I had Initially planned my suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blackbird33, Feb 3, 2012.

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  1. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    back before the holidays and I promised myself I wouldn't go through with it because I thought it would be too hard on my family. Than time started passing and I stopped thinking about killing myself for a few weeks. But now I'm just not battling my emotional and physical problems I don't know if I can handle anymore issues. I'm just not strong enough to battle these demons and if another shoe drops it'll be end because I'm just not strong enough to fight this constant battle.
     
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Tell us about your demons Blackbird33?
    Well done for making that promise, I hope you can hold yourself to it.
     
  3. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I've have mine planned, I just got to find the right time. I feel like it's getting closer to the moment everyday. I'm not sure how I want to do it exactly.
     
  4. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I feel myself going down the same physical road of illness and I don't know if I with this misery again. It's taking everything I have not to go home to end it all.
     
  5. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I am sorry. What illness may I ask?
     
  6. suiprev

    suiprev Member

    Cory,
    Hi My name is Kevin and for the past four years, I'v been a volunteer on a crisis line. I would like to know if you've finished writing your suicide letter? If yes, How many did u write? 800/ 273-8255 this is the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Kevin
     
  7. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I've written 13 pages so far. lol
     
  8. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Wow, that's dedication lol. I wouldn't have enough energy to write that many.
     
  9. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I'm thinking about just rushing it and finish it. It's starting to seem like a dumb idea. lol
     
  10. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It's not dumb, at least it gives you a way to keep occupied. That's something I should do.
     
  11. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I found out today that cutting yourself doesn't help. :( It didn't help me. I'm officially an emo stereotype, I dress like it and have the right attitude, all that was left was to cut myself. Lol. Then I put the knife up to my throat and I thought, "I can end it right now, it'll all be over." But then I just took it away from my neck and set it down. I felt insane after it happened. Lol. It was odd. I was nervous but I wasn't scared. Knowing that I was that close to doing it made me realize I really can. It's just all about timing.
     
  12. sollepus

    sollepus Member

    Consider journaling. It really does help. I've written several different suicide notes and oddly enough, it kept me occupied enough not to do anything.

    After my last attempt, I spent 3 weeks in outpatient therapy. It didn't instantly make me better, but it helped. And though I'm not in the best of places right now, I'm fighting.

    So, blakbird and cc1990, try reaching out. Try getting help. This site gave me the courage to do so, and I am the better for it. I realize now that my life impacts so many more people than I ever would have guessed, which is why I am still fighting. Lastly cc, don't cut please; I wish I had never made the first one. It puts you down this nasty spiral and can get more than a bit obsessive.

    Best of luck!
     
  13. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    So far I haven't told anyone about my suicidal thoughts and I started therapy but even there I'm reluctant to admit my true feelings. Part of me is ashamed at how far I've fallen and I don't know if I can handle being in a mental hospital.
     
  14. ejh

    ejh Member

    Hi, im new to the site, i think about killing myself all the time, is there anyway of getting through this, i cant talk to my friends and family?
     
  15. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That is why we are here...to have people to talk to and to help each other find a way to be in the world, and get the care we need...many times, talking here can serve as a rehearsal to be able to express ourselves IRL.
     
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