why did all of this happen to me? its becoming way too much to handle. but good news is: I may be able to start going to therapy every other week. that will probably help a lot. my ex that raped me messaged me today and said he was going to come to my house, i freaked out, called all my guy friends, they were going to come down to my house to protect me...but then i ended up telling them not to come and that if he did show up i would just call the cops. but its nice that i have that sort of support. he ended up not coming to my house, but it triggered my anxiety and i had a panic attack, which then got me thinking too much and I had a flash back of when my dad sexually abused me, and i had a complete mental breakdown. the memories of my dad are still fairly new and ive suppressed it all so long that it just exploded tonight.. something ironic, though, ive become good friends with my ex's most recent ex. i met her through some weird coincidence and we ended up talking and shes really cool. he never raped her, but he was still really emotionally abusive to her. so its kinda like i have someone that understands what it was like to be with him. I always feel so so so much better after i have a mental breakdown..and that one i had building up for the past month or so. its a weird feeling, during that breakdown i felt I couldnt handle anything, I just wanted to crawl into a corner and die. and now I feel like i can take on the world. I really have been feeling very, alone, recently though. I don't know anyone else in person that has been abused, and, i just really wish i knew someone that understood me. I guess this forum is as close as i'm gonna get, huh? but actually, i'm really thankful this forum even exists. I think it might have saved my life. thank you guys, for being here.