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I had to come here to hate me.TRIGGERING

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Haditwiththis, Feb 15, 2013.

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  1. Haditwiththis

    Haditwiththis New Member

    i came here cause i'm so damn angry at me! I've been suicidal for two days after I made a big mistake and cut the crap out of my left wrist by accident.

    Or was it? I thought it was but I wonder now. It was horrible then i thought about my history of attempts and i'm lonely and scared and depressed and suicidal for having to have surgery to repair the slash.

    I'm a piece of trash. Bad useless mistake. i'm trying to avoid the hospital but if i say a single word feeling like this i'm gone.

    i'm typing with one hand and the other stitched up because i'm stupid as crap! i'm tired. really stinking tired. I hurt myself and it cost me two days of medical treatments. I'm still screwed up.

    i've been censored by hotlines all day for speaking the truth about how i feel.

    i suck, this sux and they hate me as much as i do.

    It's not fair and it's not my fault i'm like this. Mr. Pedophile caused me to be this way.Abusing me and teaching me to hate myself. He should have killed me. Now I have to.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are not a piece of trash hun please don't talk to you like that You are hurting you are someone in pain and you hun deserve only compassion and care and understanding
    I hope you do reach out and get help ok It is not your fault hun you are in so much pain and your right the fault lies to your abuser I am sorry hun you are suffering so greatly
    You keep posting here ok keep reaching out hun for all the help and support you deserve h ugs
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you are ok hun and you reached out for some help hugs
  4. listless

    listless Banned Member

    I can understand your pain, I hate myself too for a lot of reasons, but please don't hurt yourself. Self-harm won't solve anything except make you suffer even more needlessly. We're both suffering but over different things. It'd be best to reach out for therapy or the support of someone you trust who cares for you. If you don't mind my suggesting, I think you should report the pedo to the cops and have him put in jail to pay for what he's done to you (if you haven't already). There's nothing more awful than having one's childhood and innocence stolen from them.

    In my case I think I have a social phobia-not so much with talking to people but with asking girls out that I like. It's a bit embarrassing to admit (but I do so since I'm anonymous) and it's kept me single and alone for a while now. I hate myself and exaggerate my own flaws, then I just don't have the courage to ask women out even when they've given me the opportunity. It also doesn't help that I'm very picky since I used to date attractive women when I was younger and looked better. It's destroying me on the inside since I'm just a lot better and happier when I'm dating and I just feel I cannot overcome this issue. That combined with all the other problems in my life has made me suicidal. I'm in a sorry state right now.

    However one thing I've resolved never to do is hurt myself since that just makes things worse. If I ever decide to end my life then that will be my goal and I'll strive to make it as painless and quick as possible. I don't want anyone's pity or to leave a gruesome aftermath that would traumatize my loved ones. But as much as I'm hurting now it's not enough yet to drive me over the edge. I still have much to live for...or at least I'd like to think I do. But I'm not at the end of my rope in terms of life. I think if I can overcome the problems I have then it will be more livable.

    Don't let this situation rule you. Take control over it-something terrible happened to you but you're not alone, many of us have suffered a lot but we've moved on with our lives. I came very close to ending up living on the streets because of making some stupid decisions earlier-however I recognized the danger in time and worked to change it and now my life is in a decent state financially and I'm working on making things better. If you want someone to talk to, feel free to let me know, I'd happy to talk and listen to you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2013
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