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I had a good job but I am now is huge debt...

Discussion in 'Work and Financial Problems' started by Jonathan1066, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. Jonathan1066

    Jonathan1066 Member

    I had a great job earning good money and I was happy. The truth is I have always had debt but it was manageable. I lost my job in Finance four weeks ago pending an investigation (I am just suspended at the moment) but very likely to lose my job. I did nothing illegal however I was trying to help some clients with my own money, which is against the rules.

    It does get worse, I owe two close friends £175,000 between them, I have credit card debts of over £60,000. I also managed my grandfathers money when he was in a care home but it ran out and I was supporting him which put me into all the debt. I was to embarrassed to tell my family and they think there is £45,000 of inheritance. So I have lied..... I feel ridden with guilt and I want to take my life, I have been thinking about it for over a month now.

    I am not a bad person and have never hurt anyone, I have managed to get myself into a complete mess. Nobody expects this of me and I have always helped people, to the stage where I have put my own health at risk and it has become self destructive. I have a wonderful fiance who I am due to marry this summer and can now not afford the wedding. I have great family and friends however I feel I have let them all down as they put all of their trust in me. I am at the lowest point of my life and I cannot see a way out. The shame that this has brought on me is horrific. I stood on the edge of my balcony last night and the only thing that stopped me was the look on my fiance's face as she slept, it would ruin peoples lives but I cant face the shame of what I have done, I have been semi honest with my situation with people but I cant give the full truth as its so much shame. The Dr prescribed me Valium which helped but I find drinking the only way to get me to sleep. I am determined suicide is the only answer, I have finished my suicide note and outlined all my failures.
     
  2. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Hi Jonathan 1066, I can understand why your situation feels overwhelming but you need to talk to someone. You seem to have a caring family, especially your fiancé. Have you tried talking to them openly and honestly. We all make mistakes and it seems as if yiu are where yiu through bad luck rather than intent. I’m not sure where you live but in the UK Citizens Advice will help enormously with debt management, as will the debt management agencies. There will be others on this site who will be able to give you better advice but I am always here to listen. Stay strong and safe please xx
     
  3. Jonathan1066

    Jonathan1066 Member

    I really appreciate this Winter Blues, you are right it is so overwhelming and I just cant find a way out. I paid my clients out of my own bank account because I wanted to help people when I couldnt afford to do so myself. I live in the UK and will call them, its all my fault and there has been a bit of bad luck but some terrible decision making on my part, trying to help other people has completely ruined me. I know taking my life would hurt people around me and I may be called selfish but I cant face the facts of the mess I have got myself into
     
  4. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Speak to Citizens Advice first .. they are free albeit you may have to wait in a queue! Please stay strong. We have all made mistakes and sadly mistakes have a way of snowballing. But you can do this - you are a special person whose simply fucked up thro wanting to help others ... please please don’t be hard on yourself and give those around you who love you a chance to listen and understand. Keep talking here .. sending you a huge hug xx
     
    Lara_C likes this.
  5. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    As @Winter Blues said, please try to be kinder to yourself and give those around you a chance to listen and understand. They might be disappointed, but I'm sure they'd be horrified to know you are thinking of suicide. Talking everything over with an experienced counselor might help you to cope with the panicky feelings and face explaining to people what happened. The organisation CALM is dedicated to preventing male suicide in the UK and you can talk to them by calling their helpline, or by webchat if you prefer (link in my signature).

    I think you should go back to your doctor to explain that the valium isn't helping much, but if you feel you are on the verge of making an attempt, please go to A&E, or call NHS24 or 999 for help to keep you safe until the crisis passes and a medication regime which gives you relief can be worked out.
     
    Freya and Winter Blues like this.
  6. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    Another link which may be useful is the government's money advice service where you can discuss your situation by phone or with online advisors. https://www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en

    I think there is a scheme whereby 80% of your debts can be written off, but you would need specialist advice.
     
    Winter Blues likes this.
  7. Jonathan1066

    Jonathan1066 Member

    Thank you all for your help. Its the first time I have been completely honest, its been haunting me for years. I had never had suicidal thoughts before however my world just collapsed around me.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire and Lara_C like this.
  8. Lara_C

    Lara_C SF Supporter

    I urge you to make your health the priority right now and keep in close contact with your doctor. It sounds like you have become burned out and are badly in need of a rest. The financial issue can wait until you have recovered enough to deal with it, and with the right advice and support, I'm hoping it becomes more manageable than it seems at present.
     
