how am I feeling? do you really want to know? well mostly decieved. when I was 18 people(shrinks and therapists) told me I was better, now here I am again, worse off than before. I feel emptier than ever. I can honestly the only glimps of feeling I have is toward my daughter. other than that I am empty and hopeless. why should I have hope, I've had to fight this evil fight once before. I have nothing left to fight with this time. why do some people have it so easy and other people end up like me, jobless, broke, hopeless, empty, and suicidal. I have no one to turn to, no one to confide in. everyone that knows me, knows my history and will take drastic action if they know what's going on in my head. I refuse to spend another day, week, or month, in a mental hospital. those places only make you realise how fucked up you are. I feel like every breath I take is harder and harder like perhaps my body will finally give in and stop breathing. I have no more to offer this cruel world. I have only one thread left, as I have said before, my daughter. fuck! why do I have to deal with this? the messed up thing is my hisband has no idea how bad I am. he has no idea that I'm going to kill myself. he knew me when I've attempted to commit suicide before, so I haven't given him any clues. he would overreact. I have knowone!!!!!