another car, electric went up, tv/phone package went up in price too, gas went up again, stamps are going up soon too...My sons outgrew his clothes and I cant afford to buy him any that fit..My clothes are practically falling apart or I have outgrew them too... I dont know if I can make it thru this.. Oh and our food money got cut..We are basically struggling..I feel like garbage..I need thru in the trash bin and left to die..Im not worth anything..Those who can help wont, those who want to cant, and the higher being (god if you will) has turned his back... Okay, I dont mean to sound awful but its what Im feeling..Im a human, Im entitled to my own damn feelings..If I want to be angry - I will..If I want to be sad - I will..If I feel like I need to feel like Im in hell because nothing is going even halfway right then damnit I will feel like that.....
     
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i'm so sorry for how you're feeling. ..if you want to talk, you can pm me . .. it sounds so overwhelming, all of life's '''details'' but i hope you can just be strong and continue to come here for support. it means a lot - if you have people to talk to. . . . i care about you - :hug:
     
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