I hate being alive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Autumn01, Nov 25, 2012.

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  1. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I hate being alive.
    I just want to be done.
    I really want to kill myself in January but I rather do it now.
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry you are in a place making you feel like this. I am not familiar with what is going on in your life to make you feel this way, nor with what you have tried to better the situation even if it apparently has not helped. Are you getting support - either in real life from friends or family or from professional medical help?

    Take Care and Be Safe

    Ben
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Autumn i too am sorry you are so low Is there anyway hun you can reach out to someone talk to crisis line someone hun. Get outside ok go for a coffee or just go to the mall
    Keep busy hun ok so those intrusive thoughts won't be able to take over. Hugs to you
     
  4. wecouldfightcrime

    wecouldfightcrime Active Member

    put it off for as long as possible. you'll find you never get round to it.

    keep yourself busy! please. please keep yourself busy. go read a really good book, watch some good telly, go watch some christmas films. drinks so coffe, drink so tea, bake a cake, make loads of sandwiches. fold all your clothes, sort your bills into folders. go on the internet. go out with friends. dance to music.

    and feel free to pm anyone if you feel so awful. xxxxxxx
     
  5. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    We're in the same boat friend, I also dont know what to do to these thoughts, evil ones...
    Im glad do you said January, you at least thinking about your family celebrating christmas and new year, thats a good start:) just think about your family and youll be fine. I know youwill and so will remain.
     
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Please Autumn, try and write out the reasons for your thoughts and your feelings........ and consider that dying by your own hand may not solve anything at all. Please also consider that there might be a wonderful reason you were made to be alive, it's just that you haven't yet discovered it - but that does not mean it's not there to be discovered honey :)
     
  7. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Hi Ben,
    Thanks. Don't really have support but that's fine- whatever.
     
  8. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks total eclipse.
    I don't want to call a crisis line though.
    I'm so damn tired of everything.
     
  9. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    wecouldfightcrime, Thanks for your reply.
     
  10. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Lill Thanks.
    I am sorry that you are feeling the same way.
    No, I'm not exactly spending the holidays with family. I spent Thanksgiving alone- rather of spent it alone than with my mom.
    Christmas will probably be the same- I don't care- this is my last year of Christmas anyway.
    Christmas will
     
  11. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    urPrecious- Thank you.
    Actually me being dead will solve everything.
    I'm a completely useless loser. Not good for anything.
    There is nothing wonderful about me nor nothing wonderful for me to live for.
    I'm pretty sure I have herpes (have never even had sex before and obviously never will now!) nothing wonderful about herpes.
    I hate myself and everything else.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2012
  12. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    Autumn01 you're NOT a useless loser :hug: Try to hold on for 24 hours then another 24 hours and so on and please do talk to professionals and keep talking here :hug:
     
  13. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Honey, if ever there was a completely useless loser, it would be me...... so I know what I'm talking about when I write that there IS stuff out there in life that it is worth staying around to discover. If you do have herpes, this can be treated - at least make sure that this is what you have. Self-hatred CAN be healed and you CAN receive a different perspective about your problems. I know that it IS possible. 15 years ago at this time I did not believe it was, but I was FLAT OUT WRONG..... I am so glad I am still here, with better understanding now, and a healed life. I just want to spread the word that losers can find this life, I know it from experience. I've just posted a poem in a new thread, it's probably still on the clipboard, but it says the same thing:

    The Kingdom by R.S. Thomas
    It’s a long way off but inside it
    There are quite different things going on:
    Festivals at which the poor man is king and
    The consumptive is healed; mirrors in which the blind look
    At themselves and love looks at them back; and industry
    Is for mending the bent bones and the minds fractured by life.
    It’s a long way off, but to get there takes no time and admission
    Is free, if you will purge yourself of desire and present yourself with your
    need only, and the simple offering of your faith, green as a leaf.
     
  14. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks midnightstar.
     
  15. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks urPrecious.
    I don't know if there is any hope for me.
    How do you explain to a guy that you think you have herpes? I don't want to give it to him. He thinks I'm perfect- I'm FAR from perfect!
    I don't know how I can tell him. He will probably tell me not to contact him ever again, right?
    Stupid me for going out with a guy tonight- we had a great time. He told me that he really likes me oand I like him too- so I told him so. I'm no suppose to let myself get close to a guy as I don't want to ruin anyone else- I'm so stupid.
    I should just kill myself.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2012
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