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I had a lover's quarrel with the world

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by betterweather, Jan 6, 2012.

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  1. betterweather

    betterweather New Member

    Hi. My name is Kim and I'm 22 years old.

    I love alot of things about life.
    I like to be silly, blow bubbles, go for walks.
    I like the entire tactile experience of drinking coffee.
    I like taking naps.
    I have lots of friends who except me for the eccentric person I am.
    I have a great support system.
    I live a thousand miles away from the parents who abused me.
    I am in college and have been very successful.
    I am grateful for at least 3 things every day.
    I do yoga.
    I run.
    I see a counselor.
    I am taking meds for my depression.

    I have never felt like I belonged.
    I still think longingly about dying.

    That's why I'm here.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF,, you got some things going for you... Value them. Tc jim
  3. betterweather

    betterweather New Member

    But I do value them. That's my point. You're not supposed to want to die when you spend being thankful for the good things and people and events in your life. That's supposed to make it matter, right? It's not that I don't have reasons to be sad and frustrated and angry. But I feel like I've tried to do everything I can to be a healthy person, and I still want to die.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums, betterweather. I hope you find the help you seek. :]
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Kim,

    To begin with, I don't understand the complex way we think....by the way, I am sometimes very depressed too.....but from what I have noticed, depression is a battle for some and can require lengthy treatment in healing. I don't know what all is behind depression and how it manifests itself....although it seems to have a chance of affecting those that we would least expect it to, which I find frightening and confusing. Maybe we both share this perspective. Either way, I applaud you for reaching out both here and in real life....so glad to have you in our community. As time goes on, I hold out hope that you will gain more and more understanding about why you feel the way you do. Best of luck with everything, and welcome to the forums! :hug:

    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2012
  6. diazepam69

    diazepam69 New Member

    After reading your comments I think your depression is purely chemical. A chemical imbalance in the brain. Like another subscriber pointed out, you've got a lot going for you. Unlike many of us, our longing for death stems from a psychological "imbalance" or "abnormality", which can be dealt with through counselling and psychotherapy. I urge you to seek help from a psychiatrist. humble opinion from a 10 yr depression sufferer.
  7. betterweather

    betterweather New Member

    Thanks for the support everyone! I agree this depression thing is just so confusing. I like to call it my existential crisis. I had my first existential crisis when I was 7. I am seeking help from a psychiatrist and am currently taking meds for bipolar disorder, though I haven't been officially diagnosed. I can't tell if the meds are helping yet or not, but I've only been on the full dose for a month. Maybe I just need to be patient...

    I really appreciate that there's a place where we can all just talk about this stuff. Thanks again :)
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