After looking through the different sub forums, I figured I'd start with my most present, immediate feelings first. I think about suicide a lot. Especially lately. I suppose its cliché to be depressed on Christmas. I dunno. I feel like if something happened to me, people would be over it pretty quick. My wife and I are drifting apart. I broke my leg pretty badly in a shop accident recently. Which has given me access to pain meds. I've been on some kind of pain med for the past 8-ish years and I'm sure that's lead to addiction to them. I know I've made my wife's life worse. I've failed spectacularly at my dream of having my own business. It's all so self defeating. All these issues feed into each other. So currently, after an abysmal Christmas, laying here with a cast on past my knee and thinking about all of it, I feel like I can see it now. I can see an end. I cry all the time. I'm not sure a 33 year old welder is supposed to cry in solitude. I do. After breaking my leg I see how easy it would be to have an accident. Everyone gets out free and clear. I hope this is how this works. I really don't need a fail in the suicide help forum on top of everything else.