I had a great job earning good money and I was happy. The truth is I have always had debt but it was manageable. I lost my job in Finance four weeks ago pending an investigation (I am just suspended at the moment) but very likely to lose my job. I did nothing illegal however I was trying to help some clients with my own money, which is against the rules. It does get worse, I owe two close friends £175,000 between them, I have credit card debts of over £60,000. I also managed my grandfathers money when he was in a care home but it ran out and I was supporting him which put me into all the debt. I was to embarrassed to tell my family and they think there is £45,000 of inheritance. So I have lied..... I feel ridden with guilt and I want to take my life, I have been thinking about it for over a month now. I am not a bad person and have never hurt anyone, I have managed to get myself into a complete mess. Nobody expects this of me and I have always helped people, to the stage where I have put my own health at risk and it has become self destructive. I have a wonderful fiance who I am due to marry this summer and can now not afford the wedding. I have great family and friends however I feel I have let them all down as they put all of their trust in me. I am at the lowest point of my life and I cannot see a way out. The shame that this has brought on me is horrific. I stood on the edge of my balcony last night and the only thing that stopped me was the look on my fiance's face as she slept, it would ruin peoples lives but I cant face the shame of what I have done, I have been semi honest with my situation with people but I cant give the full truth as its so much shame. The Dr prescribed me Valium which helped but I find drinking the only way to get me to sleep. I am determined suicide is the only answer, I have finished my suicide note and outlined all my failures.