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I had this deep conversation with mom.

#1
(first of all, sorry if this is the wrong side of the forums to post this thread, but let me elaborate)

Yesterday i talked to my mom. She's been feeling ill for a long time now, mostly phisically, and she always blamed it on her age (she's 69), she takes her medication but apparently it wasn't working that good lately. So my sister took her to a psycologist (thanatologist-something) to talk to and hear what she has in her mind as well.

I've never talked to her about my suicidal thoughts and intermitent depression ever, so it was quite unsettling.

During this conversation she told me that she's also feeling down on her mood and life in general: she's the type of person who always cared for others besides herself (and before herself even), she's been dealing with a lot of stress, loneliness and on top of had she was carrying on her back the problems and struggles of other people around her.
Many of the things she told me resonated within me, since they are things i usually think of as well when im feeling down: "i reached this age and look back and think: so? now what? what have i done with my life? what did i achieve? what would have happened if...? did i accomplish everything i dreamed of?" "i feel like i have no one to talk to about how i feel" " i feel lonely" "sometimes i just wanna scream and run outside because i cant bear it anymore" "i still bear many scars from my past which still hurt" " i cant cope with feeling lonely" "do people around me really need me?" "everyday i wake up tired and feel that way throughout the entire day until i go to bed again"...

Of course our family has always been there for each other, but mom rarely speaks her mind when it comes to her mood or feelings cause she doesnt want us to be worried about her, so she was basically keeping all this to herself until her therapy from yesterday. She says it really helped her realize many things, and put them into perspective about her life and what she's gonna do from now on: think and care more about herself, ignoring struggles that are not hers and basically being a little selfish for once on her whole life.

It also made me put things into perspective cause she told me she needs me: to her im the person who's always there supporting and helping her, we like similar things and think in a similar way most of the time so that makes her feel accompanied and cared about. She likes me been around and spending time with hern. Whenever i had suicidal thoughts she's the first person that came to my mind and stopped me from doing anything, because i know she really needs me and now, more than ever. :(
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
i can tell you that age and illness does cause some depression. do what you can to make her health better, even a little health improvent makes a difference...mike...*hug*shake
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#3
Sad to hear about your mom. I can see much of myself in the comments you have put up: "i reached this age and look back and think: so? now what? what have i done with my life? what did i achieve?...." Because I feel the same about my life. Wishing best for you, her and your family.
 

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