    Winter Blues likes this.
  9. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    I agree with Lara, stay strong, speak to your doctor and keep posting on here to update us. Look after yourself, it is a big step posting on here. You now have an enormous SF family beside you xxx
     
    Lara_C likes this.
  10. Jonathan1066

    Jonathan1066 Member

    I am now at complete rock bottom. I really can not see any route out, I am trying to think of happier times but I don’t think I can ever get back to it. Literally the only thing stopping me is my family and fiancé who I know would be devastated. I just don’t know how I got here. I am sorry
     
  11. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    You don’t need to apologise Jonathan, especially not on here. You just got yourself in a mess - ok maybe a big mess - but nothing is insurmountable if you push hard enough. Have you tried the link @Lara-C sent you. I know of people who have had a huge amount of debt written off - it’s got to be worth ago. As is a meeting with Citizens Advice .. they will help you see things more clearly. Have you tried a counsellor .. I know private can be expensive but our doctors have their own counsellor, so yours may too. Concentrate on your love for your fiancée and the future yiu want with her then set yourself to work hard to get there. You can do this Jonathan - I truly believe you can. Xx
     
  12. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    Can you imagine if someone you loved killed themselves over money? How terrible that would feel? How you lost them over something so shitty and stupid? You would think about how you would rather have them and their pile of massive debt and how you could've worked out anything for them if only you could have them back. If this were your brother or your fiance or your mother. Think about it. I'm serious. Now apply that to yourself. Yeah, it's embarrassing. Big deal. get it together and tell your family what has happened. They would rather have YOU than what you propose here.
     
  13. gypsylee

    gypsylee SF Supporter

    Shame is just the worst thing.. It’s like this festering version of embarrassment sitting in the dark. I agree totally with @walkerbait95 - get it out in the open. Posting here is a good start :)
     
    Jasonpi likes this.
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    how are you feeling @Jonathan1066

    Sometimes facing the music is the hardest thing, once the people around you know that burden will be uplifted as sometimes the family/friends have a solution to reduce the debt you did not think about as peoples perspective and input. like postponing the wedding to focus on getting you in a healthy place moneywise.

    Take Care
     
    Jasonpi likes this.
  15. Lady Wolfshead

    Lady Wolfshead Trying to re-dream my dreams

    How are you doing?
     
  16. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Hi lovely, how’s things - please post xx
     
  17. Jonathan1066

    Jonathan1066 Member

    I am sorry, I did lose my job in the end I am now in pieces. I have nothing left.. I have let everyone down and I can’t face the music. Thank you for your support but I really cannot see a way through this at all
     
  18. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Sorry that this moment of being human helping some in a tough spot resulted in a job loss. Keep your head high. I have dealt with both parents losing their, my childhood homes within 3 months of each other to foreclosure. @Jonathan1066


    Not sure how UK works in bankruptcy but keep looking for a different job in same area or move into a different postition and explain once the interviewers ask you what happened. Own up to it that it will never happen again.

    Keep looking and do not give in.

    Be Safe
     
  19. alixer

    alixer SF Supporter

    I also have a good paying job but managed to get myself in a mountain of debt. It was mostly medical but not all. Thankfully I found a debt management service that negotiated a repayment plan with all my creditors without having to declare bankruptcy. Now just focused on paying my installments. I think I do need to find a better paying job if I want to have any disposable income.
     
  20. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    My mother got a bankruptcy lawyer a little while ago. That has helped her a little and she is still able to make money. I don't know what bankruptcy is called in the UK, but maybe you can look into it? In the US, we have something called SSI and that is what I am on. I am quite poor and never had a job. Maybe your local government agency can help you with funds. Over here we also have the Department of Health and Human Services which provides food and free health insurance called Medicaid. There are also many agencies besides the government that can help you pay your current bills. I had open heart surgery when I was one and I imagine death hurts a lot. I mean I don't like physical pain at all and imagine how death would feel. You don't have to think about others, just think about how much pain it would cause you while you are dying first of all. I even hate getting shots. Once I got a shot when I was about nine and I fell and hit my head on the wall because the pain made me nauseous. You don't even have to tell anyone you can't help them anymore, just go help yourself first. Safety is the first priority.