how am I feeling? do you really want to know? well mostly decieved. when I was 18 people(shrinks and therapists) told me I was better, now here I am again, worse off than before. I feel emptier than ever. I can honestly the only glimps of feeling I have is toward my daughter. other than that I am empty and hopeless. why should I have hope, I've had to fight this evil fight once before. I have nothing left to fight with this time. why do some people have it so easy and other people end up like me, jobless, broke, hopeless, empty, and suicidal. I have no one to turn to, no one to confide in. everyone that knows me, knows my history and will take drastic action if they know what's going on in my head. I refuse to spend another day, week, or month, in a mental hospital. those places only make you realise how fucked up you are. I feel like every breath I take is harder and harder like perhaps my body will finally give in and stop breathing. I have no more to offer this cruel world. I have only one thread left, as I have said before, my daughter. fuck! why do I have to deal with this? the messed up thing is my hisband has no idea how bad I am. he has no idea that I'm going to kill myself. he knew me when I've attempted to commit suicide before, so I haven't given him any clues. he would overreact. I have knowone!!!!!
i had hope once too
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I don't know how your husband can possibly overreact to the possibility of you killing yourself... I think it warrants a big reaction. But I hear the weariness and despair in your post and I honestly don't know what to say, except please stay around and give us a chance to get to know you. We've all been there to a greater or lesser extent, and probably recognise many of the feelings you've described. There is hope... I felt much the same as you until only a few weeks ago, but am on the bottom slopes of the uphill battle to getting better... it can be done!
I don't know how your husband can possibly overreact to the possibility of you killing yourself... I think it warrants a big reaction. But I hear the weariness and despair in your post and I honestly don't know what to say, except please stay around and give us a chance to get to know you. We've all been there to a greater or lesser extent, and probably recognise many of the feelings you've described. There is hope... I felt much the same as you until only a few weeks ago, but am on the bottom slopes of the uphill battle to getting better... it can be done!
:grouphug:
I know exactly what you are saying. I to stay for my daughter, And my husband also has no clue how I feel even though I have flat out told him I will kill myself and all he can do is cry and it doesn’t change anything. All I can say is I take this one day at a time. I look at each day as a day to spend with my daughter and to watch her grow. She’s at the age to where she can just leave at anytime. I hope you will talk to us and let us help you get thru this. PM me if you want to talk. I’m always here
Jill
Jill
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