I had nowhere else to turn

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Marie33, Aug 28, 2011.

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  1. Marie33

    Marie33 Member

    Rarely throughout my life have ever considered suicide or really felt deeply depressed. But due to a very difficult relationship everyday is becoming a struggle for me. Because this relationship only helped reinforced many of the things that felt inside but always pushed aside which were that I'm not someone that will end up with a happy ending, with a family, or a partner that loves me. Right now most of my friends are getting married, having children, and I'm struggling to even date. I don't want to grow old only to end up dying alone.

    The only thing that keeps me going is is my family they know something is wrong with me just not what but I know they would devastated if I killed myself. I'm too ashamed to tell my family that I am feeling this way.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2011
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    H Marie i am so glad you are reaching out here hun You sound so sad. I do hope you can talk to your family okay get them to take you to the doctors get on some medication to help decrease that sadness a bit Your family would want you to get all the help there is out there hun to feel better. who knows what the future will bring hun you cannot know if that someone may show up tomorrow even that will bring you the joy you are looking for hugs
  3. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    We enter alone and i guess we die alone too.
    There is a difference between lonliness and being alone too i guess, but thats only if we choose to view it like that.
    For almost all of my adult life i have felt that by being alone, without someone or a partner even was the reason for my depression at times.
    But it wasn't really, more that i wasn't happy with myself.
    I have learnt a few things including it is better to be in one's own company, than be with someone who doesn't love me the same or I them.
    Looking inside ain't pretty sometimes, i have cringed over my behaviour at times and i have felt great pain from others actions towards me.
    But beauty comes from within, when we let that shine out, thats when the kind of people we really like, come and bask under its glow.
    Like yourself, see the past for what it is............the past.
    Be you and as kind as possible.
    Love is random, kinda like hide and seek i think.
    When you seek it, it often hides.
    When you hide from it, it often seeks you out.
    Hope it works out for you Marie.
  4. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    Don't compare yourself to your friends. We are all different and we all achieve things at different times.

    At the age of 16/17 my friends were having kids, however that wasn't something I wanted, and I gave it time and I found my guy and we will have kids but much later on in life.

    Don't think you will die alone because we all find someone, I know it's a hard struggle to tell yourself this, but it is true. And I feel the same way about my family, and I will never tell them.

    Feel free to PM me for a chat/rant. Take care :hug: xx
  5. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    I can relate.. I'm 32 and single. Most of my friends have partners if not married with children etc. I find it hard to not compare myself to them although i know logically i shouldn't.. the niggling fear in the back of my mind is that I'll always be alone, will never find anyone who could love me. But maybe we both need to live our lives for us, believe in our own self worth and believe that we are worth someone's love. Easier said than done i know but here's hoping we both can truly believe these things :)

    Keep on keeping on
  6. Marie33

    Marie33 Member

    See for the longest I told myself that I really enjoyed my own company and that no relationship was going to determine my happiness. But falling in love and than being told that they don't love you the same broke something inside me. It made me realize that outside of my family I won't experience love.
  7. Marie33

    Marie33 Member

    I've tried that I'm about to be 30 and I essentially spent most of my 20s experiencing things and not really being tied down. But now I see it as cover to hide my loneliness.
  8. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Use your own love glue to stick together that broken heart ONLY then, can anothers love tend those scars.
    I'm a work in progress on this and as Jenny says............keep on keeping on.

    Edit............. I am 42.
  9. Marie33

    Marie33 Member

    I'm really trying but this past weekend all I could think about was hurting myself
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